Anyone notice they change their behaviour on 2nd, 3rd break up?

[nedm]

Finally broke up with BPD ex last Wednesday after the 2nd recycle.

Her behaviour is completely different? The push pull, on/off, rages, never happy with what I do was the same but as soon we split on Wednesday she went silent on Facebook, twitter etc whereas last time she went crazy adding new guys, posting pictures to get attention from men as well as writing statuses to also get attention.

I know i should of stopped looking as it hurt so much but I guess we all know how difficult it is to not follow them :'(

We live in a small/med size town (uk) so most people know each other and their business etc which means I also hear what she's up to :'(

This time she's barely posted anything except a few things making her out to be a wholesome, moral, loving mother/person (we have D2 together) and she's normally a FB addict so very strange!

I heard she already got with someone at the wknd so only few days after we split and last night I woke up and couldn't help checking FB to see about midnight she'd put a smiley face as her status and hadn't been on FB all evening so i'm pretty sure she'd been with my replacement as she doesn't have any close friends.

I'm doing a lot better this time regarding the break up as last time I was a mess but this thought about her being with someone already and the news about her wknd hook up hurt me alot!

I wondered if anyone else had noticed some of their ex's behaviours change after the 2nd, 3rd time?

I think mine has, as last time we were apart she got used for one thing by various guys who saw her pictures etc and eventually she came running back to me!

I wondered if she's learnt from last time and trying to attract a better class of person after being completely used last time?

Also wanted to thank everyone on this forum it's been a saviour for me over the past few months reading everyday which I think has really helped me cope better this time around

[arn131arn]

FB is the antichrist.  The BPD of the intraweb... .

There is nothing good that comes from looking at it... . I learned my lesson.

You?

Never again. Causes too much pain.  I reap what I sow when I look on her page.

I deserve what I have coming to me... . staying away.

[nedm]

I agree with you but it's just so hard not to look!

Last time she eventually blocked me (best thing ever) and I heard from friends that her posts had got even worse!

Think I need to block her so that I'm not tempted to look!

The only good thing is I definitely wont fall for her lies again when she tries to recycle in the future!

It's clear to me now exactly what she's like.

I didn't want to get back with her last time but she hounded me and eventually I gave in and dropped the really nice girl I'd be seeing for a few months. Won't make that mistake again!

[arn131arn]

Nedm,

I am not on FB.  When this first happened to me right before x mas, I asked my cousin for his username and password, so I could look at her and my replacement's page.

Well, there wasn't any pics of them up, but she was at a place with him, a restaurant.  WOW! Telling the world your date night!

Whatever, it made me sick for the next week.

Why do that to yourself?  You are in enough pain. Don't give yourself anymore.

Like I said, not a FBer.  But members on this board will tell you to block... . then block, and when your done... . block again

[RecycledNoMore]

Ive said it before n ill say it again... .

FB is the devil! ( tongue n cheek)

If you want a red hot poker in the heart, go for it!

I too have been down the fb stalkin route... .

Not good neddy, not good.

You have to make a concious decision... .

You say its clear to you now what she is like, and that you wont be falling for any of her lies... .

She wont change

You can only change you!

Sux, I know... .

I know how hard it is, not  to look, but you will drive yourself batty with trying to figure out the subtle or not so subtle nuances in her posts n tweets... .

A few more pokes might do it, but dont be so hard on yourself, youve been through enough.

[State85]

I wondered if anyone else had noticed some of their ex's behaviours change after the 2nd, 3rd time?

I think mine has, as last time we were apart she got used for one thing by various guys who saw her pictures etc and eventually she came running back to me!

I wondered if she's learnt from last time and trying to attract a better class of person after being completely used last time?

You're wasting valuable energy/time trying to figure out why she is doing anything. It will drive you crazy. They're on a whole other level as far as thinking and motives... .

[DownandOut]

Mine became more devious after each b/u. All social media is horrible when it is related to a BPD r/s. Social media is enabling to a pwBPD or NPD traits. If you search the web there are numerous studies, journal articles, papers, etc. discussing the link. It allows these people an actual forum to create the façade that we all talk about here. While, prior to the advent of social media, those with BPD/NPD traits created the false-self façade to those they met, they now have a vehicle through which they can actually create that façade and share it with the world. They choose the most flattering pictures, they post insightful and deep quotes, they choose the things that they want to show the world and are able to truly hide the rest. IN fact, my ex went nuts on me because I put up a picture of us on vacation that she didn't "approve" beforehand. Now, most people, even relatively healthy ones, will want to post the pictures they feel they look best in; however, for her, it was like a life or death decision. Very important for you to understand even if you cave and decide to stalk a little. We're here for you.

[charred]

They have selective memory... . they remember everything you did and said very well, but blank out whatever they did/said that prompted you to do or say stuff. So, each breakup is worse than one before. The honeymoon time is shorter, as they don't think you can be trusted and are watching for any sign of you doing anything they deem wrong.

Every time I broke up, I would miss my pwBPD... and convince myself that this time it would work. I was already divorced and would think... "why not get back together?" and "What is the worse that could happen?" Whatever I thought was the worse... . was dreadfully short of what did happen.

She painted me black with her friends and family... . then after a later breakup she contacted my exwife and did everything she could to turn her away from me and cause trouble with my support agreement and visitation. The last go rounds... she was showing up while we were broke up, on holidays, throwing herself at me then acting like she was having a panic attack and refusing to leave. Did make the mistake of sleeping with her one time and she was so crazed I refused to shower as she insisted, and forced her to leave... . have regretted any contact after about the 3rd breakup... the fallout and trouble was over the top. I truly feared she would kill me if we kept recycling.

So... yes it changed... it goes from bad to worse, to far worse than you imagined.