Do you ever...

[Lol4fun]

I'm feeling emotionally ten times better today. I didn't take that god awful med & glad I haven't. My question for everyone is have you ever had the urge to reach out and warn your replacement? I had that urge yesterday & have it on numerous other occasions but, I don't act on it bc I realistically know how it will look and turn out if I do regardless if I had good intentions behind it. I know the r/s will tank in its own time I don't need to help it along. It is still hard to know that more innocent people are going to get as hurt or even more so than me. I don't wish that on anyone.

[Perfidy]

Well... . I'm with you on the meds. I won't use them. I realize some folks probably should. As much as I suffered maybe I should have. My belief is that those feelings are necessary. Dulling them would deprive me of the quality suffering that might be enough to shake me into action.

As far as warning anyone for the good of mankind? Well... When that bhit started fu€king that a$$hole they both knew about me. She knew she was spoken for at the time and so did he. No one took me and my feelings into consideration at all. The new guy has a relationship with a mental patient. He knows she's an addict. He knows she's disordered. I know he will have the same goofed up person that I had. All of the warning signs are there. Nothing will change.

[fromheeltoheal]

One school of thought is borderlines serve a purpose: emotionally healthy people would walk away early, and folks in need of an education will get one.  No sense in screwing up the natural order of things.

Any motivation I would have had to warn a replacement would come from a place of wanting to be right and wanting the replacement to validate it; does that resonate any?

[Lol4fun]

The meds didn't dull anything for me it actually made me a emotional mess unable to rationally handle things. Meaning it was making me make my situation more dire than it is and keeping me emotionally stuck.

I get the urge only because this woman has no idea comes from a family of Dr's & lawyers (ex told me) and she herself has a law degree & works in the legal department at Notre Dame (they are LD). I would imagine if she talks to her mom & sisters they would help her see the light.

[Lol4fun]

Yes it resonates a little.

[Ironmanrises]

Don't. That person will most likely not believe you and only further reinforce the blackened image you have been presented as such as an even darker shade of black. That person will only think of you in the aftermath of the discard and wonder, "was everything I was told by my expwBPD(assuming they link the dots) concerning such and such ex of theirs true?". That will be your silent redemption. And if that very pwBPD comes charging back into your life, that silent redemption will then be given voice.

[charred]

Had the urge to warn the replacement... . funny how over time our viewpoints can change. About 25 yrs ago when my pwBPD dumped me and took up with one of my neighbors ... I was homicidal/suicidal... I took it at face value. Its been 18 mos NC, and about 22 months ago... she took up with guy 3 during our 7th/8th (I forget which)... recycle. By then I was starting to accept that she was truly disordered, that it wasn't about him or me... it was her neediness/disorder driving things... and I didn't feel the anger I had... . just dull pain from the betrayal. Felt like warning the guy... but he wasn't around long at all... 3 months from start (she met Mr. Wonderful, her life is great because Mr Terrible ... me is out of it)... to calling him worse thing that had happened to her (she got an STD and came to me for moral support. ) 

When you see the r/s from an accurate perspective... it still hurts, but the significance of what the pwBPD has done and is doing... . changes a lot. I don't keep tabs on my exBPDgf... . as I don't want to know what she is doing... . it is the same thing she has been doing since she was a teenager, she is stuck in a loop... isn't maturing, just getting older.

[Lol4fun]

I like what you said how she is doing what she has done since she was a teenager the same loop over and over again & that the only thing that changes is that she keeps getting older. I saw that in my ex. Looking at his need at 40 years old to smoke pot all night after work as well as the amount of beer and listening to his stories about his gang of friends getting together each year for the race and drinking all day. How he has this amazing tolerance and can drink way more than everyone else and be fine. Everything was all about drinking when we would go out. His impulsiveness and how he just would say whatever he thought (no censor) as he thinks being complety honest and not keeping his feelings in is best. So... . Yes I saw/see an emotionally student man who hasn't grown up it's the all about him show & he disgusies it by trying to do nice things for you like buy you dinner, cook etc which I great if you want just a handy man or housekeeper but not when you want an emotionally present person.

[Findingmysong723]

So... . Yes I saw/see an emotionally student man who hasn't grown up it's the all about him show & he disgusies it by trying to do nice things for you like buy you dinner, cook etc which I great if you want just a handy man or housekeeper but not when you want an emotionally present person.

Hear hear!

[Waifed]

It won't do any good.  Your ex will just convince the replacement that you are loony. 

[Lol4fun]

I'm not going to just saying I've had the urge to but am not going to act on it. I think it's OK to have the thought the issue would come up if I acted on it. Anyway, I could be the loony one I mean he was always the one to end things and state the reason as "lol4fun you have to admit that there is a lot of good but also this early on a lot of problems and drama and that isn't good. There is more bad than good. And he would add me & my ex wife were never like this at look at that we didn't even make it". So who's loony? I'd like to think it's not me bc I don't ever jump from r/s to r/s I'd rather be single & not date than dealing with drama. Maybe he is just an emotionally hurt man from his divorce. IDK

[Perfidy]

Lol4fun... The one I was with was a full on meth addict. I knew it. Who was sicker? Me or her?

[Mutt]

I'm feeling emotionally ten times better today. I didn't take that god awful med & glad I haven't. My question for everyone is have you ever had the urge to reach out and warn your replacement? I had that urge yesterday & have it on numerous other occasions but, I don't act on it bc I realistically know how it will look and turn out if I do regardless if I had good intentions behind it. I know the r/s will tank in its own time I don't need to help it along. It is still hard to know that more innocent people are going to get as hurt or even more so than me. I don't wish that on anyone.

The thought crossed my mind... . once. I had thought that maybe I can talk to him after the fall-out.

I then thought that I have absolutely no respect for this man. I have 3 kids with the ex. A young family. He had no issues w/ sleeping around w/ a married woman, husband at home w / kids. This went on for months. Yes, she told him stories to triangulate me into persecutor and him into rescuer. I look at it as having morales / and values and not in the context of disorder.

He stuck his hand in the fire. He made that choice. It's not one that I would of chosen. He's weak if he can't court a woman by actually dating them, win them over, instead he reached out and listened to a wife's laments. Easy pickings.

What goes on between them is none of my business now. I decided againts it, let him figure it out on his own and put karma to work.

[myself]

I haven't been replaced, no matter who she's with. There's no replacing me.

Everyone makes their choices and then lives with them.

We didn't even listen to ourselves until it got too bad.