Dealing with not showing happiness...

[Lilibeth]

I wonder if anyone has this problem. My husband hates to see me happy. He cannot bear it if i express my happiness or even show it on my face. Immediately he says something to show me how wrong my thinking is and will quote statistics to show that i really have nothing to be happy about. Since it is not in my nature to be negative or to generally groan and moan about anything, not even about the state of the world, he thinks my thinking is all wrong and there is really nothing to he happy about... .

It is the same thing about feeling relief about something. He will immediately come back with this is only a temporary phase the reality is doom... .

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[Quantendynamik]

Same thing for me. 

I cut off all my habits a few years ago because of that, and housework was the only thing I am ok to do at home, oh, and the activities she defines, oh not really, at last, she lets me to pick the activity but only to deny it and then deny me for not suggesting fun stuff to do. 

In the recent few years, I starts to push back as I feel that cannot be right.

Now that I read about BPD: we have all the right to be happy!

From the readings I think it is because they fear for you having a way to enjoy ourselves, which triggers the abandoned feeling, and therefore the need to control. 

Help them, but also help ourselves.    

I wonder if anyone has this problem. My husband hates to see me happy. He cannot bear it if i express my happiness or even show it on my face. Immediately he says something to show me how wrong my thinking is and will quote statistics to show that i really have nothing to be happy about. Since it is not in my nature to be negative or to generally groan and moan about anything, not even about the state of the world, he thinks my thinking is all wrong and there is really nothing to he happy about... .

It is the same thing about feeling relief about something. He will immediately come back with this is only a temporary phase the reality is doom... .

[waverider]

I wonder if anyone has this problem. My husband hates to see me happy. He cannot bear it if i express my happiness or even show it on my face.

This is his problem, let him get used to it

Bring on the happy dancing and humming silly little tunes I say

[waverider]

I cut off all my habits a few years ago because of that, and housework was the only thing I am ok to do at home, oh, and the activities she defines, oh not really, at last, she lets me to pick the activity but only to deny it and then deny me for not suggesting fun stuff to do. 

A dominant only has control over a submissive because the submissive gives them control. In other words the submissive has overall control if they choose to exercise it.

[Lilibeth]

Waverider! you have surely made my day! Thank you. Have copied these lines... .

Thank you for the pointer. I will work towards this.

[hergestridge]

A funny thing is that BPD people allways take it personal. My BPD wife's reaction to my happiness is a different one. She becomes overly happy and giddy as if she'd won the lottery. I've found it a bit puzzling (and disturbing) that this annoys me, but it does.

But fact is, when I'm in a bad mood she think it's because of her. When I'm happy she think she's done something right.

I hate how she ruminanates about "that one time when you got mad" and "that one time when you became so glad" and she thought it was because of something she had done, when it was more a case of external factors or things that I had done for herself.

[waverider]

A funny thing is that BPD people allways take it personal. My BPD wife's reaction to my happiness is a different one. She becomes overly happy and giddy as if she'd won the lottery. I've found it a bit puzzling (and disturbing) that this annoys me, but it does.

But fact is, when I'm in a bad mood she think it's because of her. When I'm happy she think she's done something right.

I hate how she ruminanates about "that one time when you got mad" and "that one time when you became so glad" and she thought it was because of something she had done, when it was more a case of external factors or things that I had done for herself.

Computer crashes, I curse... . "what have I done now?" comes from the other room... Sound familiar?

[hergestridge]

A funny thing is that BPD people allways take it personal. My BPD wife's reaction to my happiness is a different one. She becomes overly happy and giddy as if she'd won the lottery. I've found it a bit puzzling (and disturbing) that this annoys me, but it does.

But fact is, when I'm in a bad mood she think it's because of her. When I'm happy she think she's done something right.

I hate how she ruminanates about "that one time when you got mad" and "that one time when you became so glad" and she thought it was because of something she had done, when it was more a case of external factors or things that I had done for herself.

Computer crashes, I curse... . "what have I done now?" comes from the other room... Sound familiar?

Hell yes. Her rection becomes the main draw. When I stumble and fall my first reaction is not to worry about wether I've hurt myself or not. My wife's violent reaction is inadequate, it kind of signals that she's more in need of help than me.  I know it's awful, but when she sinks into depression or falls ill, it's like a huge reflief. She retires inside herself and stops worrying about us others for a little while. It's like a mini-vacation.

[Quantendynamik]

Totally: I took a deep breath after lifting weight, "why are you sighing all the time?"

Computer crashes, I curse... . "what have I done now?" comes from the other room... Sound familiar?

[Lilibeth]

These posts are helping me to understand my husband's behavior too. Like hergestridge said - they take everything personally. Someone botches up at work, and my husband takes it personally, anything anyone does somewhere, including me, my husband will always somehow find a way of connecting it to him... .

[SoftLanding]

My uBPDbf truly believes that some employee at facebook intentionally crashes his ipad because "they" don't like his posts.  It happens every day.  I tried to explain to him that facebook and ipad don't play very well together, but he's not having that.  He'd much rather believe it's due to the content of his posted opinions.

[MissyM]

Computer crashes, I curse... . "what have I done now?" comes from the other room... Sound familiar?

Oh, yes!  I was scolding my son for breaking something, in the other room, and my husband walked into the room in a huff.   "Why are you yelling at me?"  It is just stunning.  On the other hand, if he breaks something or does something wrong, he gets mad at me and glares.  This is something we talked about in marital therapy before his diagnosis.  I would say he blamed me when things went wrong for him.  The first therapist was like, "Oh, you feel guilty when he messes up?"  Uh, No!  I don't think that therapist ever understood that he actually blames me when things go wrong.  He will say, "Well, if you were HELPING ME, that wouldn't have happened."  The therapists now, have been stressing to him that he is responsible for himself.  I am not his mother.