What did you do to old letters and gifts from your BPDex

[Pinoypride18]

Happy Valentines day by the way. Today has been tough not thinking of my ex. But it could be a good and bad thing that i don't have to do anything for anyone on valentines. I still have the letters and cards from my uBPDexgf. Everything in them are lies. And the gifts used as leverage. I should get rid of them maybe burn them but im nostalgic, maybe one day it won't hurt to read them.

What have you guys done with old letters and gifts from your BPDex?

[tayma]

same here Pinoypride.

I guess today is a tough day for many of us.

I kept letters and gifts, wedding album etc., they are in a drawer in my bedroom.

Few weeks a go I read some letter from the beginning of our relationship and it does hurt.

Hurts and makes me angry, cause they seem so fake now. How could i believe every word he said?

[Cimbaruns]

Pinoypride

Yes today is probably hard for most of us... . however on the positive side I don't have to do anything for her. We shared only 2 valentines days since we were broken up on the other 2!

The first one should have been a clue when she expected me to take her on a long weekend getaway after only meeting 5 weeks earlier.

I did keep my wedding album and a few cards we exchanged but all the rest ( cards notes etc) I burned. It gave me some solice to remove those things from my possession . I think looking at them would have only kept the pain in the forefront of my mind. It may sound harsh but it made me feel better.

I think it's an individual choice of which you can only make as you try and move forward.

Sending you strength

[BorisAcusio]

I throw them in the bin.

[acknowledgement]

I threw away personal items from her the lies in the letters and cards and any gifts with photos on them... . too painful to look at when it was all a lie and they are not the person you thought them to be! Fresh start ,

[Waifed]

I threw away EVERYTHING.

[mywifecrazy]

Burn Baby Burn!

It doesn't hurt me now that I'm out of the FOG. She's not the person she portrayed herself to be anyway, it was all lies and deception just to USE me to take care of her. That person I fell in love with NEVER EXISTED!

[Pinoypride18]

You are right they never existed, no point in having letters from someone who never existed. It is helping, especially around this time, that even if i tried getting her back she won't be the same person i thought i loved. In fact she would be more like the replacement than me. Which is giving me solace because i hear he is a douche bag.

Anyways i dont think i can burn them, there was some effort put into making them. But im not going to go near them.

[DiamondSW]

I put everything that she ever gave me in a suitcase and dropped it off at her hall of residence reception.  Every single item related to us -think she's got a football and 2 nice bottles of men's aftershave! 

Every now and then I find something -found a book yesterday with an inscription about how precious I am... . that'll be in the post to her today. 

I don't want a thing of hers.  Nothing.  I have 4 photos still on my laptop, but they're well hidden.  I asked my T to delete all the photos of her on my mobile.  Didn't even want to look at her face, would hurt too much. 

[free-n-clear]

      Deleted ALL pictures of her/us from my phone, deleted all text & facebook messages, and packed all the possessions (mainly clothes) that she'd left at my place into boxes and returned them to her via a mutual friend. As for the few cheap gifts she gave me, I kept them - not because they were from her but despite that. For example, I like my Newcastle Knights coffee mug, use it all the time! Not because she gave it to me, because it's the KNIGHTS!     

[ShadowDancer]

I conducted an age old pagan ritual. All non combustion able items went immediately into the weekly trash with no looking back and the rest went onto a full moon bonfire. It was very cathartic to watch her face in the photograph brown and crinkle to finally burst into flame.

[feelingcrazy7832]

I threw everything away and deleted probably almost picture that had ever been taken of him in 3 1/2 years. Interesting thing is that I never did that with anyone else I've been with. I have letters and pictures saved from my few long term relationships before him that I would never get rid of. 

I want no reminder of my BPD ex ever. . .

[Happy1]

As others would say here, "I binned everything" accept for maybe one or two old slides of here, which are locked with other things in a safety deposit box. So, I have nothing to ruminate upon. When she tried to recycle me, she sent a picture of her and her happy family along with a letter she enclosed. I tossed that after a couple of days of pain. Other letters she's sent me have gone to my friends to open and to read with the caveat that if there is something really really important they should tell me about that, otherwise to throw it away if they'd choose.

I figure this way, I have nothing to reflect and to draw me back into "her world." No temptations.

[Spartan999]

In a span of 13 months which had constant ups and downs because of the disorder,  through two Christmases,  one Valentines,  one of my birthdays,  and any other opportunity to give something as a show of sentiment,   I have nothing... .   that was a post-red flag that got noticed by the 2nd Christmas... . she had no capacity to react on that type of emotional gesture... .   No card on valentines, a birthday,  or a Christmas with sentiments...     I even addressed this late in the game,  and she got defensive and wanted to shut the conversation down, which she always did... . she said 'I'm not good with cards, I don't do cards'.    She would also be dismissive about receiving flowers, etc.    She wanted items like Michael Kors purse or watch,  things that she could use going forward to up her image,  and boost her 'value'... .    I don't believe this behavior suprises anyone.   But the clingy, needy part,  is what makes us feel attached... if you step back and see the signs of what I mentioned above,  especially looking back,  it is just absolute psychologically emotionally stunted textbook... .    and of course,  don't ever confront these details in the future,  they have rewritten history,  that part will also remain textbook.    For most of us,  our one-sided giving,  is not how they recall things,  or even recalled them while you are in it day to day.

