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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Help me guys? 24 hours since we split and she let me know she's on a date  (Read 774 times)
Jayhawk21
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« on: January 26, 2014, 08:34:46 PM »

She emailed me this. After badgering me for part of the day.

Btw... . Josh is a great kisser. Thanks. Smiling (click to insert in post)

Sent from my Sprint phone.


I have NC her. But this makes it hard. I'm really jealous.
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santa
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« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2014, 08:40:49 PM »

Block her email. Nothing she does matters. Just freeze her out. She's just trying to upset you.
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LilMissSunshine
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« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2014, 08:55:37 PM »

She's classic borderline hit_.  Hey, at least you didn't get the naked text pics of your replacement (aka Sagatha) like I did     but serious. 

Intended for the sole purpose of HURTING you    I Really can't stand these people.   Jayhawk  - hang in there   
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2014, 09:09:12 PM »

She wants a response, looking to see if she still has you, looking to see if the attachment is still in place, while she looks for a new one. Up to you if you bite, you will need all of your strength now if you don't want to be with her. Anger helps too.
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2014, 09:28:25 PM »

Well I didn't respond.

However. I did find out she's full of sh!t. She would NEVER let a guy over that she never met in person, so I know he didn't come over.

So I did swing by her house to see if her hood was warm-ice cold, and stuck my hand in the wheel well- ice cold.

She even sent it from her phone to imply she was out. She has an iPad. For once I'm leaving her alone which is what she asked for.
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santa
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« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2014, 09:35:02 PM »

Well I didn't respond.

However. I did find out she's full of sh!t. She would NEVER let a guy over that she never met in person, so I know he didn't come over.

So I did swing by her house to see if her hood was warm-ice cold, and stuck my hand in the wheel well- ice cold.

She even sent it from her phone to imply she was out. She has an iPad. For once I'm leaving her alone which is what she asked for.

Dude!

You can't be doing stuff like that. You're going to get yourself arrested if she's really BPD.

That's not what I'd classify as "no contact" either.

If you truly want to breakup with her, you've got to put this stuff behind you and stop caring what she does.

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Take2
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« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2014, 09:35:18 PM »

Good for you for not falling for it.  How incredibly cruel of her to do that!

Mine has threatened many times to send me pix of him out on a date.  He follows through on threats but fortunately not that one.  

Now work on detaching enough that you don't even bother to go check how warm her car is... . way easier said than done for the place you are emotionally right now.  I totally know that and am living it.  
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2014, 10:15:10 PM »

Well. Right after I left I went home, blocked her from every email  account she has in everyone I have. Then I blocked her from calling, texting, Imessaging. Believe me when I tell you that's a big step for me. I've never gone to that extreme.

I know at some point she will go out. As will I. However she couldn't wait 36 hours to not rub it in?
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Perfidy
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« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2014, 10:20:32 PM »

That's one bridge I would burn.
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Take2
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« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2014, 10:22:02 PM »

Jayhawk. ... it was brutal what she did.  That's not how r/s are supposed to be.  Obviously you know that.  I think you are handling things pretty well from the sound of all your posts.  This is fresh pain for you and must be overwhelming.  

You sound stronger today than yesterday.   I too cried all day yesterday and this by no means is my first recycle... .  

Be good to yourself right now.  You most certainly deserve it.
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2014, 10:23:32 PM »

I have the Frankenstein torches out as we speak.
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2014, 10:33:32 PM »

Take2

I was good to myself. I got up, went to a friend's house who loves me. Had a good meal then came home and settled in. Hung w my cat.
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Take2
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« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2014, 10:37:33 PM »

 Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

sounds like you did good. ... .

I'm impressed with your strength. ... I hope to follow suit...
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myself
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« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2014, 10:52:37 PM »

that's a big step for me

It's new, so it probably feels uncomfortable. You'll get used to it. It's stopping her from getting to you, and keeping your curiosity from having ways to get yourself in trouble. No more games.

Big steps are great. There were many smaller steps to get there and many more to come.

