For those of you who have stayed was it worth it

[Pinoypride18]

Im actually asking those who were not married or have kids with your BPD

For those not married to the BPD, was it worth it to stay?

And does therapy help?

Or

Do you regret staying in the relationship knowing what you know?

[jaybuzz]

I was with my exBPD 11 months and that was 10 months 29 days to long, no, staying, trying, wasnt worth it.

[Indiana]

Personally, I am having serious doubts as to whether it's worth it.  I will stick it out until our children are grown and on their own, but beyond that I really don't know.

I really dread the times when our kids aren't home and I have to be alone with her.  Things are better when we are busy with family things, but it seems like on the weekends when we have some down time is when she really starts to dwell on everything that makes her unhappy.  It only takes one mistake to set her off on the silent treatment for the remainder of the weekend, and often into the next week.  For example, a couple of Saturdays ago, I was making breakfast.  I splattered some grease on the stove.  As I was getting some paper towels to clean it up, she started shouting at me:  "Why don't you watch what you're doing!" and "I just cleaned the stove!".  It was literally a 10-second cleanup, not a major spill.  However, it effectively ruined the remainder of Saturday and all day Sunday.  It was Monday night before she returned to normal.

So to answer your question, "Is it worth it?"... . I don't know.  I think at this point for me, it is worth it for my kids' sake, but in about five more years, I will be staring down the barrel of 30-40 more years of life in an empty nest with a woman who is doubtlessly going to have a negative effect on my enjoyment of life. 

[pixiecat]

It's still worth it for me, or I wouldn't be doing it.  (We don't have children together)

I do get actual good, actually positive and healthy things from the relationship.  It's hard and very painful at times, but there is good too.  It goes in waves and cycles.  He says the cycles are like a clock - we always go round and end up back at 12 with the minute hand, but the hour hand is moving each time.  And it is.  If there wasn't some progress, I'd struggle to justify the comittment.

[Katy-Did]

Yes.  It's worth it because he made the choice to help himself as I learned about boundaries and taking care of myself.  We've been together 20+ years; no children. 

[guitarguy09]

It has been a rough road, but I will say it has been worth it at least up until now. My uBPDw gets me better than any other person I've known, and we have an awesome time together when she is not having symptoms. I can clearly see there was more conflict and arguing towards the beginning of our marriage (3 1/2 years) then there is now. We still have the fighting and arguing from time to time, but through this site and just my own experiences I have learned to limit the arguing and fighting to a minimum. Specifically not responding when she is at her angriest is usually best.

[Pinoypride18]

wow it seems it is easier to live with a BPD male than a BPD female.

my exBPDgf was not worth it. i stayed longer than i should have

[guitarguy09]

wow it seems it is easier to live with a BPD male than a BPD female.

my exBPDgf was not worth it. i stayed longer than i should have

From this very limited sample size, yes. I think overall it would be pretty even, although with a propensity for violence, BPD males might be more dangerous. I think it is more embarrassing for people like me living with a female w/BPD because society kind of expects the men to be "in control" of the relationship which is certainly not true most of the time.

[elemental]

It hasn't been worth it at all. I have hope it will be as time goes on. If it doesn't improve, then at some point I will end it.