An anomaly

[Perfidy]

Tonight I'm at home base. I'm at my bar. I don't get here as often as I like. I'm sitting at the bar having my first Guinness. The ex shows up and tries to call me outside. No go. I refuse to acknowledge her. She walks in and puts her had on the right arm of my leather jacket. I will not look at her. She says some words about how sorry she is and how I haunt her dreams. All I hear is blah blah blah blah blah. I tell her without looking at her that I don't know who she is. I feel nothing. Nothing. No anger. No pain. No love. Nothing. Then I walked out and left.

[RecycledNoMore]

You saved yourself but what about the guinness?

[Perfidy]

Right. Priorities!

[Perfidy]

Seriously... I feel healed. I feel like none of this matters. I did not let her drag me into her crap. I'm good. Not gunna happen.

[heartandwhole]

Perfidy,

I don't think I would have stayed as calm as you, good work!  I'm curious about the fact that you felt nothing.  Did something come up later, then?

Was it indifference?  I'm curious, because I have been there, too, and wonder if I was just shutting down my feelings, you know?

[Perfidy]

Not really indifference. I say an appropriate response. I will reach indifference. I feel it. Pain and suffering only go so far.

[Perfidy]

I'm going to say discipline for right now. My own personal self discipline. I know she is bad for me. I know I possess my own power. I win every time. I win.

[Perfidy]

I win my self.

[Perfidy]

You haunt my dreams I think about you every day. Go figure. And I thought I was crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm human.

[love4meNOTu]

Oh man perfidy... .

Talk about grace under pressure. That "ignoring" of her is likely to set her off, but I'm glad you did what was best for you.

It takes strength to not want to help them again and again and again.

I hope you are doing ok now and the fallout isn't too horrible. I would probably put on a brave face at first, but then fall apart a few hours later.

Hugs to you,

L

[myself]

Was it like you had some walls up, or no walls at all just being yourself?

Wish I would have seen it. Next round would have been on me.

[Perfidy]

Caught me by surprise myself, I think I was accurately reflecting my feelings. I don't think I had walls up. I do not want this person in my life and I just acted accordingly. I placed none of my focus on her. Placed it all on my self. Didn't even look at her. Only thing I told her was "I don't know who you are." Then I left. I drove around for a little while and returned. She was gone. I stayed and finished the evening with a group of people that I consider friends. A very nice young lady I communicate well with was there. I spoke about the ex with no one. I let the encounter with her die as quickly as it happened. I went about my business. Didn't let it interfere too much. Went home and let it out.

[myself]

That sounds right. I hope to be that calm about it. So many feelings.