Take Custody or Keep Trying

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Have have a very good chance of being able to take Custody of my 2 girls here as mom has endangered them.  I could also set some court ordered boundaries and try to force her to be a better mother.

If I take custody the most likely result would be sporadic visitation with her and God knows who else.  She would blame me to the kids and there would be an awful lot of damage.

She will agree to mandated counseling and no more boy friends around the kids and I will because able to take some tools that she has been using to create destruction away from her.

We all need to keep in mind that she is fairly low functioning.

[irriserv]

Have have a very good chance of being able to take Custody of my 2 girls here as mom has endangered them.  I could also set some court ordered boundaries and try to force her to be a better mother.

If I take custody the most likely result would be sporadic visitation with her and God knows who else.  She would blame me to the kids and there would be an awful lot of damage.

She will agree to mandated counseling and no more boy friends around the kids and I will because able to take some tools that she has been using to create destruction away from her.

We all need to keep in mind that she is fairly low functioning.

[momtara]

Yeah, you set up a common conundrum.  You could always leave it up to experts (evaluators) to decide - see if they feel your kids would be damaged by being with her or damaged by being without her.  But really, we all know that the experts may not know as much as you do.

Depends how much danger you think she really puts them in, and if you will always worry.  I think it's sad for kids to never see their mom, but if she puts them in danger, and won't be ok with supervised visitation and would rather disappear, that's not your fault.

Many of us want to change/fix our exes with counseling.  I don't know if anyone can commit to not having boyfriends around, etc.

It wasn't clear - is she your ex, or are you still married?

[Free One]

Have have a very good chance of being able to take Custody of my 2 girls here as mom has endangered them.  I could also set some court ordered boundaries and try to force her to be a better mother.

It is a nearly impossible and will drive you insane to try to force a low functioning person to be a better mom. If she wanted to be better and was capable of being better, she would be.

If I take custody the most likely result would be sporadic visitation with her and God knows who else.  She would blame me to the kids and there would be an awful lot of damage.

If she has endangered your kids, then you need to protect them with full custody. This means you have control over what contact she has with them and can help them heal. It also allows you to help them get to know their mom more when she is healthier.

[irriserv]

Thank you for your replies.  What drives me crazy is often she is a good Mom but then it goes wrong.  She will help them get involved in some kind of activity and then build a very unrealistic expectations and when it blows up split the entire thing black and move on to something else.  That something else may or may not involve the kids or kid.

Well I have a mess still.  Divorcing there people just done not solve much and it's really hard to do no contact when you have kids with them.

I believe that it's very possible that she does not want the responsibility of the kids and just needs someone to blame for moving on without them. 

Thanks Again.

[Free One]

I believe that it's very possible that she does not want the responsibility of the kids and just needs someone to blame for moving on without them. 

I often think this of my ex. It's so sad.