[Mutt]

Happy Valentines day by the way. Today has been tough not thinking of my ex. But it could be a good and bad thing that i don't have to do anything for anyone on valentines. I still have the letters and cards from my uBPDexgf. Everything in them are lies. And the gifts used as leverage. I should get rid of them maybe burn them but im nostalgic, maybe one day it won't hurt to read them.

What have you guys done with old letters and gifts from your BPDex?

I got rid of love letters during the idealization phase from 8 years ago , all of her cards and gifts throughout the r/s and marriage a week when she left a year ago.

I didn't find that any of those things held value anymore because of the context of the r/s and they really didn't mean anything.

I stored all of our family pictures away for the kids.

[Spartan999]

Oh, and to add,  what items of mine given to her would she still possess...   As i've seen in photos of her and my replacements,  she is still looking stylish with the michael kors purses and watch on her arm... .  I would say surreal,  but not really.    And because of her rages and hyper reactions,  any pictures that were ever once adored by her and put in frames, stuff like that got thrown away during individual episodes... . whereas I left pictures up at my house waiting for things to blow over,  she took things to extreme... . there were no pictures left to put back up when reconciliation happened a few days later... .  again, textbook on my end...   What is surreal,  is knowing what I know now,   and looking back at how I had a CLASSIC lifecycle encounter with a BPD,  a dominant, enabled one... .  Today, over one year out,  shes sharing second valentines with new person (one just after me lasted a month),   this new one is going okay on the surface after 3 months, as it has been established over the holiday season, and Im sure today V-Day is a big boost for him as well in this short time frame h-moon period... .   so, I believe other than status items,  she had steadily destroyed any items accumulated from me.   Very easy for them to do that.   Sentimental guilt is not one of their weaknesses

[Popcorn71]

I boxed up all the photos, notes, cards etc. and left them on his doorstep.  Since then I have sent back to him, anything else I found like little love notes hidden amongst my things.  I deleted all online photos and anything stored on my pc.  I sold all the jewellery he had bought for me.  I hope I have got rid of everything now.  I just wish I could get rid of him from my mind too.

[Tausk]

Everything in them are lies.

What have you guys done with old letters and gifts from your BPDex?

I cried and burned them all in the fireplace or donated to goodwill,not because they were lies by ex, but rather to help me detach from my projections.

For me the letters and gifts were NOT lies by my ex.  She believed and wrote what she thought she should write.  She's an emotionally traumatized three-year old.  When she said that she loved me and would stay with me forever, she meant it just as any three year old would mean it.

THE LIES WERE MY PROJECTIONS OF WHAT THE GIFTS MEANT.  I projected my feelings and intention on what was given to me, had I given them to my ex.  

My half of the street was projecting actions, feelings, responsibility... . upon a person who had no capacity to live up to my projections.,  

We do this as children with our parents. It's hard when we learn that they aren't invincible.  But we learn this lesson as children.  I failed to use this knowledge with my ex.

sadness.

Happy Valentines day all. I love you... . no projection  

[maxen]

everything she did has been poisoned by the way she ended it. i'm having a hard time already remembering what the texture of the marriage was like, except to say that every time i see her picture or handwriting it brings only pain. she was hiding so much.

i've given away the gifts, unless it's cool and i have used it enough to make it "mine" (the shortwave radio, the Canadian Pacific man-purse). gifts of books and videos that i liked i can buy my own copies of. gifts of clothes, all tossed.

her emails i edited after d-day, and then put the ones i kept into a file which i haven't looked at since.

her valentine's cards and birthday cards i've torn up.

the wedding album i've kept, but i am resisting a strong urge to tear up the pictures with her in them. it was my day too though, so i'd keep the rest. or maybe i'll do neither. i'll just have to feel through this.

[GuiltHaunted]

  I packed all her letters and sent them back to her about 2-3 months after she broke up with me. This was the first round of NC initiated by her. On round 2 now initiated by me (man I miss her today).

Funny thing is, in-between, when we had civil contact, she never mentioned it with one word or question... . She is just too, bottled up emotionally to be able to have such a conversation.

[GuiltHaunted]

... . oh and about gifts. I never got anything from her in the 4 years we were together. Nothing that I still have anyway (threw an awful coffee mug away).

I read they are very bad at buying gift, because they lack the empathy to be able to think what the NON want. That certainly fits in the case of my exuBPDgf.

:'(

[shellsh0cked]

Anything that reminds me of her... . good or bad... . is in a drawer in my bedroom.  It has pictures of us... . a nice watch she gave me with an inscription that says "think of me ♥".  It also has the tormenting letters and knives she was going to stab me to death with in there... . So any time in the past I missed her, I had that stuff to remind me of just how horrible the bad times were which made the good times not seem even worthwhile.  Funny how you feel possessed by someone like that and how STUPID you feel later.  Hell I am angrier with myself for allowing it that I could ever be at her... .

