I just sent an e-mail to BPDxgf. This was after 4 days of NC, which had been the 4 days since I found this community.
I feel deflated and ashamed. I know I won't get a reply. I wrote, "If you can talk, I'm in the office. If not, I understand." I feel so lame.
Based on all I've read here, I should have posted here first. Based upon all I've read here, I'm still in a fog. Yet -- before I had this community, I'd spiral into shame and defeat and sadness and pain.
So, for the first time in 4 years, I'm going to pick myself up, and forgive the contact. I'm going to believe that I'm okay, and that I will survive this. I'm going to be an active and supportive member of bpdfamily, and I'm going to make my pledge here. As of 3:45 pm EST on February 21, 2014, I am instituting a full-on program of NC.
Detox begins now. Detaching begins now.
This is the place I need to be.
Thank you all for being here. We're in this together.
I feel you. I feel so sh**** today after he contacted me and I was pretty much forced to respond... it was 4 days for me too.
But he threatened to throw some tax info away with private information.
I thought he would apologize ... show some guilt... but he didn't.
So not only do I feel he backed me into a corner with the NC... I am
annoyed b/c he could have at least done that thing that other borderlines do...
apologize profusely... I just want the validation that he sees what he just did was so wrong.
Maybe he does feel shame... but he is hiding it... too much pride. I dunno.
But he could have thrown it away without contacting me... if he hates me so much
so dunno why he did that.
Let's do it together. Today at this time we go nc... if you need to private message me please feel free.
It's very hard... .
I mean... what are you gonna do if and when she does respond? You'll need lots of support.
I know how you feel.
Good luck