DD wants to kill herself

[Hotpenguin]

Morning all, I only found this site yesterday and I've been doing a lot of reading.

This morning my BPD dd18 came home after weeks of being out and she looks awful. She is covered in sores and is so thin again and she has gone off her meds.

She has been doing ice and hasn't slept for 5 days. I've phoned various hospitals and have been fobbed off but got through to an agency that can put her in the mental health system but can't actually do anything for her. The place they want her to go to (as an outpatient) has a waiting list months long.

I'm so scared that in the mean time she will start self harming (cutting) again or commit suicide. She hears voices that constantly tell her to harm herself and that she is worthless.

I'm at my wits end here. I really wish it was easier for people to get the necessary help they need.

Please keep my daughter and my family in your thoughts as we fight through the red tape to hopefully get her the help she needs.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi hotpenguin!  Such a scary situation.  Nothing is more heartbreaking than watching your child self destruct. 

The things you are seeing are really worrisome.  What about taking her to the ER?  This sounds extremely serious to me. 

[llbee814]

If she is threatening to kill herself or self-harm, I would also take her to the emergency room and insist they keep her.  It's a start.  Good luck.   

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Hotpenguin,



This must be so very frightening and stressful. 

What are her medications - does she have a standing prescription? Does she have a doctor, who can try to stabilize her?

Do you have a support system for yourself?

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. 

Pessim-optimist

[Hotpenguin]

Thanks everyone. I've just returned home from taking her to the hospital. They have admitted her into the mental health unit at least for tonight. She is not taking the news well  she is even more pissed off because she can't have her phone.

The nurse was talking to me and said that she would be seen by a psychiatrist tomorrow and reassessed for risk. If she plays up they will section her and she won't have a say in how long she will be there. They will get her working towards a health management plan and hopefully she will take it up.

I'm so scared for her right now and I've told them to keep a close eye on her in case she self harms.

Will keep you all updated

[crazedncrazymom]

Hotpenguin    How are you today?

I'm happy they admitted her.  Hopefully they will see what you saw and keep her until you all have a plan to get her some help.  I know how scary it is to be in a situation like that.  I'm sure she's angry.  It's hard to be in a position where you don't have a say in what goes on with your care.  You did the right thing.  It's better to have her angry and alive. 

Please update us when you get a chance.

-crazed

[llbee814]

I'm sorry your daughter is angry with the situation, but you did what had to be done for her.  I know how hard it is to get through times like these.  I can say in hindsight that each time we went through er visits, police calls, short term inpatient or outpatient scenarios, although it was hell to get through, ultimately it all was worth it with my dd.  I would suggest seeing if the hospital's social worker could be a good resource to find more help for your daughter.  Some of them are wonderful and can be a great help to you both.  Take care of yourself, hotpenguin, and give yourself a lot of credit for being strong enough to do the best thing for your girl and getting her someplace safe.   

[jellibeans]

dear hotpenguin

You did the right thing... . taking her to the ER will at least stabablizer her for the time being. Hopefully she will show her self while there and she can get the help she needs.

How long have things been this way? Has she ever seen a T or P? Ever on medication?

[Hotpenguin]

jellibeans - my dd has been this way since puberty hit, so about 13. Before that she was a smiley, happy, lovable child. She is on meds but she is having to take more of them to feel better so I think the drs are going to try her on different ones.

I know I did the right thing taking her to the hospital but it is still a big step. I just wish I was confident that she will accept the help offered

She did actually react out of fear so they did see some of what she can become. It's not anything they haven't seen before so I'm at least confident they can maintain control.  I was told however that if she plays up to much they could section her and I think that would be a good thing but I feel awful for thinking that.

I'll be back later after I've spoken to her drs and we decide on the best action.

[pessim-optimist]

I know I did the right thing taking her to the hospital but it is still a big step. I just wish I was confident that she will accept the help offered

You are right, she does need to want help. Perhaps the doctors will be able to give her a nudge while she is in their care.

Here are a couple really good videos on helping your loved one seek professional treatment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdVj8gXsETs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppculi-Os2g

[MammaMia]

Hotpenguin

 

God bless you.  You did the absolutely best thing you could have done for your dd. I would think she is on a 72 hr hold and is safe.  Being 18 may make things difficult, and talking to a social worker is a good idea as well as involving her current therapist or physician.  I pray her anger passes and she is cooperative.

