it really is...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

All about us. My 4th appointment with my P today, and I always feel so good leaving there. We barely touched on my exBPD. He keeps telling me it doesn't matter if she is BPD. I get a little upset today bc I said, "it matters to me."  What he meant was, they all run together. We worked on me. We talked FOO issues, how to meditate daily, and most importantly, who is Arn without HER?. Arn is a blast to be around, funny with a good sense of humor, likes to laugh and make others laugh, a heart of gold, sympathetic, and hates when people hurt. He is also unselfish, respectful, and driven. I have my faults, co dependent, needy, alcoholic, and cares too much what the world and ex think of him. But those character defects, I vow to work on and improve. Thanks, doc. Thanks for reminding me and letting me see that I am worth so much without her. That that one identity that was formed with my son's mother was unhealthy, that there is life after her, that I WILL get a chance to father my son, and one day... . make him laugh.

[arn131arn]

All about us. My 4th appointment with my P today, and I always feel so good leaving there. We barely touched on my exBPD. He keeps telling me it doesn't matter if she is BPD. I get a little upset today bc I said, "it matters to me."  What he meant was, they all run together. We worked on me. We talked FOO issues, how to meditate daily, and most importantly, who is Arn without HER?. Arn is a blast to be around, funny with a good sense of humor, likes to laugh and make others laugh, a heart of gold, sympathetic, and hates when people hurt. He is also unselfish, respectful, and driven. I have my faults, co dependent, needy, alcoholic, and cares too much what the world and ex think of him. But those character defects, I vow to work on and improve. Thanks, doc. Thanks for reminding me and letting me see that I am worth so much without her. That that one identity that was formed with my son's mother was unhealthy, that there is life after her, that I WILL get a chance to father my son, and one day... . make him laugh.

[Chunk Palumbo]

I question whether it's like Alcoholics Anonymous. After an alcoholic has supposedly recovered from their addiction to the substance in question, they are advised to avoid (NC) having an alcoholic beverage at all costs.

Surely, if they had recovered, they'd still be able to drink in moderation without turning into a raging lunatic. To me, that suggests that there is no recovery from addictions like that, only trained and learned avoidance.

Same with BPDexs. I've realized: I will never get over it. I may be able to trick my body into -thinking- I'm over, but as soon as I have a sip of her contact, I'll be drunk as a skunk again.

[ShadowDancer]

I question whether it's like Alcoholics Anonymous. After an alcoholic has supposedly recovered from their addiction to the substance in question, they are advised to avoid (NC) having an alcoholic beverage at all costs.

Surely, if they had recovered, they'd still be able to drink in moderation without turning into a raging lunatic. To me, that suggests that there is no recovery from addictions like that, only trained and learned avoidance.

Same with BPDexs. I've realized: I will never get over it. I may be able to trick my body into -thinking- I'm over, but as soon as I have a sip of her contact, I'll be drunk as a skunk again.

And THAT is the way it works! Keep the plug in the jug!

[fromheeltoheal]

I question whether it's like Alcoholics Anonymous. After an alcoholic has supposedly recovered from their addiction to the substance in question, they are advised to avoid (NC) having an alcoholic beverage at all costs.

Surely, if they had recovered, they'd still be able to drink in moderation without turning into a raging lunatic. To me, that suggests that there is no recovery from addictions like that, only trained and learned avoidance.

Same with BPDexs. I've realized: I will never get over it. I may be able to trick my body into -thinking- I'm over, but as soon as I have a sip of her contact, I'll be drunk as a skunk again.

What BPD and alcoholism have in common is that they are both diseases with no cure.  If you're an alcoholic you can learn tools for life that help you avoid taking that first drink, and therefore keep the disease in check, manage it.  Same with BPD; if a sufferer seeks treatment and learns skills like DBT, they can learn to manage their disorder effectively.  In both cases it's about noticing and dealing with triggers that can send a sufferer in the wrong direction.

Not so with folks who were in relationships with borderlines.  Water seeks its own level, meaning we were complicit in the dysfunction with our ex, created a toxic bond and a toxic dance that involved both of us.  The handy thing about a borderline is they shine a light on all of our areas that still need work, and that gift can be used to better ourselves and mature beyond where we were when we entered the relationship.  So ideally if we do the work and run into our ex at some future date, we will no longer be on the same page, no longer be compatible with that dysfunction, and it just won't matter.  Hallelujah!

[arn131arn]

Alcoholics can recover IF they do the work. So can we ya'll! So can we ya'll we just have to do the work.another great post Heel! Walking into work, time to shake dem drinks.

[myself]

I WILL get a chance to father my son, and one day SOON make him laugh.

Very positive post, great to read this. These ups and downs have been getting to me too and it's good to see someone rising above and heading in the right direction. I added a hopeful word of truth to something you said, knowing it's in the cards for you. Keep doing what you're doing, it's working.

[Cumulus]

Thanks heeltoheal, healing words.

[RecycledNoMore]

Arn is a blast!, your time will come,you are moving foward in a good way!, your sons a lucky lil guy to have you in his corner,the amount of deadbeat dads out there is phenominal... .

Glad the T is going well, Im on my 3 rd tomorrow,isint it a relief to be able to start unravelling all this,Foo issues run deep,affect everything you thought you knew... .