T Minus 24 hrs

[Changingman]

Journals?

'The trouble with trouble is it starts out as fun'

Ugh, bin it

More torture lays within

You seem on point about your situation. It's a struggle!

You've got guts

Changing

[Surnia]

Hi Turkish

I am late here - what a special moment in your life! 

I am very impressed the way you handled it. You will find more peace now.

And more time for swimming and biking... .

[maxen]

Why, after a major rage and devaluation, did I pop the question to her almost 5 years ago when I should have just showed her the ring, then tossed it into the nearby pond and pronounced us done?

why, after i'd seen quite clear signs, did i not call the minister and tell him to postpone the wedding, as i had the inkling to do? there are may reasons we went into marriage turkish. when we were on the altar i looked straight into her eyes and gave my vow without a millisecond's hesitation. people came up to me afterwards and said they'd never seen a man so composed on the altar. yet i had worries then, and look at my situation now. who knows all the things that go into it?

in other words, examine your decision (later) but don't berate yourself for it.

[ts919]

Turkish - good job man, seriously.  I've followed you for quite some time now and you have just done an amazing job!

As for your marriage considerations... . dude, I get it.  I remember driving home from the rehearsal dinner with my son in the back seat, thinking to myself, "this is a horrible idea".  I just had this nagging feeling that I was getting ready to mess both of our lives up by bringing her in... .

Turns out I was right.


I have a few more weeks here until the final hearing; hopefully she will be clearing out soon.

Your posts are so important to a lot of us - I'll be thinking of you!

[KE151]

Why, after a major rage and devaluation, did I pop the question to her almost 5 years ago when I should have just showed her the ring, then tossed it into the nearby pond and pronounced us done?

why, after i'd seen quite clear signs, did i not call the minister and tell him to postpone the wedding, as i had the inkling to do? there are may reasons we went into marriage turkish. when we were on the altar i looked straight into her eyes and gave my vow without a millisecond's hesitation. people came up to me afterwards and said they'd never seen a man so composed on the altar. yet i had worries then, and look at my situation now. who knows all the things that go into it?

in other words, examine your decision (later) but don't berate yourself for it.

Oh my, this is the question isn't it. The moment we realize things are going to go bad but we still make the wrong decision against our own better judgment. I also had a couple of chances to escape and knew that would have been the best decision, and instead I asked her to move in with me or something equally morbid. I still really cannot grasp what was going on in my head then. Logic, intuition and feelings were misaligned by the FOG.

Keep up the good work Turkish.

[Turkish]

T plus 24 hours and her stuff is still not out! Can't really tell if she did much at all today,.but she had the kids... the reality of a day as a single mom. She has to work the next two days,.I have the kids Friday,.and then she all weekend, where my buddy is coingb to help.paint and do other stuff. This could go on another week.

Never listen to Turkish, no, who could see this coming and gently suggested she start packing three weeks ago. Do I exist just to ,make life convenient for her? Feel the anger .again... . must. Lower. Expectations... I want my key and alarm control back.

Felt good going into work earlier, but when she called and said she didn't get much done, I left early. Then I get home to an unchanged house, even with kid food residue left, and my stereo not powered down. Just resigned now that this woman will always demand I meet her needs, and couched in a nice voice, I need to keep seeing it for what it is. *sigh* no kids tonighgt for the first time since she took them for a weekend trip in early October. I've always been a loner, but got used to having my family around. Just weird tonight... .

[Waifed]

Hang in there Turkish. The loneliness can be debilitating for a while. Try to stay busy as much as possible. This has probably been the most difficult thing for me to deal with, especially when the ruminations start kicking in. Good luck and congratulations.   

[Ironmanrises]

Hang in there my friend. Your journey has been long and perilous. The beginning of your healing can commence. 

[Elpis]

Turkish,

you didn't toss the ring, and now you have 2 precious little ones... . little peeps I'm sure you would never be able to do without now.

Great job hangin' in and stayin' calm. Not all of us could do it.

[Turkish]

Turkish,

you didn't toss the ring, and now you have 2 precious little ones... . little peeps I'm sure you would never be able to do without now.

Great job hangin' in and stayin' calm. Not all of us could do it.

We do what we have to do. Crying a bit tonight.not for her, her actions disgust me. For my family... . first night w/out the kids in months. I'll see my little angel monsters tomorrow night though... . not hate, not that, but anger over this all. I knew for at least a year I could not stay with her... . I definitely triggered this. Need to own that. Maybe she was right in the Y1 break up/recycle, I wasn't man enough to end it actively, so I did it passively like now. Lingering FOG... .

[myself]

no kids tonight

I've always been a loner, but got used to having my family around. Just weird tonight... .

