The good, the bad, and the ugly.

[Ironmanrises]

Friends, I am on the eve of 6 months of NC. I have not heard anything directly from her in all that time(with the exception of unknown texts/calls/voicemail that I have mentioned before) and have gotten the news that my store location will be closing at the end of this April. I will have to find another job pronto. When it rains, it f¥cking pours. My art has finally returned to me. At least. My heart remains broken and so will my pockets if I don't find another job before that time. Having to deal with that on top of this, words seize tongue.

[Turkish]

Friends, I am on the eve of 6 months of NC. I have not heard anything directly from her in all that time(with the exception of unknown texts/calls/voicemail that I have mentioned before) and have gotten the news that my store location will be closing at the end of this April. I will have to find another job pronto. When it rains, it f¥cking pours. My art has finally returned to me. At least. My heart remains broken and so will my pockets if I don't find another job before that time. Having to deal with that on top of this, words seize tongue.

I'm sorry Ironman... . here's the bright side:

If you were still with her, do you think she would be an asset and support you, or do you think it would be that much worse?

To add to that: Mine broke up with me in my own home after I came back on a Sunday evening after busting my backside working the whole weekend.

No empathy. Nothing. All about them. Yet why do we pine for what never was?

[free-n-clear]

Look at it as an opportunity, Ironman. When one door closes, another one opens. It'll also make it that much harder for her to try to re-engage you. Do you still live at the address you were at when she was in your life?

[State85]

Stay strong Ironman... . I know you've helped a lot of people on these boards including myself.

Ya it does seem like when it rains it pours... . I've been there, I have... . I worried and stressed... . but these things pass, they do... . you will see.

We're here for ya Brother!

[fromheeltoheal]

Like free says, what an awesome opportunity!  The first 6 months is the hardest, congratulate yourself for making it that far, it will only get easier, and a new job can represent a fresh start.  :)on't know if moving is in the cards too, although new digs, new job, new life, just in time for spring!  WooHoo!

[RecycledNoMore]

I am so happy your art has returned imf, another tool to help mend your broken heart, think of this as another new chapter, new challenges, new job, nc for 6 mnths thats something to feel proud of,you are obviously articulate and intelligent,and your opinions are well respected here.Im sorry about your job situation, youve been thru hell, and are coming out the other side, the job is just another hurdle,youve been through worse... .

[maxen]

crikey i'm sorry to hear that. i'm really really sorry. there can be few things more nervous-making than looking for work. now's the time to have a routine, to see to yourself. stay with us here too.

When it rains, it f¥cking pours.

i'm the only child of an elderly mother. since my BPDw lied me out of my marriage she has had two paranoiac episodes and one trip to the hospital after a fall. one of her aides quit with no notice, and the other got the flu. i had one morning to reorganize her home care totally, and i have to have an elder lawyer re-do all her documents, will, POA, HCP - on top of slogging through a divorce i was railroaded into and trying to maintain my equilibrium in front of my middle-school students.

sorry ironman this is in no way a misery contest, i'm only saying that, yes, when it rains, it fcking pours.

My art has finally returned to me. At least.

this is significant. this could be your mind or body telling you something good. in the last few days my sleep has returned to me somewhat, and i'm taking it as a sign that i'll be returning to sanity.

[myself]

Here's to you, Ironmanfalls. You're strong, and you'll get past this. I agree this is a chance for you to ultimately see yourself fly again.

The good is great! (6 Months? When I get there, I'm taking the day off just to smile.) Time has already shown you it helps, so don't let go of that understanding just yet. Make some art. Scan the want ads. Something will turn your way. You'll make sure of it.

The 'ugly' is what you do not want to face, which is a sudden important change. But when you do it'll be beautiful, man.

[Moonie75]

This thread made me sad. Ironman & I arrived on this forum at about the same time, and we were both broken men!

His sense of humor was one of the savings of my sanity in the thickest F.O.G I'd encountered.

You don't deserve to be job hunting Ironman that's a bad deal to be dealt to you.

I hope you enjoy your art & find something in time on the work front. You're a great friend to me on the other side of our pond & I truly wish you success in employment, and art loving again.

