What I have learned from him via email

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, I asked him point blank if he could give me closure to our relationship and why in his mind it didn't work. 

His response:

I really don't know what to say  - because we couldn't get along for more than like 48 hours at a time maybe.  Why that is, I'm not entirely sure.  You are a very serious person and when something wasn't right the questions and inquiries were plentiful.  I just didn't want to deal with that.

And I know you apologized for some things - the clothes washing thing, the Christmas thing with your sister, etc.  I accept the apologies and I know it is something you want to work on.  I just don't see myself as the person willing to give that leeway at this point in my life.

You're not always going to be able to figure everything out.  I know that's a struggle for you in general.

Maybe what you need is for me to just leave you alone, entirely. 

********************************************************

If you notice the blame was put all on me.  The things he is referring about me apologizing for is for when I went out to the movies with a friend and didn't text him before hand to say hey I'm going to the movies with a friend and won't be reachable for awhile.  The other was because I told him that I was going to be turning my phone off for the evening so that I could have some time alone without distractions from everyone else.  The when something wasn't right and all my questions and inquires being plentiful.  Well, when you are dumped on by the person and they tell you what you are doing is Not OK and that it affects you in a negative way... . I would think the normal and healthy thing to do would to say "OK I hear what you are saying you feel that I am doing XYZ. What can I do to fix XYZ so that you no longer feel that way. "  To which that is met with I don't know and the I think you are just an Unhappy person and it affects me in a bad way and it just sucks."  TO which I then again say "OK I hear you that your feeling like I am always unhappy and that it affects you negatively and that it sucks"  Again "what can I do to fix this"  Then I said can we make time tomorrow to sit down and discuss this b/c hearing your suggestions for how we can fix it and how you are feeling about this is important to me and I want to make your that you are heard.  To which I get the response of "You are driving me nuts.  This is complete Bull%^*&.  I am not talking about this anymore tonight. I am turning my phone off for the rest of the evening and having some Me time."  Funny before I ever turned my phone off which I did months into the relationship wasn't because I was pissed off or mad at him or refusing to talk about anything going on in our relationship... . Yet early on he threw turning his phone off at me.  I didn't react or tell him it wasn't OK.  I did try to talk to him and get him to have a normal healthy dialog/conversation.  So, really his reasons for why our relationship didn't work is a bunch of projection.  I am introspective so that at times can come across as serious but, I am the farthest thing from that.  If anything his OCD tendencies and his every day pot use and drinking are what makes him not serious.  When he hasn't had his pot or his drink he is one serious person with all the criticizing and the all about me show.  When I showed an ounce of standing up to him he would rush back in out of his fear of me abandoning him.  I mean am I right that the above is a bunch of projection. I have had a number of people tell me that I wasn't the one truly being unhealthy other than I stayed and tried to change myself to earn his love and affection.  But otherwise the things I did were never mean, hurtful, or otherwise how you would act in a healthy relationship I just didn't have the healthy person on the other end. I guess I was just supposed to let him dump on me and tell me all the things in his mind that I was doing wrong... . ie. me saying I'm really tired feeling a bit grumpy I'm going to take a nap or just go to bed... . to be met with the response OK, I guess I will talk to you tomorrow... . to then have him start repeadelty calling me while I was laying down trying to take a nap.  It was all about him... . no understanding for me... . no oh she is feeling tired and grumpy and said she is going to take a nap I'll talk to her later... . no I'm the bad guy because I didn't put my need for sleep aside and cater to his never ending need for attention.  I now know why his 15year marriage ended and why only 5 to 6 years into the marriage the sleeping with each other stopped.  He treated her the same way.  I mean I asked why did the marriage end he said well I can't say anything bad about her. It ended because she was sending money to her mom and not telling me.  Yeah right... . its called she finally got up enough courage to leave and got sick and tired of your one sided behavior... . her needs were no longer being met. She knew how to tolerate you and is probably still remaining friends with you and being friendly b/c she hasn't fully detached and found her own stable group of friends yet.  He even told me the last time they had dinner together he made jabs at her saying "well your the one who wouldn't go to counseling and try to work it out"  he said he said it to try and make her feel bad for her decision.  What a messed up guy... . I know that years down the road I'll be happy and in a stable relationship for several years and he will still be oblivious to the fact that his relationships fail because of him not the other person.  You all will be glad to know he is officially blocked from my life completely.