I've been there, it's an adjustment. It's not ideal but you'll get more used to it. Feel your feelings and keep focused on what's positive. What's best for you and your kids. Family's what you make of it.

[A Dad]

I have been following your story Turkish, and just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you.

After four days of "trial" separation, I had a talk with my stbxw and made it final, and I am feeling so much better. I realized that being with her, talking to her was causing me distress. So glad that I don't have to do that anywhere.

Hang in there mate, you are going to bring up two awesome kids and all of this won't even matter in a few years time.

[Elpis]

Turkish,

how has the week gone for you?

[Turkish]

Turkish,

how has the week gone for you?

Hi Elpis, I've had the kids for 14/15 days, 7 of them without her around at all. Though I got used to it, it still feels weird. She is still super friendly, and would have no problem with us being like best buds. I almost wish she hated me (not really, but maybe you know what I mean). She's taking them for the whole weekend so I and a friend who is coming to visit can work on the house. I don;t want her back in here, but it will be obvious gaslighting, in a way, for her to come back and see things changed. I really don't want her coming back in.

Still bothered that she left so much crap here. Kind of figured this would happen. Even some of her dirty clothes in a hamper, like she was so happy to take just enough to have her new pad and be free. I have to stop trying to figure out how she thinks, or why. Not my business anymore unless it concerns the kids, though she did call today and started talking about her work day, I deflected that convo (posted something about it on the co-parenting board). I don't care! Still looking to me for validation, pretty sad. Since I felt all she did through most of our r/s was INvalidate me, I need nothing from her in the way of conversation.

Kids going stir crazy being inside today due to rain, though we did go out earlier on a few errands. I hate malls now (since my Ex loved them), don't feel like going there. S4 just wants to spend $ anyway.

All in all, I guess I'm all right. Thinking about a new r/s to medicate the space. Sick on my part. She already had hers for months and months, so unfair.

Had a nice long late night conversation with my mom last night. She actually was listening to a lot of what I was saying. I realized today that I am the same age she was when I started junior high (early 40s). I guess I'm old enough now to offer her advice :^)

[maxen]

All in all, I guess I'm all right. Thinking about a new r/s to medicate the space. Sick on my part. She already had hers for months and months, so unfair.

it is so painful that they have a r/s where we have none. i know that i'm in no position yet to start anything. i have to keep reminding myself that her new r/s is founded on deceit and what could the content of such a r/s be? despite that, it hurts very deeply. ultimately i won't think about it.

the kiddies will keep you in contact with her, turkish, but, y'know, kiddies, they're fabulous!

[Mutt]

All in all, I guess I'm all right. Thinking about a new r/s to medicate the space. Sick on my part. She already had hers for months and months, so unfair.

it is so painful that they have a r/s where we have none. i know that i'm in no position yet to start anything. i have to keep reminding myself that her new r/s is founded on deceit and what could the content of such a r/s be? despite that, it hurts very deeply. ultimately i won't think about it.

the kiddies will keep you in contact with her, turkish, but, y'know, kiddies, they're fabulous!

I agree with maxen.

She's had it for months and months but at what cost? From what I recall this guy sounded like a real tool.

It's her loss, but I know it hurts.

[Elpis]

i gotta say, i think being in the WRONG r/s is worse than being in no r/s at all... .

i'm really happy Turkish, that you're painting and rearranging and giving yourself a fresh start. How would you feel about shoving all her leftovers into boxes and leaving them on her doorstep?  In the rain?

What's going to get through this initial time is just what you would tell anybody on here to do: concentrate on the important things and people. There's where the value will be. Sit with the feelings or write them out and tell them goodbye and burn 'em. Something to mark this momentous occasion.

i'm so glad you're open enough to share what you're going through, it does really help, right? i haven't been as brave myself.

[Turkish]

i gotta say, i think being in the WRONG r/s is worse than being in no r/s at all... .

i'm really happy Turkish, that you're painting and rearranging and giving yourself a fresh start. How would you feel about shoving all her leftovers into boxes and leaving them on her doorstep?  In the rain?

What's going to get through this initial time is just what you would tell anybody on here to do: concentrate on the important things and people. There's where the value will be. Sit with the feelings or write them out and tell them goodbye and burn 'em. Something to mark this momentous occasion.

i'm so glad you're open enough to share what you're going through, it does really help, right? i haven't been as brave myself.

Doorstep, rain... . hmmm. I know it isn't about being brave or not with you, as you've been in a very long marriage, and raised a big family, gone through many challenges and come out on top for you and your children. We all here have a lot in common, but our struggles are still our own. I think you are doing well.

[Elpis]

Very kind of you to say, Turkish.