And she walks in the door this morning...

[Depression = 72% of members]

And the first comment is, "did the kids pee? It smells like pee in here." No, and I just had both doors open on this windy day to air out the house.

Always with the smells.

Spent some time getting more of her stuff. Still purposefully left her journal in the bathroom. I guess I will box it and keep it as evidence someday in case some new person doesn't believe me about all of this. Evidence of her disordered mind.

She did fill out the I&E for the custody stipulation, handed it to me. Good. On the way out, I asked for the keys and the alarm fob. She asked, "now?" As if it was a hassle to pull a darn ring of her set of keys. Yes, thank you, here's your last severance check, minus the cost of the booster seat I bought for you yesterday.

This will be her first test of having the kids for over a day in months, since early Oct, actually, when she took them on a roadtrip. We'll see how she does. Still had stuff in the back of her car. Probably busy medicating because she won't be able to get out to see her paramour for a few days, possibly not until the middle of next week. I wouldn't put it past her to invite him over after the kids go to sleep. Nothing I can do about that. My kids will be safe. He's into her, not them, though I don't doubt his narc tendencies to puff himself up like he cares about them. They are both living, walking Lies.

Started painting. The color I picked, though darker, isn't as quite a different shade as I wanted. Gaslighting, like I did with the bedroom. Took her days to question herself it I had painted it. Not for her, for myself this is. She'll be over next Sat when she picks up the kids to go through more of her stuff. I'll keep piling. It's almost like she doesn't care. I said I'd pile any mail or documents with her name on them, but that she had better claim things like picture frames and various paraphernalia , or it goes to the donation bin.

Will have a picture burning tonight when I bbq for my friends who are coming down to stay with me. Good friends... . so appreciative of them I am. I thought about torching the last family portrait we took back in the spring, but I have no other copies. I'll file it later for the kids. The one with S4 at 6 months will stay up in their bedroom. She looked so happy, and so did I, and we were for a time.

That is all for now. Keep healing and doing what you need to do for yourselves. They say here "hurt people hurt people" with respect to our BPDs. We are all hurt, yet I don't feel the need to hurt anybody; quite the opposite, and I think it is true for all of us. Yet I don't know why that is.

[Turkish]

And the first comment is, "did the kids pee? It smells like pee in here." No, and I just had both doors open on this windy day to air out the house.

Always with the smells.

Spent some time getting more of her stuff. Still purposefully left her journal in the bathroom. I guess I will box it and keep it as evidence someday in case some new person doesn't believe me about all of this. Evidence of her disordered mind.

She did fill out the I&E for the custody stipulation, handed it to me. Good. On the way out, I asked for the keys and the alarm fob. She asked, "now?" As if it was a hassle to pull a darn ring of her set of keys. Yes, thank you, here's your last severance check, minus the cost of the booster seat I bought for you yesterday.

This will be her first test of having the kids for over a day in months, since early Oct, actually, when she took them on a roadtrip. We'll see how she does. Still had stuff in the back of her car. Probably busy medicating because she won't be able to get out to see her paramour for a few days, possibly not until the middle of next week. I wouldn't put it past her to invite him over after the kids go to sleep. Nothing I can do about that. My kids will be safe. He's into her, not them, though I don't doubt his narc tendencies to puff himself up like he cares about them. They are both living, walking Lies.

Started painting. The color I picked, though darker, isn't as quite a different shade as I wanted. Gaslighting, like I did with the bedroom. Took her days to question herself it I had painted it. Not for her, for myself this is. She'll be over next Sat when she picks up the kids to go through more of her stuff. I'll keep piling. It's almost like she doesn't care. I said I'd pile any mail or documents with her name on them, but that she had better claim things like picture frames and various paraphernalia , or it goes to the donation bin.

Will have a picture burning tonight when I bbq for my friends who are coming down to stay with me. Good friends... . so appreciative of them I am. I thought about torching the last family portrait we took back in the spring, but I have no other copies. I'll file it later for the kids. The one with S4 at 6 months will stay up in their bedroom. She looked so happy, and so did I, and we were for a time.

That is all for now. Keep healing and doing what you need to do for yourselves. They say here "hurt people hurt people" with respect to our BPDs. We are all hurt, yet I don't feel the need to hurt anybody; quite the opposite, and I think it is true for all of us. Yet I don't know why that is.

[mgl210]

Turkish,

I can imagiine the pain that you are going through right now. However, you seem as if you are being strong and that I commend you on. I wish I had your strength. Unfortunately, as of this writing, I would be lying to you if I told you that I am being strong. With my b-day coming up, along with V-day, I find myself contemplating whether or not I should send my ex flowers or not. I have for the most part decided not to, but I feel as if I am under a test, that if I do, I would be considered a weakling, but at the same time, if I did, it would show my sincerity of how much I want her in my life.

She has alot of stuff at my house. I find myself wondering... . why did she leave all this stuff here if she knew she was going to leave? Is it a clue? Is it a sign of worse things coming? I find myself asking all these questions and it really sucks... . Be strong and be true to yourself... .

MGL

[janey62]

That is all for now. Keep healing and doing what you need to do for yourselves. They say here "hurt people hurt people" with respect to our BPDs. We are all hurt, yet I don't feel the need to hurt anybody; quite the opposite, and I think it is true for all of us. Yet I don't know why that is.

I know what you mean Turkish, it's as if we've survived a disaster and are kind of resigned and relieved all at the same time.  I have just left my SO with uBPD and have been through hell.  I should be really angry but instead I feel sad for him and glad for me that I survived and learned a lot from the experience.  Even if he contacts me again, which he has done, I won't be nasty to him.  All the cruel things he said to me over the past 18 months sometimes made me so frustrated and angry that I felt like exploding, but I never said anything nasty back.  Maybe they chose us for our forbearance and patience.  He often thanked me for being patient with him and thanked me for loving him. 

You sound weary Turkish; I'm glad your friends are coming to visit you.  It helps doesn't it.

Stay strong.

Janey x 

[arn131arn]

Turk, words cannot express how much you have meant to me these past few weeks. I was ready to give up last week, and you grabbed me by the ankles and got me to a better place, Army Ranger style. I look to you for advice when I get my boy back in my life. You are a friend, a friend I have never seen, and I hope you find peace soon. On a break, music about to start, time to have fun and make these ladies some drinks. Arn

[Turkish]

Turk, words cannot express how much you have meant to me these past few weeks. I was ready to give up last week, and you grabbed me by the ankles and got me to a better place, Army Ranger style. I look to you for advice when I get my boy back in my life. You are a friend, a friend I have never seen, and I hope you find peace soon. On a break, music about to start, time to have fun and make these ladies some drinks. Arn

Arn, thanks, that made me chuckle. Ranger style, eh?

I look forward to trading stories about our sons and our experiences raising them, I really do. Keep fighting the good fight, because it is worth fighting.