I can't seem to get out of this

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am a wreck today.  This seems like the worst I have felt in the 3 years I have known him.  In that 3 years, I was really only "together" with him for about 4 months.  The rest of the time has been him pursuing me, me trying to end it, or me being NC with him trying to contact me.  I have called the police 2x.  Well, the first time I went there to ask what I should do, and he called, and the officer talked to him.  The second time, I called them while he was there.

I was stupid, really stupid about 2 months ago.  After going a year and a half without seeing him, I saw him, and slept with him.  Of course he then demanded to see me more and more.  I told him to forget it, it was over.  Then he demanded that I sleep with him one last time, and THEN he would leave me alone forever.  He was like a madman.  He was driving around and was running out of gas.  I met him in a parking lot, and he demanded that I get in his car.  I said no.  He took a step towards me, and I called the police.  It was never going to end if I didn't do that.  He threatened that if I got a restraining order he would break it, and go to jail, but then he would get out of jail, and come after me again.

Anyway, the police came.  I looked like an idiot because I did just sleep with him a week earlier, and I did meet him in the parking lot.

It worked though.  He didn't contact me for 8 weeks.  The longest time by far.  Or so I thought.  I did not know that on an iphone blocked #'s could still leave messages.  I noticed today that he called me 2 weeks ago to tell me he was in the hospital with complications from diabetes.

I was so stupid, and I emailed him.  I told him I would have called him had I gotten the message.  He emailed me back and told me to stop emailing him.  That I shouldn't have emailed him with empty words.  That my actions spoke louder.

I feel so incredibly upset right now.  I' not even sure why, exactly... .

[PM10]

I am a wreck today.  This seems like the worst I have felt in the 3 years I have known him.  In that 3 years, I was really only "together" with him for about 4 months.  The rest of the time has been him pursuing me, me trying to end it, or me being NC with him trying to contact me.  I have called the police 2x.  Well, the first time I went there to ask what I should do, and he called, and the officer talked to him.  The second time, I called them while he was there.

I was stupid, really stupid about 2 months ago.  After going a year and a half without seeing him, I saw him, and slept with him.  Of course he then demanded to see me more and more.  I told him to forget it, it was over.  Then he demanded that I sleep with him one last time, and THEN he would leave me alone forever.  He was like a madman.  He was driving around and was running out of gas.  I met him in a parking lot, and he demanded that I get in his car.  I said no.  He took a step towards me, and I called the police.  It was never going to end if I didn't do that.  He threatened that if I got a restraining order he would break it, and go to jail, but then he would get out of jail, and come after me again.

Anyway, the police came.  I looked like an idiot because I did just sleep with him a week earlier, and I did meet him in the parking lot.

It worked though.  He didn't contact me for 8 weeks.  The longest time by far.  Or so I thought.  I did not know that on an iphone blocked #'s could still leave messages.  I noticed today that he called me 2 weeks ago to tell me he was in the hospital with complications from diabetes.

I was so stupid, and I emailed him.  I told him I would have called him had I gotten the message.  He emailed me back and told me to stop emailing him.  That I shouldn't have emailed him with empty words.  That my actions spoke louder.

I feel so incredibly upset right now.  I' not even sure why, exactly... .

[Moonie75]

Honor his request to not contact him, for ever!

Hell, he's even given you his written/emailed instruction to do it, so do!

NC is hard at first slowly becoming easier. It's a great healer & gives you room to digest your own thoughts, re-align your value system & what you will & won't accept.

It won't be easy PM10... . But the best things never do come easy, we've already learned that.

[PM10]

But now I feel like I'M the stalker.  That is part if what is upsetting me so much, I think.

[Moonie75]

YOU know you're not a stalker!

It doesn't matter what he thinks! He's mentally ill so what he thinks is usually wrong anyway!

[PM10]

My problem is that for some reason I ONLY care what he thinks!

[santa]

There was another girl I can think of who was in love with a mentally ill guy. Her name was Jenny Gump. She got AIDS. Don't wind up like her. 

[Moonie75]

You're not going to get very far then are you!

If you're undecided there's an undecided board for people not sure if they're ready to detach or not.

If you have decided to detach, well to be honest & not sugar coat this for you,, you're gonna have to force yourself to think about you first, then your support network, then if you really have to, him.

It's not easy detaching. If it was we wouldn't all be here. But we are here  

[PM10]

Why do I have such a problem believing that he is mentally ill, that there is something wrong with him?  Why do I think it's me?

