Why Do All Their "Friends" Have to be Dirtbags?

[joethemechanic]

Always, always, always.

Drunks, scofflaws, DWIs, deadbeats, always some kind of scum. And they are always encouraging her to stop for "a beer". And I'll give you 3 guesses how that plays out.

As soon as she says "my friend"  I see red. I really wish she would get fired from her job just to get her away from those losers.

I find myself praying that most of her "friends" get run over by a bus, or get cancer.

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[waverider]

These friends family probably say the same about your wife, the ripples spread far. This is probably why dysfunctional people stick together. They simply feel out of place with functional folks. So they stick with dysfunctional people so they don't feel lesser. This of course perpetuates the problem as then their perspective of dysfunction becomes "normal"

[growing_wings]

Always, always, always.

Drunks, scofflaws, DWIs, deadbeats, always some kind of scum. And they are always encouraging her to stop for "a beer". And I'll give you 3 guesses how that plays out.

As soon as she says "my friend"  I see red. I really wish she would get fired from her job just to get her away from those losers.

I find myself praying that most of her "friends" get run over by a bus, or get cancer.

i have had the same experience, they seek and stick around friends that are not quite healthy themselves ... . i think is a combination of:

1. Healthy friends dont stick / cope with the up and downs, paing black and white the BPD do to them. they might stick around a bit, but after a while, they realize that this kind of friendship is not healthy and they depart

2. BPD's seek validation, they seek to feel better about themselves, therefore seek people who are worse than them  (in their perception), this makes them feel better about themselves (the BPD's), this makes them feel superior. it would be hard for them to feel superior when sharing a friendship with emotionally balanced and self confident invidivuals.

my opinion only of course, from waht i have seen

[joethemechanic]

You know, I might be blaming the BPD when it's really the alcoholism. When she was sober she had some friends who were a bit loopy, but she kept her distance from the low-lifes.

This alcoholism has been terrible. I keep worrying about her kids. They were born into a sober home and suddenly in their mid teens mom becomes a drunk. SMH

We are talking about a woman who was sober 23 years. She worked at one place for 15 years, paid her bills, never in trouble with the law, never even a traffic ticket... .

[waverider]

My partner was 7 years sober, then one work party the boss pressured her into having a drink. From that moment on she was drinking whenever she was awake. Even if that was from 5am until fall over. Even attempting to deny she had touched a drop all day.

Took 5 years to get her off it again with many many stints in residential detox. Been clean just on a year now. I always used to just blame the drink, but the later sober spells revealed to me the BPD behind it. Only since being sober have we made any real progress with dealing with BPD.

If she was to cycle back to the drinking again that would be a deal breaker. Never living through that again

[joethemechanic]

I got sober around the same time as she did in 89. During the 90's I relapsed for about 5 years ending in 2001. During the relapse I ended up getting married to another woman. It was pure hell and I did a lot of damage.

I always looked up to my "C" for staying sober. I thought she was so strong. I don't think she realizes how much damage a relapse causes. I've lived a relapse, it was far worse than when I was drinking the first time.

[waverider]

I guess a relapse brings with it a sense of failure. I know the self loathing my partner went through