I will share the response I gave to him before I blocked him out of my life.

**********************************************************

OK I don't remember the questions being plentiful I only remember doing something when we were not together that would upset you. But if you say it was then it was to you. Same as the seriousness if that was your reality then I accept that it is. Maybe I didn't let you see my playful side and what all my friends see & experience with me out of fear of being hurt. That's defiantly something I'll have to look into further about myself. I am introspective and love opportunities to grow and become better I guess that will never change. Thank you for your feedback. It has given me the closure that I need. I have discovered that I have a habit of seeking out relationships with people where I try to connect and try to make them love me and end up not getting my needs met. I hope that you are also able to learn and grow from this experience & also become a better person as well.

[Lol4fun]

So, I asked him point blank if he could give me closure to our relationship and why in his mind it didn't work. 

His response:

I really don't know what to say  - because we couldn't get along for more than like 48 hours at a time maybe.  Why that is, I'm not entirely sure.  You are a very serious person and when something wasn't right the questions and inquiries were plentiful.  I just didn't want to deal with that.

And I know you apologized for some things - the clothes washing thing, the Christmas thing with your sister, etc.  I accept the apologies and I know it is something you want to work on.  I just don't see myself as the person willing to give that leeway at this point in my life.

You're not always going to be able to figure everything out.  I know that's a struggle for you in general.

Maybe what you need is for me to just leave you alone, entirely. 

********************************************************

If you notice the blame was put all on me.  The things he is referring about me apologizing for is for when I went out to the movies with a friend and didn't text him before hand to say hey I'm going to the movies with a friend and won't be reachable for awhile.  The other was because I told him that I was going to be turning my phone off for the evening so that I could have some time alone without distractions from everyone else.  The when something wasn't right and all my questions and inquires being plentiful.  Well, when you are dumped on by the person and they tell you what you are doing is Not OK and that it affects you in a negative way... . I would think the normal and healthy thing to do would to say "OK I hear what you are saying you feel that I am doing XYZ. What can I do to fix XYZ so that you no longer feel that way. "  To which that is met with I don't know and the I think you are just an Unhappy person and it affects me in a bad way and it just sucks."  TO which I then again say "OK I hear you that your feeling like I am always unhappy and that it affects you negatively and that it sucks"  Again "what can I do to fix this"  Then I said can we make time tomorrow to sit down and discuss this b/c hearing your suggestions for how we can fix it and how you are feeling about this is important to me and I want to make your that you are heard.  To which I get the response of "You are driving me nuts.  This is complete Bull%^*&.  I am not talking about this anymore tonight. I am turning my phone off for the rest of the evening and having some Me time."  Funny before I ever turned my phone off which I did months into the relationship wasn't because I was pissed off or mad at him or refusing to talk about anything going on in our relationship... . Yet early on he threw turning his phone off at me.  I didn't react or tell him it wasn't OK.  I did try to talk to him and get him to have a normal healthy dialog/conversation.  So, really his reasons for why our relationship didn't work is a bunch of projection.  I am introspective so that at times can come across as serious but, I am the farthest thing from that.  If anything his OCD tendencies and his every day pot use and drinking are what makes him not serious.  When he hasn't had his pot or his drink he is one serious person with all the criticizing and the all about me show.  When I showed an ounce of standing up to him he would rush back in out of his fear of me abandoning him.  I mean am I right that the above is a bunch of projection. I have had a number of people tell me that I wasn't the one truly being unhealthy other than I stayed and tried to change myself to earn his love and affection.  But otherwise the things I did were never mean, hurtful, or otherwise how you would act in a healthy relationship I just didn't have the healthy person on the other end. I guess I was just supposed to let him dump on me and tell me all the things in his mind that I was doing wrong... . ie. me saying I'm really tired feeling a bit grumpy I'm going to take a nap or just go to bed... . to be met with the response OK, I guess I will talk to you tomorrow... . to then have him start repeadelty calling me while I was laying down trying to take a nap.  It was all about him... . no understanding for me... . no oh she is feeling tired and grumpy and said she is going to take a nap I'll talk to her later... . no I'm the bad guy because I didn't put my need for sleep aside and cater to his never ending need for attention.  I now know why his 15year marriage ended and why only 5 to 6 years into the marriage the sleeping with each other stopped.  He treated her the same way.  I mean I asked why did the marriage end he said well I can't say anything bad about her. It ended because she was sending money to her mom and not telling me.  Yeah right... . its called she finally got up enough courage to leave and got sick and tired of your one sided behavior... . her needs were no longer being met. She knew how to tolerate you and is probably still remaining friends with you and being friendly b/c she hasn't fully detached and found her own stable group of friends yet.  He even told me the last time they had dinner together he made jabs at her saying "well your the one who wouldn't go to counseling and try to work it out"  he said he said it to try and make her feel bad for her decision.  What a messed up guy... . I know that years down the road I'll be happy and in a stable relationship for several years and he will still be oblivious to the fact that his relationships fail because of him not the other person.  You all will be glad to know he is officially blocked from my life completely.

