How did you feel about the sexual part of the relationship?

[Pinoypride18]

At first we would do it 6 or 7 times a day, like crazy porno sex.

Towards the devaluation stage it became far less like  2 or 3 times a month. That is when she would just want quickies.

Yet she would get mad at me when I didn't give her, what she called long (duration) and hardies.

That emasculated me because no matter how long it was she always wanted another and another all while she just laid there.

[Dog biscuit]

Altough the sex looked great from a pornographic point of view, ( and yes, he was very submissive in a controlling manner... .  ) the lack of an emotional connection made it unsatisfiying. I have often felt during the sex something was off, it was nice but mechanical.

It was definatly not the best sex I ever had, it sure was exciting but not fullfilling. It was kind of shallow acctually... . wich of course made me even try harder to establish an emotional connection.

[jaybuzz]

In my case great sex never happened ... ever ... . Dead fish or plank of wood comes to mind.

[dansure]

The sex was great at first. At the beginning she was so obsessed with it that it was even too much for me and some point.

But towards the end of the relationship we rarely had sex and when we did it felt like she is doing it because she has to. She once even said in a fight "well what do I do for you? I give you sex!".

[WalrusGumboot]

Great sex only happened at the very beginning, then it was just used as a means of manipulation with strings attached.   I got to the point where I was dreading it, but being a young man and having normal desires, I figured it was better than nothing, even though now I am questioning that logic!

[Pinoypride18]

WalrusGumboot, i was also dreading it myself yet would still go through it because i was young and wanted it. she expected i would perform at that level all the time.

i just want to find someone who appreciates it as much i do, and sees it as something special not just something routine that she will use to get me to do things, or critisize my performance.

[maxsterling]

Good sex?  I can't say I even get that.  She's got so many self-conscious hang-ups about sex.  Self conscious of her body.  Of her performance.  She hates herself.  She feels ashamed.  I haven't had sex with her in months without hearing some sort of negative comment.  Negative comments = turn off.  

And then there is the birth control issue.  She doesn't want to use it.  this despite getting pregnant and having an abortion 2 years ago from some other casual relationship because she refused to use birth control.  And she's incredibly shameful of the abortion, brings it up at least once a week, and won't let it go.

[charred]

My pwBPD... . I was crazy about, sex was great for idealizing time... . eventually was dumped... then many many years later she looked me up on FB and we got back together. Second go round, sex was great for a little while... but I noticed things.

When she was idealizing, it seemed a bit phony, when clingy a bit real, and when hating 100% real with every fiber of her being. Scariest person I have been around, absolutely nothing held back. Emasculating, shrill, ... . insane looking. Became clear after a bit that she had issues... and the sex became creepy. Noticed her watching me for reaction as only objective... took it as more manipulation and lying... but stuck with her a while longer.

Found I wasn't wanting sex with her as she was starting to repulse/scare me... . and as has been stated... WOW, did that trigger her.

Saying no to her launched a long tirade. I was yelled at for hours, tried to leave, she took my keys and seemed to be looking for a weapon.

Anyway... my stress level went over the top, saw a T, he got me to doing mindfulness, I got my head on straight and decided to call her on any BS... and it ended quickly after that.

[findingmyselfagain]

Sex was definitely too important in our r/s. She stole my virginity, something I wanted to save for my future wife. She pressured me and pressured me and seemed devastated when I turned her down. It was a major part of her self-esteem and feeling attractive, and she didn't value her body any more and needed the sex to feel close and prove her worth. Kind of sad. At first I enjoyed it because I thought, wow, she's really into me. Of course, you think you're awesome, too. The media and our culture seem to project the ideal romance as love at first sight, sparks flying, intense passion, but is that really healthy? Does it work out over the long haul? I don't think so. Some of her most intense tantrums were sex-related. Either she was too tired and I may as well have been dealing with ice. Or if I was too tired, she still had to have it almost instantly.

Other than the sex, she seemed pretty smart and easy to talk to. There were the strange fights and some behavior that didn't make sense, but on the whole it was ok until just after our wedding shower. I just didn't realize how insecure and broken she really was. There were plenty of red flags and pretty much the same story we all have here. Should never have gone out with her. She has a lot of healing to do.

[hergestridge]

I'm not hooked on the great sex - because it's really not that great.

The thing I've been hooked on is she wanting me again. The way she suddenly loses interest in me completely is so cruel and unexpected everytime.

[starshine]

The sex I had with my uBPDexbf was the best I ever experienced, right from the start.  Was it worth it?  I guess I would have to say yes, just because now I know I can reach that state of ecstasy.  We maintained an active sex life up until the moment he broke up with me- he tried to make love with me in the morning and brokeup with me in the afternoon.  In his hurtful fit during his pathetic breakup ("That's it!  We're over!"- that's how you end a 5 year relationship?) he also informed me that my blow jobs were over-rated.  I must say, I've never heard that from anyone else, so I have to think it was just one more lie in his volumes of lies. 

Hopefully one day I will trust myself to experience such intensity with someone who is honest and trust worthy, who can do the work of really being in a relationship. 

[dzstyle]

For me, in the beginning, sex was good. She quickly started telling me she was having the best sex of her life and how bad were her former sexual partners. Few months later, she started asking me about my fantasies and how she was willing to realize them but I realized that it was a lot of talking and nothing happened. Slowly, she started to take control on the sexl life. She would fake being sick (stomach,head) to not having sex or it would take 30 minutes to start having sex (she wanted me to talk to her before everytime). At the end of the r/s, we barely had sex once a week (I was getting tired to always have to work like I was trying to convince a 18 years old to have sex for the first time). And the best thing about it is that she was putting the blame on me on our poor sex life because I was trying enough according to her. Even if I tried to explain myself by telling her she was never available for sex. She never seemed to understand my point.

[dzstyle]

When we weren't living together, I would pass by her house sometimes after work (I finish late night). For her, even if we were going out together, it was impossible that I left straight after having sex (she needed 30 min to talk and cuddle). If I tried to leave, she would be " you are treating me like a whore".