Walking on Eggshells

[NyGirl8]

My eggshell book came yesterday.  My head is spinning with information.  But, it did help me to not engage him when he dropped the kids off.  He is trying so, so hard to be the most accommodating, nice, perfect man and father... . it usually instigates me to engage him to see if it is true or to tell him to cut the hit and save it for the people he has fooled.  I did neither, just kept reading... .

About three weeks since he left.  The anger is starting to leave me and this is usually when I get soft and seek to engage and/or obsess about what he is doing.  Hoping my book and this site help! 

[fromheeltoheal]

My eggshell book came yesterday.  My head is spinning with information.  But, it did help me to not engage him when he dropped the kids off.  He is trying so, so hard to be the most accommodating, nice, perfect man and father... . it usually instigates me to engage him to see if it is true or to tell him to cut the  and save it for the people he has fooled.  I did neither, just kept reading... .

About three weeks since he left.  The anger is starting to leave me and this is usually when I get soft and seek to engage and/or obsess about what he is doing.  Hoping my book and this site help! 

They will.  When I was lost in the fog and under the spell of a master manipulator I felt powerless and lost.  This site and all of the available literature were the voices of sanity, and gave me all the power I needed to break free and heal.  That book is full of aha moments, and that along with this group therapy, internet style can be your grounding until you get your own back.  Take care of you!

[NyGirl8]

Thanks heeltoheal... . this is the first and hopefully last break where I have had a BPD/NPD undiagnosed diagnosis:). My last T said he was an alcoholic.  If he just quit drinking... . all would be fine.  Even when I searched for reasons of how I stayed so long, she blamed it all on the drinking... .

New T, NPD/BPD discussed and now this site... . hoping I make it this time.  Hoping the white knuckles turn into true strength... .

Thanks again, hearing from people like you who have walked the long road out of the fog... . well,it helps more than I probably can put into words!

[fromheeltoheal]

You're welcome.  Mine was undiagnosed too, but the label doesn't really matter; I was in a relationship that was abusive as hell with a highly manipulative, unstable partner, and I was going insane, that's all I needed to know.  And then I got here and read post after post that I could have written, they were so accurate and exactly what I'd been through, and the lights came on.  What a relief!  I'm not alone, I'm not crazy, and these people understand.

Alcoholism doesn't look like this, as I'm sure you're aware.  Mine didn't drink much but when she did she got mellow and friendly, I actually liked it, but that was a solution for her, not the problem.

[NyGirl8]

Pretty much what my new T said... . he said I don't know if he is or isn't an alcoholic, but, I do know he has some type of PD.  And he validated my feelings of needing help because I must certainely need some work if I was willing to stay in this craziness for 10+ years... . AND must admit to still loving him.  To this day I love him... . and I wish I didn't... .

But, on a positive note, I have made the decision to love myself first, before loving him... . and it feels strange and unatural... . but, I know its the way to be going... .

How long have you been apart from your ex?

[fromheeltoheal]

Pretty much what my new T said... . he said I don't know if he is or isn't an alcoholic, but, I do know he has some type of PD.  And he validated my feelings of needing help because I must certainely need some work if I was willing to stay in this craziness for 10+ years... . AND must admit to still loving him.  To this day I love him... . and I wish I didn't... .

I love that beautiful girl buried inside her, but really grew to hate all the garbage on top.  At this point I see her as a sick person and not a bad one, I can't fix it, I have compassion for her, and I don't ever want to see her again.

But, on a positive note, I have made the decision to love myself first, before loving him... . and it feels strange and unatural... . but, I know its the way to be going... .

Good for you!  That's what we have to do, since we're the only ones who are going to take care of us, and the growth and maturity that came out of the pain has been profound, the gift of the relationship.

How long have you been apart from your ex?

About a year and a half.  It's been a painful, fruitful journey, and I now feel happier, more content and much more mature than I did before I met her; there's some hope for you.  Take care of you!

[Turkish]

My eggshell book came yesterday.  My head is spinning with information.  But, it did help me to not engage him when he dropped the kids off.  He is trying so, so hard to be the most accommodating, nice, perfect man and father... . it usually instigates me to engage him to see if it is true or to tell him to cut the  and save it for the people he has fooled.  I did neither, just kept reading... .

I hear you! But you showed strength, class and an enourmous amount of fortitude and self discipline to not let the hurt spew forth... . that would make you like him.

Similar to the alienation, its in our best interest to keep our Exes emotionally stable... . for our children's sake. Its no longer our job to care take them, but we can certainly keep from triggering them.

[knotknewbie]

NY GIRL:

I LOVED that book.  It's what opened my eyes up to the subtle but terrible emotional abuse I had been enduring and led me here.  Whether or not your ex is an alcoholic as well as BPD, I lovingly suggest checking out an Al-Anon meeting.  It's a really nice, safe place for those of us who tend to find ourselves mixed up with people who are crazy or who need "fixing."  It is slowly helping me break free of my addiction to sick people and to DRAMA.

Take care of YOU   

Knotknewbie