[Tincup]

Ironman--you will get through all of this.  I went through almost the same thing earlier this year (and to answer a previous post my exgf was NO help at all, no empathy at all).  You had the opportunity to do whatever you want to do now.  It seems scary but you will pull though with flying colors.

[goldylamont]

just want to congratulate you on making it to the 6 month mark Ironman. this is significant. sorry to hear about the job too; hang in there and i know something good will turn up. set your sights on the summertime, 6 months from now. you'll be even stronger and wiser than you are now.

[Waifed]

Adversity... . like you need any more of it.  Hang in there Ironman. After going through all this bullsh!t, there isn't much you can't handle.

I'm glad to hear your art has come back. Just 3 months ago you never thought that would happen!

[Ironmanrises]

Thank you all for responding. Means a lot to me. This was the last thing i needed to have to deal with, but it is out of my control. I am grateful that my art has returned. My exUBPDgf was not supportive when round 2 devaluation started because that was around the time I actually got my promotion at my current job. Her words "It took you 2 years to get promoted. That is too long." Meanwhile, she had been at her job without any movement for years. Projection. When my manager told me the news of the closing, i wanted to SCREAM. The way of things. I am in for some bad nights.

[State85]

Hang in there brother... . you've helped so many people here... . it's our turn now!

[Perfidy]

Ironmanfalls... . Positive thoughts headed your way. Hard to see it sometimes but we never know what's around the corner. Women are like busses... . There will be another one coming along soon and it might have a better seat on it. Change is sometimes scary especially when there is uncertainty. I know you'll be fine and things happen for a reason. To me the order in which they happen us sometimes remarkable. Almost like there is a plan that I'm not aware of. So you are far along with getting your mind back. That's good... . Couldn't have happened at a better time. A day at a time my friend.

[Ironmanrises]

I have never been good at change. Not one of my strengths. Especially being forced to have to find another job. I remember thinking maybe 2 months ago, "what else can possibly go wrong?", considering this BPD whirpool i have allowed myself to be consumed by. Well, my answer came. I wanted to tell my manager, ":)o you realize i have been dealing with the aftermath of hell on earth and now i have to put on a confidant face and dive back into the job hunting world?" But i nodded my head in deference, instead. Not her fault. The BPD gods must be chuckling as they consort to make us mere mortals twist and suffer in their name.

[fromheeltoheal]

I remember thinking maybe 2 months ago, "what else can possibly go wrong?", considering this BPD whirpool i have allowed myself to be consumed by. Well, my answer came.

Yes Ironman, your answer came because you asked the question: "What else can possibly go wrong" is a disempowering question, in that when you ask it, your brain and the universe will conspire to give you answers.  What other questions might you ask that would emppower you?  How can this situation serve me?  What's good about this?  What valuable lessons are in this experience?  Just suggestions, but really go there in your head and your heart and you may get different results, attract different results.

The BPD gods must be chuckling as they consort to make us mere mortals twist and suffer in their name.

No sense in elevating someone with a serious mental illness and stunted emotional growth to godlike status. 

Forgive me while I inject optimistic reframes into the conversation, and take care of you!

[Ironmanrises]

My frame of mind is off kilter. After having expended so much energy on trying to revive myself from the abyss, this latest bit of news was something i was not expecting.

[fromheeltoheal]

My frame of mind is off kilter. After having expended so much energy on trying to revive myself from the abyss, this latest bit of news was something i was not expecting.

What if instead of an abyss it was a bump in the road?

[Ironmanrises]

Your optimistic reframes are duly noted, and appreciated. I will refocus more energy on this latest bump in the road because that is of more pressing concern.

[fromheeltoheal]

Your optimistic reframes are duly noted, and appreciated. I will refocus more energy on this latest bump in the road because that is of more pressing concern.

There you go! This impeding job search may be the gift that commands your focus away from her, and marks the beginning of your new life! Good for you man!

[Surnia]

I am so sorry about your job, Ironman. 

Yes, applying for a new one can be stressful and it is a challenge - We are here for you.

I am really happy that you are back to your artwork. This is really good news.

Sending you strength, IM!

