Here's one for the group to ponder.
When I was detaching from my exBPDgf, at one our last meetings she said she wanted to give me a gift. She described it as one of her childhood's favorite books, it was the Shel Silverstein book "The Giving Tree" <
www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giving_Tree>. At that time she sort of had a very detached and unemotional somber persona as if she was resigned to the fact that things would never be the same between us. She was already well established in a "love bomb" of another suitor (her current husband of 20 yrs.) and I just couldn't take it anymore or again so, I told her I was very intent on leaving. Even though I knew she'd try to recycle me, as she'd already done successfully a number of times. I told her this time I really meant it. She said she'd been meaning to give me this book for some time, but thought it would be opportune to give it to me then (our departure), because to her it represented what our relationship was all about, or how she viewed it. After she left, I took one look at the book and was discussed (even though I'm sure she meant it to be equally meaningful and a nice gift of sorts) and tossed the book out immediately. I was very repulsed by the story and very confused that she could really see all that we'd shared in such diabolical terms. Now, as I've mentioned in other recent posts, it makes perfect sense. I was merely there as an object to serve her and she thought I was probably a "good" object, but there wasn't anything I was ever going to be able to do to change her designation or perception of me and our r/s in those terms.
In some ways, much of what I feel about my BPD partners is, that I was like the characters in the Disney movie Toy Story. As toys always trying to get the "child" to pay attention to me and to play with me again. To have that same level of appeal I once had. Or, something. Not a good place to be for a Non.