I will share the response I gave to him before I blocked him out of my life.

**********************************************************

OK I don't remember the questions being plentiful I only remember doing something when we were not together that would upset you. But if you say it was then it was to you. Same as the seriousness if that was your reality then I accept that it is. Maybe I didn't let you see my playful side and what all my friends see & experience with me out of fear of being hurt. That's defiantly something I'll have to look into further about myself. I am introspective and love opportunities to grow and become better I guess that will never change. Thank you for your feedback. It has given me the closure that I need. I have discovered that I have a habit of seeking out relationships with people where I try to connect and try to make them love me and end up not getting my needs met. I hope that you are also able to learn and grow from this experience & also become a better person as well.

[santa]

Obviously nothing was his fault. 

[laelle]

What I read is... .

"I just dont see myself as someone who wants to deal with your wants and needs."  "Thank you for apologizing for not being good enough in our relationship, if you will excuse me from owning my own mistakes, and instead, I will blame you for it all.  "In addition, because you insist on "needing" something again (closure), you will have to be punished. "I must threaten to abandon you again."  "It is for your own good, and also you deserve it because you need work and I dont."




I am soo glad you can see it for what it is... . total BS!  

Why even bother getting closure from someone who doesnt even know what planet he is on?  Is his opinion so important?

Your taking your self worth (the good in yourself) from someone who can see no good in anyone... .  What's the point?

[sun seeker]

 Santa and laelle hit it on point... .

I bet your final response ate him up. Befor he distorted reality again.  Lol. Good for you.

[Lol4fun]

Sorry this reply is long!


Laelle,

WOW I love how you rewrote that it makes it even more clear to me! I wanted closure because I needed to hear it from him to see if he would make any acknowledgement to his role and any of the hurt he may have caused me. Nope he didn't & he can't bc he is an uBPD. I know I am none of the things he said he just confirmed what I needed to finally block him out of my life for good. When I asked him why he emailed me to begin with over the weekend his response was I guess I just felt the urge to... I don't know really maybe I sensed you were hurting and some other lame excuse. What I heard in that was "my new GF couldn't drive the 2.5 hours down here tonight to see me & she is busy can't give me attention right now. Even tho  I'm gonna see her tomorrow & Sunday I'm still feeling abandoned and I don't like it... . so I'm gonna contact 4fun and see if she can make me feel better and really I need her to still be hooked bc I'm feeling insecure and don't think this new GF is as into me as I am into her gotta have my fall back" I mean am I right or what!

