Soo..Psychiatrist at 8AM tomorrow... she showed up at 6am

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Oh man... . after trying to go no contact she didn't take it well... . showed up in my room cause she still has keys... . she actually was kind of losing it and throwing her arms around half hitting me, like a physical push/pull type of thing... . It was stressful, heart breaking, and I just put her in bed and held her all night... . what choice did i really have... . SO this morning I go up and she was such an emotional disaster... . fell to the ground and just said "you said youd love me forever" like 20 times... . I told her the only thing I can do is call a psych and get her seen (she has been refusing to go for months and months, always some excuse and turn around on me).

She is going in tomo at 8AM, she seems to have lost all her fight... . hope that lasts another 24... . I told her point blank, you have BPD, made her watch 2 or 3 videos and shared what Ive said to you guys on here... . she didnt say much... .

But the problem is Im overwhelmed... . I feel like my life is passing me by and how could I ever be a nurse for someone my whole life?

It's all so confusing... . At least for now she gets some help right?

[Boisnix79]

Oh man... . after trying to go no contact she didn't take it well... . showed up in my room cause she still has keys... . she actually was kind of losing it and throwing her arms around half hitting me, like a physical push/pull type of thing... . It was stressful, heart breaking, and I just put her in bed and held her all night... . what choice did i really have... . SO this morning I go up and she was such an emotional disaster... . fell to the ground and just said "you said youd love me forever" like 20 times... . I told her the only thing I can do is call a psych and get her seen (she has been refusing to go for months and months, always some excuse and turn around on me).

She is going in tomo at 8AM, she seems to have lost all her fight... . hope that lasts another 24... . I told her point blank, you have BPD, made her watch 2 or 3 videos and shared what Ive said to you guys on here... . she didnt say much... .

But the problem is Im overwhelmed... . I feel like my life is passing me by and how could I ever be a nurse for someone my whole life?

It's all so confusing... . At least for now she gets some help right?

[Waifed]

Hopefully her fear will not turn to anger before the appointment.  Good luck.  Hopefully she will go into it with an open mind.

[love4meNOTu]

But the problem is Im overwhelmed... . I feel like my life is passing me by and how could I ever be a nurse for someone my whole life?

It's all so confusing... . At least for now she gets some help right?

Boisnix -

May I ask how old she is?

My exhwpbd is 45, and there was no glimmer of hope there. No looking within himself whatsoever. He just could not do it.

He blamed me for everything. That was all he could do.

I know the feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting to help them. I know you know this, but she has to help herself, or it won't stick.

So sorry you are going through this... it's such a powerless feeling, when you love someone and cannot get them the help they need.

You can't tho B... . she has to do it.

Worry about being her nursemaid later. Let's just see what tomorrow brings.

L

[DiamondSW]

Boisnix -you sound like a really impressive human being. 

I have a lot of respect for your actions/thoughts.

[Boisnix79]

Thank you so much. It's sad that I'm at the point that  nice things being said to me make me have watery eyes. .

This is like hell

[Boisnix79]

Love4me-

Shes 27, shes having a total breakdown right now... . saying its not just me over and over... . shes breaking down and "hitting" me and crying... . saying i dont love her... . How can I?

I told her I love her but right now this is the number 1 priority. I've actually found if I tenderly get close to her face to get her attention she relaxes.

[love4meNOTu]

B -

Would you consider taking her to the emergency room?

I don't think anyone who isn't a doctor is equipped to handle this, I'm afraid she will hurt you.

What do you think she means by "it's not just me" means? That this is your fault?

L

[DiamondSW]

Yes, agree.  Straight to the emergency room.  (unless she significantly calms)

Make sure there's nothing sharp in your home, get rid of any risks. 

Try something soothing like a cup of tea and biscuits.  Sounds crazy, but comfort comes in the most simple of ways at times.

Please look after yourself too.  I have dealt with some awful moments with my ex and they damaged me also.  You seem v impressive though. 

[Tausk]

Agreed.  If you're still at home with her, decide if you need outside intervention, RIGHT NOW!