One of the biggest is being done with the dysfunctional r/s.

I was good to myself.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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buddy1226
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« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2014, 11:30:24 PM »

Not that it's about this but you have the power if you stay NC. If she is doing high school BS like this then she is loosing it big time. She is also misserable. One who is moving on and happy does not need to let her ex know. My money is that she she doesn't have a date. Mine was screwing a dude that lives close to me a week or so after we spit. She even told me she wanted to sleep with other men. Seeing her car in his yard still haunts me tremendously. It also lets us know what skanks they are. That doesn't take away the pain of having loved them and being treated like this though. Hag in there, man. You're're dong great.
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buddy1226
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« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2014, 11:38:20 PM »

Oh wow. I just saw what you did. You can't do that man. She owns you if you are doing stuff like that. That's not NC either. I know it's hard. Believe me, I know but you have to get her out of your life unless you want chaos and pain. I struggle with it every day and mine put me in jail with trumped up charges to deal with!  She is poison to you man! She is the devil and wants to destroy you. Pull it together.
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Changingman
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Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
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« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2014, 02:32:39 AM »

Pain sadism humiliation,

She is leading you to some pretty f***** up places. This will haunt you for life. Radical acceptence... . this is the c*** you were with, no ifs no buts. No changing no closure no discussion no respect no human being.

You have two choices:

Contact! Feel all the pain, betrayal and humiliation she can give you, the victim to her sadism


Or refuse to let her hurt you anymore. Nothing, gone, she is this demon in your life and the key is contact. You'll sweat and grind and be terminally bored. This is cold turkey. And what she has abused  inside you will shout and scream and demand another hit.

Hey maybe a magic trick will change her back into the pantomime princess she made herself for you while she started to eat away at your life.

She is now! This is the absolute truth, this is the hidden passenger that was staring at you from behind make up and dresses and lies. She can hardly understand her own emotions, YOURS? Ha you're a doll for her play, you'll be left broken while she laughs.

No More Oks

It's not ok what she does! No contact

You cannot change her or the situation! No contact

There is a life more beautiful for you ahead, you're not a 13 year old girl. Man up. No crazy

No more excuses or apologies, whatever you did or didn't do was and is meaningless to her. That's vanity.

Stop beating yourself up, you're out of the cage and it feels drunk to wander away from the containment. You've been conditioned to polish the bars. No contact.

Cry, ache, feel your emotions. Your body is not a temple it's a machine. Don't be ashamed of your feelings.

Don't harm yourself or anyone else. If you feel like it change the thought to exercise or healthy eating or something positive for you.

Well done you know you are capable of love and commitment, now find someone f****** worthy of you.

Good luck my friend, the journey is more complex than we had imagined.

Angry is good, but get out of her script. She has such plans for you.

It is not the sun the moon and the stars it's just her, what a ... .




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Moonie75
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« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2014, 02:43:23 AM »

Pain sadism humiliation,

She is leading you to some pretty f***** up places. This will haunt you for life. Radical acceptence... . this is the c*** you were with, no ifs no buts. No changing no closure no discussion no respect no human being.

You have two choices:

Contact! Feel all the pain, betrayal and humiliation she can give you, the victim to her sadism


Or refuse to let her hurt you anymore. Nothing, gone, she is this demon in your life and the key is contact. You'll sweat and grind and be terminally bored. This is cold turkey. And what she has abused  inside you will shout and scream and demand another hit.

Hey maybe a magic trick will change her back into the pantomime princess she made herself for you while she started to eat away at your life.

She is now! This is the absolute truth, this is the hidden passenger that was staring at you from behind make up and dresses and lies. She can hardly understand her own emotions, YOURS? Ha you're a doll for her play, you'll be left broken while she laughs.

No More Oks

It's not ok what she does! No contact

You cannot change her or the situation! No contact

There is a life more beautiful for you ahead, you're not a 13 year old girl. Man up. No crazy

No more excuses or apologies, whatever you did or didn't do was and is meaningless to her. That's vanity.

