almost broke NC after months 6 months today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Shorts summary--Was with ex gf for 1 1/2 years, broke up, stayed "friends" for about 3 months and went NC when she moved in with another guy about 6 months ago.

I didnt think about her until about a month ago when I became very angry thinking about what the relationship had done to my life, which I've managed to put back together.

I feel emotionally about as strong as I was when I first met her and for some reason I've been thinking of contacting her to say I have no hard feelings.

But I've been thinking about this and part of it is that Im having a hard time remembering the stress and pain she put me through and I keep thinking if I talk to her for a bit I'll remember what it was about her that I couldn't handle anymore.

I thought I had closure and was over everything. I know I dont want to be in a relationship with her again and as I said, my life is in a good place now but I find myself idealizing the the times where she would meltdown and need to me to rescue her, though at the time I remember I used to wish I could get away from her.

I was the one who cut off contact with her and I know she wont ever contact me unless I initiate it.

Im not sure why Im trying to relive the very bad parts or seeking them out just to convince myself that I did the right thing by moving on because I know, in my mind that I did the right thing to save myself.

[geesunday]

Shorts summary--Was with ex gf for 1 1/2 years, broke up, stayed "friends" for about 3 months and went NC when she moved in with another guy about 6 months ago.

I didnt think about her until about a month ago when I became very angry thinking about what the relationship had done to my life, which I've managed to put back together.

I feel emotionally about as strong as I was when I first met her and for some reason I've been thinking of contacting her to say I have no hard feelings.

But I've been thinking about this and part of it is that Im having a hard time remembering the stress and pain she put me through and I keep thinking if I talk to her for a bit I'll remember what it was about her that I couldn't handle anymore.

I thought I had closure and was over everything. I know I dont want to be in a relationship with her again and as I said, my life is in a good place now but I find myself idealizing the the times where she would meltdown and need to me to rescue her, though at the time I remember I used to wish I could get away from her.

I was the one who cut off contact with her and I know she wont ever contact me unless I initiate it.

Im not sure why Im trying to relive the very bad parts or seeking them out just to convince myself that I did the right thing by moving on because I know, in my mind that I did the right thing to save myself.