So you say you want empathy or a reason why they destroy everything?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

We won't get it. I wanted these things too. It's a simple request most of us would agree. To the BPD you'll sooner get blood from a turnip.

While looking at pics from a recent concert, i ran across a pic of my wife hugged up on another man. No doubt she was drinking and probably taking loads of pills. And of course my mind takes it to later in the night and what they probably did.

     So I break NC after 8 months and confront her. I tell her how good I was to her and her 2 kids and what little I ever asked out of her. I explained how faithful I had been and the hopes I once had for our family.

It was absolutely like talking to a wall. She can't or won't recognize she has ever done us wrong. I can not believe how little me pouring my heart out affected her. I may as well been a complete stranger!

I told her she was completely toxic and she destroys anything that's good around her.

So me being the sucker I am I tell her I won't go an inch further with her unless she gets professional help. I told her if she did the work and really wanted to change her/my life that I would stand by her and do all I could to make it work. Like I said, I'm a sucker.

  I know she won't get help because she would first have to admit she needs it.

     So in the next week I'll go get the rest of mine and my daughters stuff.(what she hasn't got rid of) I'm debating on going by her mother's and sisters to explain just how the last year has been. And to let them know I offered her help. They know how she is but I'm on the fence about explaining it to them.

I just had to vent a little I guess. And yeah, it sucks that all the rules we've all played by in love and relationships have no bearing with a BPD. 

Hell it's not even the same sport .

[blur]

We won't get it. I wanted these things too. It's a simple request most of us would agree. To the BPD you'll sooner get blood from a turnip.

While looking at pics from a recent concert, i ran across a pic of my wife hugged up on another man. No doubt she was drinking and probably taking loads of pills. And of course my mind takes it to later in the night and what they probably did.

     So I break NC after 8 months and confront her. I tell her how good I was to her and her 2 kids and what little I ever asked out of her. I explained how faithful I had been and the hopes I once had for our family.

It was absolutely like talking to a wall. She can't or won't recognize she has ever done us wrong. I can not believe how little me pouring my heart out affected her. I may as well been a complete stranger!

I told her she was completely toxic and she destroys anything that's good around her.

So me being the sucker I am I tell her I won't go an inch further with her unless she gets professional help. I told her if she did the work and really wanted to change her/my life that I would stand by her and do all I could to make it work. Like I said, I'm a sucker.

  I know she won't get help because she would first have to admit she needs it.

     So in the next week I'll go get the rest of mine and my daughters stuff.(what she hasn't got rid of) I'm debating on going by her mother's and sisters to explain just how the last year has been. And to let them know I offered her help. They know how she is but I'm on the fence about explaining it to them.

I just had to vent a little I guess. And yeah, it sucks that all the rules we've all played by in love and relationships have no bearing with a BPD. 

Hell it's not even the same sport .

[Mutt]

Hell it's not even the same sport.

They aren't on the same page in the relationship. Her view of the r/s is going to be something entirely different than your view.

I share a similar experience as you and I understand how painful it is when you see someone throwing everything away as if it were nothing. It's like talking to a wall because she splits herself and can't accept her portion that would make her feel bad or "black". I understand the frustration blur and I'm sorry this happened to you.

From my experience with my ex in-laws during separation, it's best not to say anything or expect that they will reciprocate. Blood is thicker than water.

Hang in there.

- Mutt

[Moonie75]

What would you think if after 8 months NC, she saw a pic of you with a woman & broke NC to go nuts at you?

Would you sympathise? I suspect not? You might be more inclined to inform her that after 8 months, what she says now is closing the stable after the horse bolted?

[Mutt]

What would you think if after 8 months NC, she saw a pic of you with a woman & broke NC to go nuts at you?

Would you sympathise? I suspect not? You might be more inclined to inform her that after 8 months, what she says now is closing the stable after the horse bolted?

He is seperated and considering reconciliation with his wife Moonie75. I wouldn't call what he did as "nuts".

Are you undecided blur?

[blur]

I'm all for our marriage IF she seeks the help I asked of her. I believe marriage should be life long through good and bad. I will not tolerate violence or the absolute control over my life she seems to want.

Moonie-

I believe I would sympathize. At least apologize for the mess I've caused. Seeing as how I can't relate to the crap storm constantly churning in a BPDs head it'd be hard to make a viable comparison.