Stop beating yourself up, you're out of the cage and it feels drunk to wander away from the containment. You've been conditioned to polish the bars. No contact.

Cry, ache, feel your emotions. Your body is not a temple it's a machine. Don't be ashamed of your feelings.

Don't harm yourself or anyone else. If you feel like it change the thought to exercise or healthy eating or something positive for you.

Well done you know you are capable of love and commitment, now find someone f****** worthy of you.

Good luck my friend, the journey is more complex than we had imagined.

Angry is good, but get out of her script. She has such plans for you.

It is not the sun the moon and the stars it's just her, what a ... .


Get this man a book deal! Self help books!

That was a wicked post Changingman!

Loved reading that, thank you.
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Changingman
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Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644



« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2014, 03:31:03 AM »

Thank you Moonie,

( I'm learning to accept compliments )

Makes my heart bleed to read these posts sometimes. I've only just understood what boundaries mean to these BPDsters. No direction home

Jay hawk,

Learn breathing techniques, and if you have that ball of anxiety go to mindfull.org and read the seatle programs for soldiers. It gets rid of it.

Moonie like the hipster details of your posts. Pretty green label?

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Moonie75
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« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2014, 03:36:49 AM »

Absolutely Changingman, cheeky baby  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Dog biscuit
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« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2014, 03:49:02 AM »

Wow, what a cruel thing to do! Sorry you have to go trough this 

There is some sound advice given here, hopes it helps to ease the pain a bit.

Blocking her, as you did is the only way to go!
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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2014, 04:08:34 AM »

Thanks guys. Your posts of support mean a lot. Changingman you put it perfectly. She has a dark passenger, whom I've been in a deadlock for years. He just got a name put to the face. No matter how I look at it ultimately, she is a demon. She only cares about her own anguish, and like an infected organ in your body, she tries to attach to another organ to make her toxin less.

She has no boundaries when I'm not under her control. What's scary is: I have a feeling this is just the beginning. I'm sure next is insults about my kids- which she said while I was walking out the door last time.

Why does the passenger hide at times? You see the reasonable, rational person who seems to feel remorse, then, almost in the same breath I see the light die in her eyes, they become as dead as the dark side of the moon. I saw that happen Saturday.

I feel like I'm just on a lonely island trying to survive right now and you all are my only shot of rescue.

I AM capable of love and commitment and loyalty. When I look back at the recycle (at least 7-8x now) I see me getting meaner, nastier, more vindictive, more spiteful, and less caring. It has become accepted in my life to be put down, emotionally, physically, mentally abused and for no apologies to happen. I have felt like the longer I am with her, the more I am LIKE her. I don't strive to be mean or evil, say mean things to hurt other people.

It's like my mind is sabotaging my interaction with her to get her away from me.

I don't want to feel like this failure is all my fault anymore.

I don't want to be in her book anymore, neither does my body or my mind.

Please help me guys to stay strong.

When I get to work today I am printing that out Changingman. And carrying that with me.

Thank you all for your continuing reality check. I need the constant reminder.

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Changingman
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« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2014, 04:54:20 AM »

God speed to you man. The ship is coming. Protect and Survive, isolation is a gift. Use it wisely.

I am still healing myself, life is hard and so am I.
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Take2
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« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2014, 06:32:05 AM »

I sometimes have a tough time with blunt reactions to the insanity I have kept myself in with my situation with a BPD guy, but the tough approach of your post does help even me Changingman.

The addiction and withdrawal and pain all in one- it's brutal.

And I myself am SICK of actinglike and feeling like a 13 year old.

I may be female but I too need to man up.

thanks.
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DiamondSW
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« Reply #24 on: January 27, 2014, 06:51:05 AM »

She's just 'going for it' to be nasty.  Simply that.

My ex went on 7 dates in 7 days with the same man, about a week after we split (i ended it so this was her revenge).  Then the man went too far, all her intimacy alarms went ding dong, he got pushed away (probably with A LOT of verbal nastiness), and then my ExBPDgf got an absolute text battering from hell from this man's mother! 