[free-n-clear]

the gift that commands your focus away from her

Every cloud has a silver lining, Ironman. It may sound like a cliché, but sayings only become clichés when they're true, dude. 

[arn131arn]

I find when financial times are tough, and it's between paying the bills or doing red beans for the week, if I pay the stupid bill, I get back tenfold.

Something the universe likes about that

[goldylamont]

if you got a promotion while walking through the valley of death i trust that you can navigate finding a good job in dealing with its aftermath. you're stroong!

sad thing is, what's gonna happen to that cute girl you mentioned you worked with? 

[babyducks]

My frame of mind is off kilter. After having expended so much energy on trying to revive myself from the abyss, this latest bit of news was something i was not expecting.

Ironman,

What I have found to be true for me is that every loss that I have experienced this year has opened/reopened/compounded the loss of my partner.

What I really needed was for life to stop for a little while so I could deal with the relationship stuff and what happened instead was that life kept handing me loss after loss.   Like you I am staggering through the loss of a career,  buried people who were too young and loved to go, stood by as people I care about struggled with hard stuff.

My psyche energy is depleted.  I have tried to nurture strength of spirit and frankly I have only had mixed success.

I would suggest now is the time to be gentle with yourself.   Give yourself permission to slack a little.   Find small ways to treat yourself.  And I would suggest you change your routine just a little, so it doesn't feel like you are trudging through the same old pile of #$%.   Do the silly things,  take a different route to work, stop at a different coffee house,  go to a different grocery store.   

Tiny steps right now.   Its going to be okay Ironman.

'ducks

[Changingman]

I lost my job because people thought I was recovering from drugs, broken/sweating/uncontrollable emotions/empty.

Little did they know.

Start again ironman, you have just lost a handycap. Good luck

[Ironmanrises]

if you got a promotion while walking through the valley of death i trust that you can navigate finding a good job in dealing with its aftermath. you're stroong!

sad thing is, what's gonna happen to that cute girl you mentioned you worked with? 

My exUBPDgf would probably laugh at me right now and/or criticize me for the store location closing had I been still with her(post trigger). As far as the really beautiful Hindu princess I mentioned in the other thread, I have stayed away from going further in depth with her. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. She would talk to me, her eyes would light up, play with her hair; and I would just shut down. She will have to find another job too.

My frame of mind is off kilter. After having expended so much energy on trying to revive myself from the abyss, this latest bit of news was something i was not expecting.

Ironman,

What I have found to be true for me is that every loss that I have experienced this year has opened/reopened/compounded the loss of my partner.

What I really needed was for life to stop for a little while so I could deal with the relationship stuff and what happened instead was that life kept handing me loss after loss.   Like you I am staggering through the loss of a career,  buried people who were too young and loved to go, stood by as people I care about struggled with hard stuff.

My psyche energy is depleted.  I have tried to nurture strength of spirit and frankly I have only had mixed success.

I would suggest now is the time to be gentle with yourself.   Give yourself permission to slack a little.   Find small ways to treat yourself.  And I would suggest you change your routine just a little, so it doesn't feel like you are trudging through the same old pile of #$%.   Do the silly things,  take a different route to work, stop at a different coffee house,  go to a different grocery store.   

Tiny steps right now.   Its going to be okay Ironman.

'ducks

My psyche energy is depleted too. I am slowly healing from this nightmare. My art has returned which is a victory considering how I really thought it was not going to return. I have been working on a new sketch. Just to know that it flows out of my fingertips again, is good. I am sorry you have experienced all of that. I have to take into account that had this occurred at the same time as her discarding me would have been a lot worse. So given that this is 6 months post date, things could have been a lot worse.

Thank you guys again for responding to my not so uplifting thread. 

[santa]

Try trying to pass a bar exam while dealing with a BPD doing her crazy making everyday and having to take care of a newborn.

I'm sure you'll find another job.

[free-n-clear]

As far as the really beautiful Hindu princess I mentioned in the other thread, I have stayed away from going further in depth with her. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. She would talk to me, her eyes would light up, play with her hair; and I would just shut down. She will have to find another job too.

 

     Talk to her about starting a small business together. I can see it now - "The Ironman and The Princess - Art Supplies and Relationship Counselling".