You obviously love your dd and she is so lucky to have your support.  Please take care and keep us informed.  

We are so glad you found this site and we want to help and support you in any way we can.  We know EXACTLY what you are going through.  Hang in there and stay strong.  Our prayers to you and dd.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Hotpenguin]

Damn it. Mental health in this country is a joke. They are sending my dd home with nothing in place but to see her GP in a couple of days to REDUCE her meds. I'm pretty sure she shammed the psych. She is soo good at doing that.

I just want to cry I'm so tired of fighting for her and getting kicked all the time.

I don't know where to go from here :'(

[MammaMia]

Hotpenguin

If you can get dd to see her GP, perhaps you can give him/her a heads up on what has been going on before she is seen.  Is that who prescribes her meds or does she have a psychiatrist as well?

The same thing happen 3 times with my BPDs prior to his diagnosis.  He fooled everyone. To say pwBPD are master manipulators is a gross understatement.

I am sorry.  :)on't give up.

[jellibeans]

Hotpenguin

I am sorry you didn't receive the help you needed but don't give up. Go see you GP... . I too would like to know who is giving her these drugs? At one point my dd16 was just a mess and I do think it was partly due to being started and then changing her meds... . that is the worst for my dd... . med changes really throws her off.

Please keep posting and let us know what is going on... .

[BioAdoptMom3]

I haven't been on this board for a couple of days so I just saw your post.  I am glad you found us!  Its great to have support! 

I am glad you took her to the ER!  How is she today?  Did they admit her?  You mentioned she was very thin.  Does she have eating disorders too?  Our DD14 self harms and lapses in and out of both anorexia and bulimia.  I hope you can get her some good care soon!  There was a segment on 60 Minutes about a week ago about this very problem - parents getting help for their mentally ill children!

[thelady_v2010]

I am so sorry they didn't keep her. It seems like it is so hard to get help in this country. I will cross my fingers that something is figured out for her.

[peaceplease]

Hotpenguin,

I just read this thread.  How maddening that they sent her home already!   At least, if they could have kept her in for a short time to observe.  Some do know how to manipulate, and if they don't appear to be psychotic, they can be released. 

Basically, in an acute admission, they will just stabilize them.  If they do not appear to be suicidal or a threat to others they will discharge them.  Some patients know how to act  and what to say to get out.

Would your daughter be able to get into a dual diagnosis program?  Can you call wit updated information that she was hospitalized?  Perhaps, they may get her an extra point into getting into inpatient treatment.

I am glad that you found us here.  Please keep us updated.

peaceplease

[Hotpenguin]

Hi everyone,

Well we have had an appointment with another branch of the mental health system and was told that because she won't give up smoking pot then she is not eligible to be placed into any of their programmes.

We have another appointment in 2 weeks to see a consultant about getting her meds changed. She is having to take more and more just to feel normal. They are also going to chat to a clinician to see if they can provide some one-on-one therapy for her. They could tell she needs it but they are not sure if they can do it

After that if they can't do anything I don't know where else to go.

[jellibeans]

hotpenguin

I am so sorry your struggle to get help for your dd is still on going. Can you tell us where you live? Maybe someone here can help point you in the right direction. Your dd osund like she needs a daul program because of the drug use... . she sounds like she is in so much pain... . it must be hard for you to watch her struggle so... . keep posting... . we are here for you

[theplotthickens]

What a joke!   I bet your dd scammed them and said you were overreacting, she will be fine, etc.

I have had better luck calling 911.  They will put a mental health hold on her and transport her.  That is what I would suggest, if you do not feel she is safe. 

What meds is she on?  Does she have bipolar, adhd, or any other conditions?

[theplotthickens]

Also, don't hesitate to resume her meds prescribed by her regular psych.  Have you tried a mood stabilizer plus an atypical?  Have you tried dc'ing SSRI's?  They made my dd so much worse, because she is also bipolar.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[theplotthickens]

Sorry for all the posts, but I cannot figure out a way to edit my posts.

Has a 600+mg dosage of Seroquel been tried?  That would be on my short list, as it will treat psychosis and mood dysregulation at that dosage.