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BPDFamily.com
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
The Seige Continues
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Topic: The Seige Continues (Read 432 times)
santa
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 725
The Seige Continues
«
on:
February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM »
So, I'm at about 4 weeks of no contact right now. I'm totally committed to it.
Initially, I had a few emails from my ex that I never read.
About a week into it, I got a couple of envelopes in the mail from my ex. I did not read them.
A couple of weeks went by with no activity to report.
Then, yesterday, she called my phone. I did not answer. She also left a voicemail that I did not listen to. She followed up with an email that I did not read.
I'm pretty proud of the resolve that I'm showing on this. I'm really sticking with it.
It crossed my mind a couple of times today to not read whatever her email from yesterday said, but to just send her a quick reply with some mean comment. I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me whatsoever.
Maintaining radio silence.
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phantom17
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 39
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #1 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:14:09 PM »
High five for you!
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12164
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #2 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:17:44 PM »
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM
So, I'm at about 4 weeks of no contact right now. I'm totally committed to it.
Initially, I had a few emails from my ex that I never read.
About a week into it, I got a couple of envelopes in the mail from my ex. I did not read them.
A couple of weeks went by with no activity to report.
Then, yesterday, she called my phone. I did not answer. She also left a voicemail that I did not listen to. She followed up with an email that I did not read.
I'm pretty proud of the resolve that I'm showing on this. I'm really sticking with it.
It crossed my mind a couple of times today to not read whatever her email from yesterday said, but to just send her a quick reply with some mean comment. I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me whatsoever.
Maintaining radio silence.
Good for you santa, don't validate her. I may or may not get something like this later from mine... . I confess that I probably would read out of morbid curiosity. I think my mostly NC/No Talking (about us) through the last four months of her living her sent a clear message as much as it pained me (and probably her)... . a type of silent treatment.
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
fromheeltoheal
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #3 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:22:17 PM »
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM
I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me
It does seem that you still care some santa, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!
Logged
santa
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 725
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #4 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:34:27 PM »
Quote from: fromheeltoheal on February 05, 2014, 11:22:17 PM
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM
I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me
It does seem that you still care some santa
, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!
You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol
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arn131arn
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 826
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #5 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:49:02 PM »
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:34:27 PM
Quote from: fromheeltoheal on February 05, 2014, 11:22:17 PM
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM
I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me
It does seem that you still care some santa
, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!
You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol
Santa,
You have helped me tremendously over the past 7 weeks. You have always been there during the tough times. I picked up (stole) this quote today off the co-parenting board. Describing our ex's attempts at contact and how we respond to them. Like you said... . do nothing. Radio silence
"negative engagement is still engagement". The meaning gets clearer the longer I deal with ex. Causing chaos or mayhem is a great way to engage when nothing else works.
Such wise words for us to learn to understand, eh?
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santa
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 725
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #6 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:53:08 PM »
Quote from: arn131arn on February 05, 2014, 11:49:02 PM
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:34:27 PM
Quote from: fromheeltoheal on February 05, 2014, 11:22:17 PM
Quote from: santa on February 05, 2014, 11:06:32 PM
I decided that would be pointless though since I don't care about anything that pertains to her and I don't want her to think I actually read what she sent, so there's no sense giving her the satisfaction of responding. I also felt I'd wish later that I would have just kept my mouth shut, so that's what I've decided to do. She's not getting any response from me
It does seem that you still care some santa
, and good for you for maintaining your resolve!
You're probably right in the sense that I'm a little ticked off about everything still. I don't think that's going away any time soon. Hopefully it'll fade as time passes though. I just meant that I couldn't care less about her as a person. I'm working on it! Lol
Santa,
You have helped me tremendously over the past 7 weeks. You have always been there during the tough times. I picked up (stole) this quote today off the co-parenting board. Describing our ex's attempts at contact and how we respond to them. Like you said... . do nothing. Radio silence
"negative engagement is still engagement". The meaning gets clearer the longer I deal with ex. Causing chaos or mayhem is a great way to engage when nothing else works.
Such wise words for us to learn to understand, eh?
Great quote. I totally agree with it.
Logged
myself
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3151
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #7 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:54:30 PM »
Santa, what's great is you care more about
you
now.
You can do another 4 weeks easy.
We'll do them with you. Doing our own.
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santa
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 725
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #8 on:
February 05, 2014, 11:58:55 PM »
Quote from: myself on February 05, 2014, 11:54:30 PM
Santa, what's great is you care more about
you
now.
You can do another 4 weeks easy.
We'll do them with you. Doing our own.
Thanks, myself.
The time is really starting to fly by.
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Tausk
Formerly "Schroeder's Piano"
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 843
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #9 on:
February 06, 2014, 12:23:59 AM »
Santa:
Congrats on the NC resolve. I hope that it's what is best for you. As far as boundaries are concerned, a pwBPD is like water flowing downstream. It will seep into any gap that presents itself.
However, having said that, I also know that when my ex was trying to seep back into my life and recycle, she was also acting out of survival mode. Sometimes in panic, sometimes in fear, sometimes just because she has such a void due to her lack of self.
What seemed manipulative and maniacal was just survival responses from a very disturbed person trying to not drown in the very real terrors of the nightmare of her own existence. And even the anger and spite, was the personality of the punitive parent screaming shame into her very soul that had no place to process other than externally at me.
My ex is not a bad person doing sick things. My ex is a very sick person doing bad things.
So I try and think of my no contact with her, is an act of love for myself, and also for her. Because any contact will only trigger destruction. Any contact from me is simply enablement of the Disorder. Any contact could be the start the loss of myself again to the Disorder. And her reaching out for me, is not personal, I just happen to be there. Just like the interaction when we were together wasn't personal. I just let myself be there.
Congrats on your resolve. Going NC was the beginning of the FOG clearing so that I could address the FOO issues.
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Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12164
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #10 on:
February 06, 2014, 01:21:24 AM »
Quote from: tausk on February 06, 2014, 12:23:59 AM
My ex is not a bad person doing sick things. My ex is a very sick person doing bad things.
That is a key realization, and it helps me, too.
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
DreamGirl
Retired Staff
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4016
Do. Or do not. There is no try.
Re: The Seige Continues
«
Reply #11 on:
February 06, 2014, 03:00:48 PM »
What if it's about your daughter?
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"What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews
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