[maxen]

I read they are very bad at buying gift, because they lack the empathy to be able to think what the NON want.

mine used to buy me not what i asked for, but some version of it that she liked better. i had a loving but clear talk with her about this.

[MrFox]

What could be burned was burned.  What couldn't was trashed.  The only thing I have left of her is a hard drive with all the emails and texts between us.  After how she has portrayed me as some kind of sexual predator in her smear campaign I feel the need to keep them as evidence that was not the case at all.  I never thought that I would have to do anything like that with anyone, particularly someone who I loved and thought loved me so much.

[shellsh0cked]

What could be burned was burned.  What couldn't was trashed.  The only thing I have left of her is a hard drive with all the emails and texts between us.  After how she has portrayed me as some kind of sexual predator in her smear campaign I feel the need to keep them as evidence that was not the case at all.  I never thought that I would have to do anything like that with anyone, particularly someone who I loved and thought loved me so much.

Sexual predator?  Yeah I was according to her, a voyeur, a paraphilliac, and a narcissist.  All projection of her.  Almost laughable now... . wasn't then though.

[Mutt]

I read they are very bad at buying gift, because they lack the empathy to be able to think what the NON want. That certainly fits in the case of my exuBPDgf.

Mine was not like that with the gift buying. I never thought that she got me something bad, but she was always worried that she gotten something that I didn't like. It was always difficult to convey and for her to accept that I liked whatever it was. It didn't matter to me at the time, it was the thought that counted.

Whatever it was, good gifts or bad gifts, they all made their way to the trash bin.

[MrFox]

What could be burned was burned.  What couldn't was trashed.  The only thing I have left of her is a hard drive with all the emails and texts between us.  After how she has portrayed me as some kind of sexual predator in her smear campaign I feel the need to keep them as evidence that was not the case at all.  I never thought that I would have to do anything like that with anyone, particularly someone who I loved and thought loved me so much.

Sexual predator?  Yeah I was according to her, a voyeur, a paraphilliac, and a narcissist.  All projection of her.  Almost laughable now... . wasn't then though.

It's projection on her part as well.  The first two years I knew her, I had to rebuke numerous sexual advances on her part.  In the total 3 1/2 years I knew her she has slept with more people then I have in my entire life.  In that time, I slept with 2 women, her and the girl that I was dating when we first met.  She uses sex as a tool for control as well as to soothe herself.

It's not yet laughable for me, though it will be someday.  I was honestly afraid she would press sexual assault charges on me, which is why I made sure to keep the texts and emails in a safe place.  I'm less worried about it now, but who knows when she might need some drama?

[Pinoypride18]

I read they are very bad at buying gift, because they lack the empathy to be able to think what the NON want.

mine used to buy me not what i asked for, but some version of it that she liked better. i had a loving but clear talk with her about this.

Wow you guys nailed it! mine was bad at gift giving. She did't really get me anything i wanted or needed. Instead she would get me something that he herself would want and if i liked it she would get one herself. Mine really had no idea what i wanted. In fact for valentines day last year she gave me a giant chocolate cake. I am not a dessert person and i especially cannot finish a whole cake on my own. I found it more of a burden. She could have given me a sandwich. Other gifts include a promise that was never kept and a pull up bar, i guess she was implying she wanted me to work out more. But the rc helicopter she gave me i smashed to pieced, it felt great.

I did like the thought and gesture of these gifts, but my gifts to her were way better.

[Pinoypride18]

What could be burned was burned.  What couldn't was trashed.  The only thing I have left of her is a hard drive with all the emails and texts between us.  After how she has portrayed me as some kind of sexual predator in her smear campaign I feel the need to keep them as evidence that was not the case at all.  I never thought that I would have to do anything like that with anyone, particularly someone who I loved and thought loved me so much.

Sexual predator?  Yeah I was according to her, a voyeur, a paraphilliac, and a narcissist.  All projection of her.  Almost laughable now... . wasn't then though.

It's projection on her part as well.  The first two years I knew her, I had to rebuke numerous sexual advances on her part.  In the total 3 1/2 years I knew her she has slept with more people then I have in my entire life.  In that time, I slept with 2 women, her and the girl that I was dating when we first met.  She uses sex as a tool for control as well as to soothe herself.

It's not yet laughable for me, though it will be someday.  I was honestly afraid she would press sexual assault charges on me, which is why I made sure to keep the texts and emails in a safe place.  I'm less worried about it now, but who knows when she might need some drama?

I never knew my BPDex's number, afraid to ask. But i know it is up there. And i hate how they use sex as a tool or weapon. Bribing us or withholding if we didn't do something. At the same time they are sex addicts and cannot keep their pants on. I would consider mine "super easy" it was pretty much her jumping on me and ripping my clothes off. So it should be no surprise that she would jump on someone else so quickly. They are needy and use sex as the only way to connect or attach to people.

[mgl210]

I still have all of her stuff. Most of its in a box, but not all... . I still have to find all of it first... . She unblocked me from FB today... Or yesterday or sometime.I don't know. I know I shouldn't have looked, but I was curious... Today, was harder than I would like to admit... . SIgh


MGL