[Moonie75]

If you genuinely think YOU might be mentally ill you should seek a professional opinion.

I can't answer whether you're mentally ill or not & nobody else here can.

Unless you ask us to believe you're broadcasting your posts from the moon, after landing your space craft made entirely from washing up liquid bottles there?

Then I think I might consider giving you a diagnosis!

[sun seeker]

 Santa

 Your post just hit home. That is something im fearing from all her infidelity bro. Trying not to let it get to me. I've been tested but that crap can take years to show up.

Pm10

Moonie is 100. You gotta make up your mind. Happy? Misery or worse?

These ppl are mentally ill and capable of horrendous actions.

We have all been where your at. I needed to go n/c and stay thier ,for my sanity and health.

We are human and have weak moments. Im going through a weak moment now but breaking     n/c would be a disaster no doubt as you all to well know.


Stay strong and try and not beet yourself up to much!

[PM10]

I have definitely decided to detach.  I decided a long time ago.  I just can't seem to to get past the deciding point.  I can never make myself important enough to think of myself first.

I don't think that I am mentally ill.  :)epressed and anxious maybe.  Not the most mature emotionally, but not mentally ill.  

[Moonie75]

Why do I have such a problem believing that he is mentally ill, that there is something wrong with him?  Why do I think it's me?

You just said you do think it's you!



You need to read as much as you can about how these relationships evolve. You should also read up about Co-Dependency (that might answer some questions you have about you).

Then spend time reading the threads & experiences of many others here just like you & I.

[PM10]

Sorry.  I didn't mean that I think it is me who is mentally ill.  I mean that I think it is my fault, and the way he treated me is because of me, not because of any mental illness he may have.

[santa]

Sorry.  I didn't mean that I think it is me who is mentally ill.  I mean that I think it is my fault, and the way he treated me is because of me, not because of any mental illness he may have.

I feel guilty about the way I allowed myself to be treated as well. What you have to keep in mind is that these BPD people are extremely cunning... . and that you let your guard down when you're in a relationship with someone, which is typically a good thing. The smartest person in the world could easily get lost in a borderline if they enter the emotional tornado that person brings. I wouldn't beat myself up about it. Better men/women than us have been carved up by the same nonsense. Lets just try to learn from it and be thankful we survived.

[Moonie75]

Santa, Sun Seeker, and myself have all offered you some sound, caring genuine advice. You haven't acknowledged a single word of it or mentioned anything of educating yourself on what you've been through.

You have on the other hand, replied to all posts from us with circular self pity!

You need to strap some on if you truly want to get out of the cycle.

YOU need to step back from him, READ, digest what you read, and learn from it because it's VERY helpful.

And most importantly apply the proceeds of your learning to getting yourself through & out the other side.

YOU have to do that, we can't do any of it for YOU!

[PM10]

I am sorry.  I do appreciate what you have said.  The circular self pity comment was accurate, but it really stung because he would always accuse me of circular arguments.  I know.  I did it again. 

I was in the process of doing something, and meant to come back on here and explain what work I have done.  I have been in therapy on and off throughout all if this.  I have read all the books recommended on Borderline.  I will definitely read up on co dependency.  I have not done that yet.

The reason my therapy has been on and off has been because of insurance reasons. But 2 months ago, when this whole thing blew up a friend suggested that I call the hotline at the local women's shelter.  I did, and they set me up with free counseling.  I think it will really help, because she deals with a lot of people like me.  A lot of people who fall into these relationships.  I feel so empty when I am not in contact, and she is going to help me focus on ME.  I can't wait until I get to go for my next appt on Wed!

Today was just a particularly bad day for me.  I threw myself back in because of that message, and got fixated on the thoughts that ALWAYS bug me, no matter how much I read on these boards, or anyplace else.

[Moonie75]

Whoop Whoop that's more like it!

Now ya talkin!

Great that you have been reading & have sought counseling too. Try to concentrate on these new things.

We all have bad days, relapses, whatever you want to call them. But looking at you is where you need to focus. And as you do this (with help), you will find that as you heal, he matters less. You won't forget, god knows none of us will ever forget. But you will find a balance where things start to look better. Then you're really sailing!   

[PM10]

Thank you for the encouragement, and for not letting me wallow in self pity!

[Moonie75]

Twas a pleasure I'm sure!

Next time you need an ass kicking, I'll be there! 

[santa]

Twas a pleasure I'm sure!

Next time you need an ass kicking, I'll be there!