He will do the same crap with her as he did with me it just will take longer for it to show up since they are LDR. Who I'm the most mad at is myself bc I did end it once with him saying I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to accept me for who I am. However, a day appart and my own fears surfaced and we talked & got back together all bc I accepted blame for not being who he thought I should be. I'm reading love in 90 days and the first assignment was to write out your most significant r/s with a) how you met b) how you were together and c) how the r/s came to an end. Then you go back and read it and try to pinpoint the destructive dating pattern you tend to work out of mine is definitely the I am going to make you love me and the abusive one. I tend to think that if I can just do, be, give this person who is closed off to a reciprocal r/a I can make him see that I'm right for him and then he will in turn give me everything I dreamed a r/s would be. My feelings would finally be validated. The reality is what I end up feeling is frustrated and annoyed most of the time with the persons behavior but never speaking up.

What I now realize after watching my mother put her mother into hospice over the weekend for her final days of life is that my mother is emotionally closed. My sisters and I were all crying holding my grandmothers hand saying our good byes. My mother not one tear shed very stoic not acknowledging anyone's feelings let alone hers. She is an only child this HAS to be extremely hard for her yet looking at her you would never know it. She doesn't even plan to be there w/my gmom all that much and has hired care people to sit in the room bc she doesn't want her to pass alone. My mother channels her emotions into cleaning and organizing not talking about how one feels. I had my Aha moment. Growing up I don't really remember my mother telling me she loved me. I also don't ever remember her validating anything I was ever feeling. I was horribly teased in middle school actually I was bullied. I would tell my mother how I felt and she would just dismiss what I said and would say well when you get to HS you'll find the perfect group w/whom you'll fit in with and you won't be bullied. When I got to HS and went through my first abusive r/s and went to her for comfort she would just say I can't handle this you should go talk to a therapist. Fast fwd to my first year in college on my birthday I was purposely ditched by individuals I thought were my friends. This is not just something I interpreted by projecting but actual fact as others who were around at the time said to them we are ditching her. I call my mother in tears and all she could say is I'm busy and can't talk to you right now. As an adult I don't go to her for anything bc I know she won't acknowledge my feelings but will just tell me what I didn't do & what I should do. I told her about this guy how it was making me feel how hard it has been to detach and all she could say is get out now & run. Yes mom I know logically that is what I need to do but it doesn't take away from the hurt & failure I am feeling. I found trying to plead with my mom would get her to give me what I needed. It never worked. I know I have to come to peace with how my mom raised me and know that it might not have been right but that it was the best she could do. She loves me in her own way. What is funny is she gets extremely upset with me if I forget her and my fathers wedding aniversary and don't call and say something.

So where do I go from here... . Learning to believe that I am good enough and that there are men out there that will accept me for who I am and validate me. That I can have the love I truly want.

[Lol4fun]

Sun Seeker you are probably correct that is why I immediately blocked him from being able to contact me in any way 

I should add someone who smokes pot all evening along with drinking beer after beer is not capable of having a healthy r/s with anyone most think they are and they are only fooling themselves. This is also the only reason time when he himself is not "serious" Give me a break!

[fromheeltoheal]

So where do I go from here... . Learning to believe that I am good enough and that there are men out there that will accept me for who I am and validate me. That I can have the love I truly want.

Yep!  Good for you Lol, you sound very strong and your take on things is healthy and accurate.  What jumped out at me in his email was not one mention on how you feel, no concern whatsoever, just blame and offing of responsibility; standard borderline.  You can and will do much better.  Take care of you!

[Lol4fun]

Thanks! I'm not sure if his lack of concern for my feelings etc had anything to do with him just answering my email. As I asked him if he could tell me why he felt the r/s failed as I heard so many things out of him that I was really confused as to the real reasons.

