Detoxing & Detaching

[LettingGo14]

I just sent an e-mail to BPDxgf.   This was after 4 days of NC, which had been the 4 days since I found this community.   

I feel deflated and ashamed.   I know I won't get a reply.  I wrote, "If you can talk, I'm in the office.  If not, I understand."   I feel so lame. 

Based on all I've read here, I should have posted here first.  Based upon all I've read here, I'm still in a fog.  Yet -- before I had this community, I'd spiral into shame and defeat and sadness and pain.

So, for the first time in 4 years, I'm going to pick myself up, and forgive the contact.  I'm going to believe that I'm okay, and that I will survive this.   I'm going to be an active and supportive member of bpdfamily, and I'm going to make my pledge here.   As of 3:45 pm EST on February 21, 2014, I am instituting a full-on program of NC.   

Detox begins now.  Detaching begins now.

This is the place I need to be.

Thank you all for being here.  We're in this together.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I just sent an e-mail to BPDxgf.   This was after 4 days of NC, which had been the 4 days since I found this community.   

I feel deflated and ashamed.   I know I won't get a reply.  I wrote, "If you can talk, I'm in the office.  If not, I understand."   I feel so lame. 

Based on all I've read here, I should have posted here first.  Based upon all I've read here, I'm still in a fog.  Yet -- before I had this community, I'd spiral into shame and defeat and sadness and pain.

So, for the first time in 4 years, I'm going to pick myself up, and forgive the contact.  I'm going to believe that I'm okay, and that I will survive this.   I'm going to be an active and supportive member of bpdfamily, and I'm going to make my pledge here.   As of 3:45 pm EST on February 21, 2014, I am instituting a full-on program of NC.   

Detox begins now.  Detaching begins now.

This is the place I need to be.

Thank you all for being here.  We're in this together.

I feel you. I feel so sh**** today after he contacted me and I was pretty much forced to respond... it was 4 days for me too.

But he threatened to throw some tax info away with private information.

I thought he would apologize ... show some guilt... but he didn't.

So not only do I feel he backed me into a corner with the NC... I am

annoyed b/c he could have at least done that thing that other borderlines do...

apologize profusely... I just want the validation that he sees what he just did was so wrong.

Maybe he does feel shame... but he is hiding it... too much pride. I dunno.

But he could have thrown it away without contacting me... if he hates me so much

so dunno why he did that.

Let's do it together. Today at this time we go nc... if you need to private message me please feel free.

It's very hard... .

I mean... what are you gonna do if and when she does respond? You'll need lots of support.

I know how you feel.

Good luck

[heartandwhole]

Hi LettingGo14,

It's so understandable to feel deflated about giving in, but you are not alone, we've all been there.  Please be gentle with yourself, it's normal to look for relief when we feel longing and hurt.

I'm glad you've taken the pledge!  NC is great for giving you space to get out of the fog and balance your body and mind, but detachment is the real nitty gritty.  You are okay, and you will survive this. 

We'll support you all the way.   

[LettingGo14]

Thank you both.

I am very grateful for this community.  It has opened my eyes.

[almosthadme]

Hang in there NC is a powerful tool.n pain.Keep reading and you soon will be able to predict there next move it's really very interesting.When you start to step out of the fog you realize they are not worthy of being in your life.Good luck.

[mitchell16]

LettingGo14, dont feel bad. We have all been there. I cant count how many time I have myself. But if you can do it NC is the best. I was NC for awhile and let my guard down and started light contact. I almost was pulled back in for round... I dont know ive lost count. mine was attempting a recycle after being apart since july. I went through a week of her telling me just how much she loved me and missed me and how everything was her fault. I was on my guard because I had been there before. Then out of nowwhere she starts telling me we shouldnt be togther and then out of nowhere she starts giving me the silent treatment. If I had let mysefl, i would have been devasted. But If I had stayed NC none of that would have ever occurred. good luck these boards really do help.

[Changingman]

Good man,

It's about you, no contact is about creating space for you to heal, find yourself again. It's hard but real.

All the best

[almosthadme]

LettingGo14, dont feel bad. We have all been there. I cant count how many time I have myself. But if you can do it NC is the best. I was NC for awhile and let my guard down and started light contact. I almost was pulled back in for round... I dont know ive lost count. mine was attempting a recycle after being apart since july. I went through a week of her telling me just how much she loved me and missed me and how everything was her fault. I was on my guard because I had been there before. Then out of nowwhere she starts telling me we shouldnt be togther and then out of nowhere she starts giving me the silent treatment. If I had let mysefl, i would have been devasted. But If I had stayed NC none of that would have ever occurred. good luck these boards really do help.

Weird how pwBPD can not handle if you act like you do not care.They need to pull you in hear about how you love and care for them.Once they achieve that it's time to break you down.