Tell me again why not to make contact?

[buddy1226]

I've got to make this fast. I've got work due but I'm pissed the f!ck off... Maybe it's too much coffee this morning, I don't know. This evil b!tch has false CDV charges hanging over me right now. She admittedly called the cops for no reason and she had bruises that I have no idea where they came from and she let the cops think I did them. They were on her arms. They were there a lot. Her co workers told me they thought she was into rough sex before we even went out because she always came in with bruises. I was in her office recently (she no longer works there) and they reiterated that. Then she just left. After begging me to forgive her for calling the cops and getting us into this mess and like a fool I did. Two weeks later I came home to an empty house.

Not just that but she is going on with life as if she hasn't a care in the world. Looking for my replacement, if she has not found him already. I did everything for her. Cleaned up her messes like you would not believe, and there were a lot of messes. A new one every day it seemed. Took her crap on top of all that and it was taking her abusive behavior every single day. I paid out the ass for her. She couldn't hold on to a dollar and I took care of her. not just financially but emotionally as well. She drank and took pills every day of her life. I babied her because I knew she had a bad childhood. Her mother is nuts and fully diagnosed with all types of mental illness.

I'm just mad. Mad that I have ti live like this, missing her. In the past we have always made up by now. She has gone too far with her family and everyone else to come back now and I know she wants to but can't. She would do it differently if she had it to do over and I as trying to reason with her when she did all this stuff. It was like talking to a brick wall. She  had her ex fanning the flames and triangulated the hell out of the relationship. And no, they don't sleep together. In his heart he hates her too. He just has to tolerate her because they have s kid and of course he wanted me out. That way he can come and go as he pleases and watch after herwith the kid. in other words, enable her and keep her sick.

Okay, I feel a little better. just needed to vent. Feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

Buddy

[Aussie0zborn]

Tell you again why not to make contact? Hmm Let's start with the short version... .

1. You will repeat the cycle and it gets worse each time. The more sh!t you accept, the more she will sh!t on you because in her mind you have proven that you are a dumb schmuck and this is somehow a good enough reason to abuse you further as  some perverse form of punishment.

2. Your life will not be moving forward... . it will be sinking into a deep dark hole.

3. Any contact will take you back to square one. They love that. They need to control you.

4. It's your life and you can choose to live it free from abuse.

If in doubt read though the forum and note the recurring themes. What good ever came out of breaking "No Contact"?

[Conundrum]

When you've been abused, disrespected and manipulated contact will be perceived (regardless the character of the contact) as chasing, i.e., desperate, weak and needy. Let her go, instead of clinging. Ask yourself why you cannot accept independence--a severing. We cannot possess or control others despite our strong emotions. You cognitively understand the illness she has. It's necessary (for your well being) to internalize that knowledge in order to avoid being further harmed by unrealistic hopes/illusions. I understand that you're suffering, but all of us here know that the path to healing travels down one road--detachment and acceptance.

[seeking balance]

This evil b!tch has false CDV charges hanging over me right now.

This is why you do not contact her - you will make the problem worse.

Use your anger productively, go workout when you have some time - it helps. 

Good job venting here - safe anger outlet.

Peace,

SB

[ogopogodude]

I think of a BPD-afflicted person as a door-to-door vacuum salesman.

Once you open the door just a smidgeon to allow a conversation (even though YOU are being nice and good intentions & all), ... . their big toe in the door all of a sudden becomes an unwanted creature inside your house that will not leave... .