During our relationship when I asked if he could help validate my feelings by just say something like " I hear what your saying and I am sorry your feeling that way it wasn't my intention to come across that way." However what frequently happened is I would step out on a limb share how I was feeling only wanting to feel like I was being heard instead it would get turned around to him saying good grief your making me out to be some uncaring "di&**" and like I did this on purpose" I told him that when that happens I end up feeling like I'm bad/wrong for feeling how I'm feeling. Yet it's perfectly OK for him to tell me how he is feeling etc & I acknowledge & validate those feelings. Yeah a complete one sided r/s. Full of projection projection projection

[sun seeker]

  Wow 4fun... . Your childhood experience sounds exactly like mine. Sorry you went through that.

My parents never showed me effection , or sympathy when I was bullied in middle school either.

Therapy has helped me enormously with this.   Good post thank you!

[sun seeker]

  I would love closer no matter how abstract it would be. . But im not at the point where I could handle contact. My xdBPDgf has called my landline , when heard her voice I just hung up. And you guys are correct.  Only reason she tried to contact me at 5a.m. is she probably wasn't getting the attention she demands from my replacement( I suspect. )

[fromheeltoheal]

During our relationship when I asked if he could help validate my feelings by just say something like " I hear what your saying and I am sorry your feeling that way it wasn't my intention to come across that way." However what frequently happened is I would step out on a limb share how I was feeling only wanting to feel like I was being heard instead it would get turned around to him saying good grief your making me out to be some uncaring "di&**" and like I did this on purpose" I told him that when that happens I end up feeling like I'm bad/wrong for feeling how I'm feeling. Yet it's perfectly OK for him to tell me how he is feeling etc & I acknowledge & validate those feelings. Yeah a complete one sided r/s. Full of projection projection projection

Yeah me too in mine, for a variety of reasons including projection, an inability to empathize and a general addiction to chaos.

One thing I learned that has really helped as I detach is what we need and weren't getting are validation, compassion and empathy; your mention of validation is spot on.  I never got those from her, except the fake versions during the idealization phase, and what has helped moving forward is to tell people I need those and ask them for them.  It's been profound for me to look at existing and new relationships with people, not just romantic ones, through that lens; some people aren't willing, some aren't capable, but some do give me what I need, and asking for it has made life better, a gift of the relationship.

[myself]

asking for it has made life better

It can dispel doubt, which is very helpful to see things for what they are.

[Lol4fun]

I too have gotten better at asking for those things as well. I've asked my mom for it but she is just not capable. At the beginning of this r/s I stated I needed those things. However, we were in that idealization stage & I believed him when he said he understood & knew what that meant. I by not walking away when those things were not provided I basically communicated to him that I really didn't mean what I said and it's OK to not provide those things. His frequent response has been Yup, I feel we have discussed this several times. Apparently, it is a skill I do not posses. I apologize. How condescending & sarcastic is that!

I know I shouldn't care about my replacement but, I know he picked her bc she is desperate for a r/s just like me. Due to distance she probably is not aware of his pot habits nor drinking habits. The other thing is she is wicked smart and her mother & sister both live here in the city me and my ex live in & they are all super close. I would imagine if you have a close r/s that is healthy with your parent & sibling your gonna tell em about  what's going on in your r/s and your more than likely gonna be strong enough to say nope I'm not gonna stay in this. I think he already knows this as I think he is all in for the r/s but I don't think she is he uses a fake profile to find out if the person is idealizing is still using the dating web site. I think in the beginning after only 2 weeks it wouldn't be unusual for someone to still be online bc 2 weeks in is not enough time to determine if someone is the right one to be exclusive with. He does try to get that exclusive title quickly again bc he can't be alone. He also gets jealous of all your prior relationships thus current gal is just what he needs as she hasn't had any really significant relationships.

[sun seeker]

  Lol4fun

  Get out a my head... .   we dated the same BPD traits. 

