She Showed up on my doorstep

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex showed up uninvited on my doorstep last night. She was an emotional wreck.

She said that her life was s**t. That no one has cared for her like I did. That all of the relationships she has had since she left me were meaningless. That I was the only one she really loved. That I was her best friend.  She wanted to spend the night in bed next to me. Like it used to be.

I told her that I couldn't that. That things were different now. That I couldn't go there again. I showed her the door.

She left saying "I guess I'll go home then, unless I kill myself on the way."

[that1guy]

My ex showed up uninvited on my doorstep last night. She was an emotional wreck.

She said that her life was s**t. That no one has cared for her like I did. That all of the relationships she has had since she left me were meaningless. That I was the only one she really loved. That I was her best friend.  She wanted to spend the night in bed next to me. Like it used to be.

I told her that I couldn't that. That things were different now. That I couldn't go there again. I showed her the door.

She left saying "I guess I'll go home then, unless I kill myself on the way."

[Pretty Woman]

Was there a full moon last night? Mine showed too. I didn't answer the door.

Total lack of boundaries these people. 

[that1guy]

Don't think it was a full moon.

I was in the back of the house, in the kitchen. The dog barked, so I went to see what it was. And it was her.

[RecycledNoMore]

She needed soothing... .

Not you, the amazing person with all your unique quirks and individual sensibilities...

She needed someone to fill a need.

She got pissed when you wouldnt play by the script and tossed out a suicidal tanty.

You did a good thing, for yourself.

I hope you continue to choose you

[Aussie0zborn]

Well done. You protected yourself beautifully.

[that1guy]

It was hard to do.

I did think about it.

In the end I knew It was what I had to do.

Why is it so hard? Even when I know better?

[In_n_Out]

It was hard to do.

I did think about it.

In the end I knew It was what I had to do.

Why is it so hard? Even when I know better?

How long had you guys been broke up/NC?  I'm afraid that will be do this (again) and I worry about falling back to square 1, just as I'm getting my life back in order and moving on.

[sadinnc98]

You SO did the right thing... I am proud of you. I know its tough!

[Tincup]

You so did the right thing.  I hope I will be that strong if mine ever shows up.  I doubt she would ever show though, as she would rather cut off an arm than show up like that.  You did GREAT!

[that1guy]

Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot.

The divorce has been final for about 16 months. She left almost two years ago. The first year was filled with many recycle attempts. But none of the attempts were hole hearted. She always had someone waiting.

[tryingtohelp]

You did the right thing , and I admire you for that, and each of our circumstances is different,  but if that happened to me I would let her in , against all my better judgement and some hideous previous experiences , she just has a magic about her that I just can't seem to shrug off even though she has wrecked my life for the past 6 years.  No one else has had this effect on me , her beauty , her childlike qualities and the ways she used to make me feel special.    I will always love my diagnosed BPD girl , I haven't seen her for 7 months , there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her and the good things we did together, I accept her as she is and care about her as a human being even though she can't function as we'd like.  I wouldn't turn her away.  Now though, I would be much more careful and would use some of the many excellent 'tools' I have learned on this site to help protect myself from the really bad stuff ... . like an old gun-slinger , able to walk out to face the bad guy and look them in the eye without fear.   

[ShadowDancer]

You did the right thing , and I admire you for that, and each of our circumstances is different,  but if that happened to me I would let her in , against all my better judgement and some hideous previous experiences , she just has a magic about her that I just can't seem to shrug off even though she has wrecked my life for the past 6 years.  No one else has had this effect on me , her beauty , her childlike qualities and the ways she used to make me feel special.    I will always love my diagnosed BPD girl , I haven't seen her for 7 months , there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her and the good things we did together, I accept her as she is and care about her as a human being even though she can't function as we'd like.  I wouldn't turn her away.  Now though, I would be much more careful and would use some of the many excellent 'tools' I have learned on this site to help protect myself from the really bad stuff ... . like an old gun-slinger , able to walk out to face the bad guy and look them in the eye without fear.  

Alas... . is this not the nature of it? Another ol white knight gunslinger ... . falls... . forgotten... . to pride.

To be mercilessly shot in the back, cut down like a dog to bite the dust of Love street and left in a heap of misery from the unattended mortal suffering of writhing spiritual pain of as she rides happily into the sparkling sunrise on the back of her trusty replacement... . without even a glance back.

Very gallant... .

[ShadowDancer]

You did the right thing , and I admire you for that, and each of our circumstances is different,  but if that happened to me I would let her in , against all my better judgement and some hideous previous experiences , she just has a magic about her that I just can't seem to shrug off even though she has wrecked my life for the past 6 years.  No one else has had this effect on me , her beauty , her childlike qualities and the ways she used to make me feel special.    I will always love my diagnosed BPD girl , I haven't seen her for 7 months , there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her and the good things we did together, I accept her as she is and care about her as a human being even though she can't function as we'd like.  I wouldn't turn her away.  Now though, I would be much more careful and would use some of the many excellent 'tools' I have learned on this site to help protect myself from the really bad stuff ... . like an old gun-slinger , able to walk out to face the bad guy and look them in the eye without fear.  

Alas... . is this not the nature of it? Another ol white knight gunslinger ... . falls... . forgotten... . to pride.

To be mercilessly shot in the back, cut down like a dog to bite the dust of Love street and left in a heap of unattended mortal suffering and writhing spiritual pain and misery as she rides happily into the sparkling sunrise on the back of her trusty replacement... . without even a glance back.

Very gallant... .

[Boisnix79]

Shadow Dancer thats kinda what i was thinking... .

[Tausk]

ThatGuy and Pretty Woman:

Thanks for sharing.  I don't know what I would have done.  We want to comfort and care for them.  I'm far to hurt from the betrayal to ever let her back into my bed, but I can only imagine the hurt you two felt denying access to yourselves.

And it hurts for many reasons, including that we we love them.  Maybe not the same way we used to love them, but for us, when we love someone, although the way we love them may change, we never stop feeling love for them.

But sadly, the only act of love that I have left for my ex, is to maintain strict boundaries of No Contact.  

And even sadder is the fact that she will never understand this as an act of love, but simply another act of abuse.

But the truth is that any other action of mine, other than No Contact, simply enables the disorder.  I know this because when I look back at all the energy and effort that I put into her/us when we were together, it all amounted to less than zero.  If it would have been just wasted that would have been better than the fact that she became more disordered while we were together.   My energy only helped to build the walls of denial, anger, and fear.  I participated in the destruction and insanity of the Disorder.

The Disorder needs participants.  The Disorder always wins.  The only way not to lose is not to participate.  

So I thank you for sharing your courage. I hope I can keep my resolve if I ever am tested in such a way.  

T