Do they all rebound?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

my uBPDexgf of 45 left me for my replacement a guy 10 years younger that she cheated with... that ended very soon after bup then she tried 2 others in one night of desperation calling their numbers for 6 hours straight every 5 mins... they never answered so again in desperation she took up the offer of a friend of ours whos a massive downgrade 12 years older and obese but does have $$$$ and nice guy personality.

4 men in 4 weeks currently she is still with option #4  been 15mnths  so rebound ?

[Lostone1314]

my uBPDexgf of 45 left me for my replacement a guy 10 years younger that she cheated with... that ended very soon after bup then she tried 2 others in one night of desperation calling their numbers for 6 hours straight every 5 mins... they never answered so again in desperation she took up the offer of a friend of ours whos a massive downgrade 12 years older and obese but does have $$$$ and nice guy personality.

4 men in 4 weeks currently she is still with option #4  been 15mnths  so rebound ?

[Pretty Woman]

I think replace is a better word. In most normal situations a rebound is someone used to get over the person they just left. Typically it's a 3-6 month relationship.

For BPD's every partner "is the ONE" ... .there is no closure, just on to the next. I don't think the word rebound really applies to a BPD.

[zundertowz]

If she dumped you there's a pretty good chance she has a replacement lined up... .if you dumped her out of the blue she will probably be txting you 500 times a day will hanging out at the bar hunting her next victim. 

[Lostone1314]

If she dumped you there's a pretty good chance she has a replacement lined up... .if you dumped her out of the blue she will probably be txting you 500 times a day will hanging out at the bar hunting her next victim. 

4 replacements linned up 2 of them caught cheating with... didnt learn of any of it till month after bup.

tbese peeps are cold as... inhuman

no empathy.no regret.no remorse.no apology.no tears nothin but a blank silent wide eyed stare

then there gone never hear from them again

chanced by mine twice she didnt flinch .4 years meant nothing what a waste

[bjm]

BPD is an attachment disorder; the sufferer MUST attach to someone to feel whole, since they don't have a fully formed self, and when they do attach, they are completing themselves, literally.  This is literally life or death to the sufferer, subconsciously, a replaying of that earliest trauma that created the disorder to begin with.  It can seem malicious and cruel from the outside, but to a borderline it's about survival.

Then why once they attach if they need to be with someone do they push you away?

[rotiroti]

BPD is an attachment disorder; the sufferer MUST attach to someone to feel whole, since they don't have a fully formed self, and when they do attach, they are completing themselves, literally.  This is literally life or death to the sufferer, subconsciously, a replaying of that earliest trauma that created the disorder to begin with.  It can seem malicious and cruel from the outside, but to a borderline it's about survival.

Then why once they attach if they need to be with someone do they push you away?

That's one of the hardest things to understand about BPD, because they also fear engulfment.

[fromheeltoheal]

BPD is an attachment disorder; the sufferer MUST attach to someone to feel whole, since they don't have a fully formed self, and when they do attach, they are completing themselves, literally.  This is literally life or death to the sufferer, subconsciously, a replaying of that earliest trauma that created the disorder to begin with.  It can seem malicious and cruel from the outside, but to a borderline it's about survival.

Then why once they attach if they need to be with someone do they push you away?

Because when a borderline gets to close they fear engulfment, losing themselves in their partner.  The two opposing fears of abandonment and engulfment, both of which come out of an unstable sense of self, drive the push/pull behavior.

[once removed]

to answer the original question: they dont "all" do anything. my ex did not rebound after her first relationship. she arguably did after her second (with me). she did after me. she did not after my replacement. a romantic relationship is not necessarily required; my ex had several close attachment after her first relationship including me.

"Then why once they attach if they need to be with someone do they push you away?"

rotiroti is right that this is one of the most difficult things to understand about BPD. fromheeltoheal is right to remind us the fear of engulfment is at play too. the swing from the fear of engulfment and abandonment is wild. they attach, partly because the disorder drives them to, but also because they believe, powerfully, that each person they attach to, will resolve them, and make them whole. and frankly, that isnt unique to BPD. but a pwBPD generally cannot complete a healthy attachment; the swing from the fear of engulfment and abandonment is triggered with intimacy.

its also not only the fear, its the perception. abandonment and engulfment are frequently and constantly perceived, and sometimes its the opposite of our intention, but it confirms their fears.

[BorisAcusio]

BPD is an attachment disorder; the sufferer MUST attach to someone to feel whole, since they don't have a fully formed self, and when they do attach, they are completing themselves, literally.  This is literally life or death to the sufferer, subconsciously, a replaying of that earliest trauma that created the disorder to begin with.  It can seem malicious and cruel from the outside, but to a borderline it's about survival.

The present research demonstrates that focusing on someone new may help anxiously attached

individuals overcome attachment to an ex-romantic partner, suggesting one possible motive

behind so-called rebound relationships. A correlational study revealed that the previously

demonstrated link between anxious attachment and longing for an ex-partner was disrupted when

anxiously attached individuals had new romantic partners. Two experiments demonstrated that

this detachment from an ex can be induced by randomly assigning anxiously attached individuals

to believe they will easily find a new partner (through bogus feedback in Study 2 and an ease of

retrieval task in Study 3). This research suggests that, for anxiously attached individuals,

focusing on someone new can be an adaptive part of the breakup recovery process.

It suggests that the mechanisms underlying are not exclusive to BPD.

According to a study, 58 percent of people will rebound in a month after breakup.