The Charm After The Discard

[Depression = 72% of members]

Not sure why the word "Hover" turned into " Charm". Anyhow see below for my updated post:

Dear fellow bpdfamily,

wanted to start a thread and see if you have ever been "hovered" after the final break up (you left them, or they left you).

Did you BPD ex attempted an "Hover" on you after they found a new replacement? If yes, what was the "excuse" to touch base?

AL

[arielleis]

Not sure why the word "Hover" turned into " Charm". Anyhow see below for my updated post:

Dear fellow bpdfamily,

wanted to start a thread and see if you have ever been "hovered" after the final break up (you left them, or they left you).

Did you BPD ex attempted an "Hover" on you after they found a new replacement? If yes, what was the "excuse" to touch base?

AL

[Want2know]

The reason why that word was automatically replaced was because 'ho0ver' is a term that is widely misused and not a clinical term.

It is a victim statement.  

Being sucked back into a relationship against your will, is the origination.

It is imperative to everyone's healing here that they realize they are not victims, and that they have the power (and always have) to decline unhealthy encounters/relationships.

Charmed is a more appropriate term.  The appeal of someone with BPD can have it's charm.  Realizing that it is what it is, being charmed has a bunch of connotations that need to be addressed specifically - situation by situation.

What is it that charmed you back into the relationship knowing that the definition of charm is: a quality that causes someone or something to be very likeable : an attractive quality?

There are attractive qualities of pwBPD.  The key is to figure out what you were attracted to, and to understand if that was a healthy attraction, taking responsibility for changing this for the future.

[Skip]

I have had 3 solid BPD girlfriends, and one that has some traits. I know I wouldn't question some of their behavior at the beginning because I was... . somehow naive.

Al, having dated 4 highly emotionally immature women is more a statement about you than them.  And we don't say this to judge you - you are not alone - but it is to say that its time to turn the spotlight on reality and Face the Facts.  The answer is a little deeper than "somehow naive".  

Did you BPD ex attempted an "Hover" on you after they found a new replacement? If yes, what was the "excuse" to touch base?

bpdfamily is a healing and recovery site.  We ask the members not to bring Internet lore (e.g., hoovering), or broadly bash, blame or stereotype people... . any group of people.

Facing the Facts is about learning the psychology of these disorders and psychology behind our own life decisions so that we can make better decisions going forward.  

Is this something you are ready to do, now?   Or do you need to find another place to blow off steam for a while and come back at it later?