 

  When his disorder surfaces she will go through hell, as we all did. Then he will  replace or recycle. And on and on,  just a path of destruction.

I struggled with what if the replacement is good for them like thier all of a sudden going to get better. (Not going to happen) nothing healthy ever comes from jumping from person to person. Bpd or not.

My xdBPDgf is in therapy (if still I dont know) just released from rehab (dui charge) and still no growth or realization of her behavior. Replaced me with someone in rehab. How good could this possibly be for either of him. He was on her FB  he knew we where together.  Didnt stop him or her. As far as im concerned he deserves the hell he's about to endure. Im sure  not goin to  let him know what's in-store.

I've read alot of BPDers or on dating web sites. And its a common comment here as well. Im staying clear of that.

I also just realized today that we hooked up and broke up around the holidays. I wonder if that has any significance to anyone else in there r/s.

It dawned on me all the caring wonderful ppl on this board why can't we meet ppl like this in the real world.

You're doing the right thing my friend. N/C no matter what. Get healthy and rock a good life. all of us here have something good coming our way for the hell we went through. I have to believe this.

[Moonie75]

The best & most healthy thing you can learn from an BPDex email, is not to open/read anymore!

Delete, delete, delete!

[Lol4fun]

Manni75 I won't get anymore as he is blocked :-). Only chance of us running into each other is if we both randomly end up excersising at the same park or both happen to run into each other at the target by our houses. We live extremely close to each other I'm pretty sure we probably had crossed paths many times prior to ever meeting He just never registered on my radar!

Sun Seeker I'm with ya there are good people out there for us. I'm going on a second date with one who I believe is one of those good guys. He asked me out for our first date on a Sunday evening for that following Friday after the date asked me for second date for the following Friday. Best part he didn't and hasn't bombarded me with texts I'm not wondering when I'll hear from him etc because we have only had one date I shouldn't be hearing from him more than outside of setting up/confirming plans. And I like this it gives us more to talk about when actually out on our date bc we haven't spent the entire week leading up to it talking nonstop via text learning everything about one another. This guy might end up discovering after a couple of dates I'm not right for him and vice versa or it could be the start of something wonderful. What I like right now is learning what healthy dating looks like and if anything I am greatful for that!

Yeah I'd like to say something to new girl... . But she has her own lesson to learn just like I did. Like so many have said if it is super fast and seems right away too good to be true and your instantly on cloud 9 it is bc it is just that. Often times we jump or leap right in even when that little voice says hmm this might not be the best idea we do it anyway bc we are lonely and wanting that dream relationship and think this looks real & I'm afraid nothing else is going to come along. Truth is what we truly want won't come along until we have learned that life lesson otherwise we will keep getting the same lesson over and over again just dressed in different packages!

[Cardinals in Flight]

Double posted, cannot delete, att MODS! 

[Cardinals in Flight]

LOL4fun,

With the excepion of the relationship dynamic being two women, you and I have been in an eerily similar relationship.  

I apologized, the X accepted and would continue to 'lay my sins at my feet' and I went along with it.  WOW  

I am still having issues detaching as there has been a breach of NC recently, big, BIG MISTAKE!

These relationships are bad news, and old news will be repeated when we engage again.

Good Luck!

CiF


Laelle, you nailed it down perfectly  

[Lol4fun]

Thanks Cardinal in Flight! I am sorry your having to go through this as well. It sucks! Today has been a good day regarding my feelings towards him bc I have blocked him from being able to contact me & that feels good. It also feels good for school to be back in session as I am a special education teacher teach a self-contained classroom consisting of kids with mild to moderate cognitive disabilities & Autism.  No wonder I get sucked into these types of r/s .  Anyway, getting back into the routine and not being stuck at home bc of weather has been a life saver!