Yuck.  Just remember she's doing it to HURT you.  And behind the facade, she couldn't give 2 hoots about this doughnut.  He could be anyone, but he's got a (small) willy and she's gonna use him to hurt you in every way she can think of right now. 

I've seen the term 'replacement' used lots on this site.  Hes not a replacement, he's just someone to screw with your feelings.  He'll be gone soonish. 

Hopefully you'll be well rid of both of them
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growing_wings
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« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2014, 07:37:47 AM »

Pain sadism humiliation,

She is leading you to some pretty f***** up places. This will haunt you for life. Radical acceptence... . this is the c*** you were with, no ifs no buts. No changing no closure no discussion no respect no human being.

You have two choices:

Contact! Feel all the pain, betrayal and humiliation she can give you, the victim to her sadism


Or refuse to let her hurt you anymore. Nothing, gone, she is this demon in your life and the key is contact. You'll sweat and grind and be terminally bored. This is cold turkey. And what she has abused  inside you will shout and scream and demand another hit.

Hey maybe a magic trick will change her back into the pantomime princess she made herself for you while she started to eat away at your life.

She is now! This is the absolute truth, this is the hidden passenger that was staring at you from behind make up and dresses and lies. She can hardly understand her own emotions, YOURS? Ha you're a doll for her play, you'll be left broken while she laughs.

No More Oks

It's not ok what she does! No contact

You cannot change her or the situation! No contact

There is a life more beautiful for you ahead, you're not a 13 year old girl. Man up. No crazy

No more excuses or apologies, whatever you did or didn't do was and is meaningless to her. That's vanity.

Stop beating yourself up, you're out of the cage and it feels drunk to wander away from the containment. You've been conditioned to polish the bars. No contact.

Cry, ache, feel your emotions. Your body is not a temple it's a machine. Don't be ashamed of your feelings.

Don't harm yourself or anyone else. If you feel like it change the thought to exercise or healthy eating or something positive for you.

Well done you know you are capable of love and commitment, now find someone f****** worthy of you.

Good luck my friend, the journey is more complex than we had imagined.

Angry is good, but get out of her script. She has such plans for you.

It is not the sun the moon and the stars it's just her, what a ... .


Get this man a book deal! Self help books!

That was a wicked post Changingman!

Loved reading that, thank you.

i am printing this out for myself! love this... . it is SOO true... and will come in handy when the weakness to go after her creeps up
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Pretty Woman
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The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #26 on: January 27, 2014, 07:53:24 AM »

Jay,

It's a game. It's a game to make you jealous and keep you hooked in her insanity.  My ex did this many times to me.  It's her being insecure and wanting to keep control of you.

So she kissed this other dude.  Whatever.  Not your problem anymore.  Plus any mature stable person would not feel the need to rub other ppl in your face. 

You deserve better. Stay NC and be prepared for more of the same old shyt. If you can change your contact info I advise it. 
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buddy1226
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« Reply #27 on: January 27, 2014, 08:22:27 AM »

I think GOd spoke to me through you today, Changingman. Nothing I've read has been so dead on about my ex. Thank you. Please do that more often.
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Changingman
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Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
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« Reply #28 on: January 27, 2014, 08:30:35 AM »

I sometimes have a tough time with blunt reactions to the insanity I have kept myself in with my situation with a BPD guy, but the tough approach of your post does help even me Changingman.

The addiction and withdrawal and pain all in one- it's brutal.

And I myself am SICK of actinglike and feeling like a 13 year old.

I may be female but I too need to man up.

thanks.

Yes Take2,

Brutal and psychopathic.

Get their hands of you, now

Strength to you on your journey.

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Jayhawk21
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« Reply #29 on: January 27, 2014, 08:31:04 AM »

Ok guys I took a big step by blocking her methods of texting me, messaging me etc, and all her emails will go into spam now.

I'm still really scared every time my phone/email goes off.

I'm just so tired of being hurt.
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