It's not a game, and the Disorder is bigger than any of us.  I thought I could cure, control, rescue, fix... . I couldn't.

Good luck,

It's so difficult.  Keep in touch and let us know where you are at tomorrow morning.

T

[Boisnix79]

Hi guys, wow. Thanks for all the support with this and advice. It really does help so much. Cannot thank you enough. put the knives in a different drawer, thats kind of scary to think it's even close to this point... . you're right tausk, it is bigger than any of us... .

Well, so right now shes in bed sleeping. We went and got some in n' out burgers and watched a movie. (Funny how much this illness messes with your professional life).

The thing that's totally eating at me right now is her keeping asking if i still love her the same over and over... . NO I dont, I cannot imaging having kids with her or marrying her... . And at this point after her pushing me so far over the edge for so long and mean words and just nonsense... . The love is at like 20% of what it was... . I'm helping her because if I can get her diagnosed at least she can research and help herself... .

How can I rebreak-up with her after taking her to her assessment tomorrow morning? I'm thinking to leave town for a few weeks and work remotely and do it once I'm there... . ahhhh cant tell if Im codependent or just too damn nice... . I just know I want my happiness back... . and I dont want to wake up to someone in my room that I dont want there...

So question... . the emergency room, isnt that a bit overboard, or if shes losing it like that is it the best thing? What do they do for her there?

[Boisnix79]

Love me- I think she doesnt want to be the only one thats "crazy". Everytime I say you did this, she says well you did too... . and he has some lame example... . basically shes just reflecting... . or deflecting or whatever... . I think  honestly at this point she can speak chinese and make the same sense... .

[santa]

I used to hide knives too, Boisnix. I know that feeling all too well. Take care of yourself.

Best of luck dealing with this. I'm sure you'll do what's best.

[Surnia]

Shes 27, shes having a total breakdown right now... . saying its not just me over and over... . shes breaking down and "hitting" me and crying... . saying i dont love her... . How can I?

She is in a very bad place and you are shouldering the whole burden right now.

Which is a very difficult thing to do alone! Is there any possibility for you to reach out for support? Like a psych helpline? An emergency psychiatrist?

[love4meNOTu]

Love me- I think she doesnt want to be the only one thats "crazy". Everytime I say you did this, she says well you did too... . and he has some lame example... . basically shes just reflecting... . or deflecting or whatever... . I think  honestly at this point she can speak chinese and make the same sense... .

Well... . if she is playacting, a trip to the ER will stop that in it's tracks. She could be manipulating you, have you considered that?

But, if she isn't, and you truly believe that she is having some sort of psychotic break, the emergency room has drugs that will calm her immediately and make sure that you are not harmed. That's what I'm saying here, is that this is the type of situation that you are perhaps not best suited to handle. I'm not a psychiatrist, but warning bells are going off ... . she is hitting you, begging you to tell her you love her... overreacting... . pushing you... .

Too much drama for me. And hiding the knives? Are you kidding me? In what world is that normal... .

You are not responsible for her B, although you feel as if you are. She is responsible, she is an adult, not a child. Take care of yourself, ok?

Hugs

L

[Boisnix79]

I'm not saying I'm responsible. I'm helping her because its the right thing to do. If I dont do it then no one will. If i can sacrafice myself to help someone i love short term, im all for it.

And nothing about this is "normal", an yet nothing i read on these boards are normal.

[love4meNOTu]

Sounds like I pissed you off... sorry.

I will withdraw my comments.

Good luck B!

[Boisnix79]

No I'm not upset at all.  no need to withdraw. Pretty much all you said is true... . its just a matter where you are coming from, its perspective... . If I'm coming from CODEP place then what Im doing right now is very unhealthy... . But coming from where I am now, out of the FOG, I feel proud of helping her... . after the appt this morning shes saying ya I should be seeing a therapist even if we arent together... . for me, and I can talk about the past and maybe help myself and my anger problems... . That made hiding the knives worth it for me... . Not easy, but worth it... . Im so proud of her.