On a different note I spoke in an early response to the topic about the connection to my r/s with my mom & why I choose these types of guys. The perfect example happened today. My grandmother(my moms mom) passed away this morning my mom is an only child. Because I was at work and couldn't call her due to student issues I sent her a quick text saying that I hope she was doing OK & that I loved her.  Well she basically ignored that text. Later my sister told me to let my mom know if I needed a hotel room reserved for the funeral this weekend as it is out of town. So, I sent my mom a text letting her know I would need one and what my travel plans were going to be. She did reply to that with an OK. Then later sends me a text saying her & my dad would pay for me to fly if I didn't want to drive. I later see a post by my mom on FB about my grandmothers passing & how it is hard. Sharing her feelings with others is obviously very hard for her to do and where she can't use words to tell me how she feels & that she loves me she does so by giving me money or paying for flights to see them etc. Makes me sad :-(

[fromheeltoheal]

On a different note I spoke in an early response to the topic about the connection to my r/s with my mom & why I choose these types of guys. The perfect example happened today. My grandmother(my moms mom) passed away this morning my mom is an only child. Because I was at work and couldn't call her due to student issues I sent her a quick text saying that I hope she was doing OK & that I loved her.  Well she basically ignored that text. Later my sister told me to let my mom know if I needed a hotel room reserved for the funeral this weekend as it is out of town. So, I sent my mom a text letting her know I would need one and what my travel plans were going to be. She did reply to that with an OK. Then later sends me a text saying her & my dad would pay for me to fly if I didn't want to drive. I later see a post by my mom on FB about my grandmothers passing & how it is hard. Sharing her feelings with others is obviously very hard for her to do and where she can't use words to tell me how she feels & that she loves me she does so by giving me money or paying for flights to see them etc. Makes me sad :-(

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

My mother is the same, terrified of expressing emotion, except anger of course.  She and my father loved me very much, but I grew up wondering if I was loved nonetheless, and decided I wasn't since she was bhiting all the time.  I've made peace with it in a sense, they're old-school British, where emotions aren't expressed apparently, and they were chickensht, which is changeable, but nope, the people I'm close to are going to have to be the ones I'm not related to, and that's OK.  Lately my mother has taken to sending me cards with heartfelt messages, written by someone else, that express how she apparently feels; they just make me feel worse, which isn't what she intended I'm assuming, but it is what it is.

[Lol4fun]

Thanks FromHeel and sorry that your parents are similar to my mom it is indeed hard when we just want to connect with them. I'm like you my close relationships are with people I am not related to. I as well am OK with it.

This is random but it has to do with the emails prior to yesterday I got from my ex. We are not FB friends but once were. After the break up I posted about emotional abuse and stating you can get out and that no one should have to suffer through it that you are not crazy. Well my settings are for friends only to see my posts. Shortly after I posted that he texted me saying Abusive? Here is Abusive go F yourself you freak! I had no idea how he found out until an email yesterday prior to the one I posted. I had asked how he knew certain things as he wanted to know how I knew who his new GF was my response you told me you dumb fool except minus the dumb fool. His response though gave him away as he said I don't know if you can see things on my page bc you have liked something I posted along time ago or bc you liked a photo of mine etc... . Basically he was able to get past my friends only setting bc he once was a friend and had been tagged in a pic. Essentially he has been FB stalking me. And his convenient story for why he emailed the how are you... . He already knew cause he saw it on my FB new my gmom was ill and that I had a date that night. Thus he is now blocked on FB as well!

[fromheeltoheal]

Yep, I think we're all learning about Facebook, sometimes the hard way; my ex found me on Facebook after 25 years, and off to the races we went again.  Facebook is so innocuous-looking, post cute puppy pics and laugh with your friends, and then realize sometimes we're saying things to a massive group of people, probably shouldn't have said it to a few of them, and the feeling of intimacy and privacy we get sitting in front of our monitors is really like standing on a table at a party and spewing whatever without a filter to the throng.  Whatever, it's the new millennium, things is different.  I'm on a Facebook vacation, it wears on me, but talking to you guys about real issues with benevolent Zuckerbergs looking over our shoulder is much more fulfilling for now.