Struggling with NC, have child, any suggestions

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello All,

I have been NC with stbxBPDh for almost two months now, even in court we have not exchanged so much as a word and the last time there was not even a glance in each others direction.

Some may know my history, but briefly: 7 yrs in relationship, D4, power, control and domestic violence, I tried to salvage, despite losing one job and nearly losing two others due to his interference and needing me during my working hours. About two months ago, we got into the final arguement and he broke my boundaries which were to not take phones, wallets, ect, block doorways or physically harm me in any way. He broke all three knowing that would end the r/s. He then got an ex parte petition for custody granted despite having a PO/RO forbidding any contact with D4, which was reversed a month ago. I now have full custody.

So the things I am struggling with now, in addition to the shift to single parenthood without any support of family and friends (mine all live several states away, so they are my phone a friend and not someone I can call to say I am having a tough time can you come over), are that D4 wants contact and misses daddy, the courts have taken the position that he is to remain NC from her and I, and the want to see how he is doing so I can assess whether he is still going to be a viable father for my child at some point in the future. In addition, I have to keep my own feelings toward him in check, so as not to poison my child from her father, while giving her information she needs to understand the situation and yes I and D have T, seperate ones so that I can process with someone and she is supported and given age appropriate information so that it is less confusing to her. She was with paternal GPs for a bit before this as I had massive health problems which precluded my ability to care for her and F couldn't handle it, so she was abruptly out of my care when I ended up in the hospital and abruptly returned to me after court, so there is some confusion liekly there. In addition, after getting temp custody GPs kept her form me for a month save for 3 four minute phone calls.

Has anyone else been in this situation where there was a child, DV, a RO/PO, and dealt with the confusion of all of this for both myself and my child. If so please respond and let me  know how you got through or contact me via messaging if you do not want to air it in the boards. I am really trying to figure out how to navigate this and adjust to the change in our home. It has been largely great but challenging.

-OAC

[overwhelmedandconfused]

Hello All,

I have been NC with stbxBPDh for almost two months now, even in court we have not exchanged so much as a word and the last time there was not even a glance in each others direction.

Some may know my history, but briefly: 7 yrs in relationship, D4, power, control and domestic violence, I tried to salvage, despite losing one job and nearly losing two others due to his interference and needing me during my working hours. About two months ago, we got into the final arguement and he broke my boundaries which were to not take phones, wallets, ect, block doorways or physically harm me in any way. He broke all three knowing that would end the r/s. He then got an ex parte petition for custody granted despite having a PO/RO forbidding any contact with D4, which was reversed a month ago. I now have full custody.

So the things I am struggling with now, in addition to the shift to single parenthood without any support of family and friends (mine all live several states away, so they are my phone a friend and not someone I can call to say I am having a tough time can you come over), are that D4 wants contact and misses daddy, the courts have taken the position that he is to remain NC from her and I, and the want to see how he is doing so I can assess whether he is still going to be a viable father for my child at some point in the future. In addition, I have to keep my own feelings toward him in check, so as not to poison my child from her father, while giving her information she needs to understand the situation and yes I and D have T, seperate ones so that I can process with someone and she is supported and given age appropriate information so that it is less confusing to her. She was with paternal GPs for a bit before this as I had massive health problems which precluded my ability to care for her and F couldn't handle it, so she was abruptly out of my care when I ended up in the hospital and abruptly returned to me after court, so there is some confusion liekly there. In addition, after getting temp custody GPs kept her form me for a month save for 3 four minute phone calls.

Has anyone else been in this situation where there was a child, DV, a RO/PO, and dealt with the confusion of all of this for both myself and my child. If so please respond and let me  know how you got through or contact me via messaging if you do not want to air it in the boards. I am really trying to figure out how to navigate this and adjust to the change in our home. It has been largely great but challenging.

-OAC