Ever notice how people with BPD file false allegations against others?

[ynguns2]

I had gone through a lot the last year and still recovering from the wounds left from my ex with BPD.

I was wrongfully accused by her and she had filed a restraining order on me in Sept, 2013 and said I had threatened her which I never ever did at all. The judge granted her a retraining order because she had said that I had called her names and to me this is slander and liable especially when she had no facts.

I was advised by my cousin who is an attorney to file a restraining order on her as well because she had endangered my life when she left me all alone in Pittsburgh after she had drove me there and got in her manic state because of a traffic jam.

I filed the order which I was totally against but I found it very much a benefit when i had gone to court with the exBPD girlfriend. The judge was immediately taken in by what i had to say and she really was upset with my ex and stated she would be upset too and probably also would have used swear words if her boyfriend left her in a City 400 miles away.

The r/o was thrown out and I agreed to throw mine out as well but we have a no-contact order till Mar, 21 2014 and I to this day am left in total shock why she would do such a terrible thing to me considering she was the one to call me back after she cheated on me and I was dumb enough to take her back.

The lesson here I learned was that these people are crazy and they act on impulse and not with her head. I am left in the rubble of disbelief that someone could be so rude and evil.

Has anyone ever had gone through this before? and if so how did you handle this emotional trauma?


JIm

[mywifecrazy]

I've read a lot of stories just like yours on here.

My uBPDxw never OFFICIALLY filed anything against me (YET!) but she has made wild accusations against me to friends, family members, neighbors and GOD only knows the things I haven't heard about.

To portray herself as a victim in need of being rescued to garner sympathy with friends and family and to get men to screw her she has accused me of the following:

I beat on her physically, I raped her, I beat on my kids, I was a slave driver and made her scrub the floors on her hands and knees, I told her she was ugly, etc, etc, etc. It's so laughable and PATHETIC but it pisses me off because the people she's telling have no idea that she's a BPD Drama Queen!  I'm still surprised that the authorities haven't come knocking on my door yet.

Hang in there Brother!

[love2give]

Last year my ex wife was following me around town in her car.  I stop to ask her what the heck she wanted (her windows were closed and she was holding her phone up on the dash).  She never answered my question.

I finally drove to my sisters where she also followed.  At this point I yelled at her to leave me alone.

Two days later, I get arrested and cuffed at my work place of 18 years in front of clients and co-workers and brought to a jail  cell for uttering death threats.  I totally broke down.  I am one who hates breaking rules and have NEVER had a charge against me.

What kept me going was my then girlfriend.  Lost her as well now.  I tell you its been three years of hell over all.  I go to court next week for the charge of uttering death threats which I never did.

I pray to God I get a judge that can see right through her because in my three year custody battle they seem to fall for her sad face.  

Life has been rough.  I didn't think I would make it this far but some how I am still standing.  Losing my girlfriend whom I loved so much has just ruined me but I shall fight on.

[ynguns2]

I think it's bad enough to say bad things to a person but when these people take it upon themselves and the legal system it's just plane wrong.

I remember when I first started dating her she would always tell me how cold hearted her ex was and how cheap he was. As I got further in the relationship she would say things to me like " why? don't you buy me a coach purse or put gas in my car? and the truly sick thing is she had said this after she admitted cheating on me and came crawling back in August 2013.

I am still in PTSD from her and I do love my new girlfriend but the wounds are so deep from my ex that I am almost scared of woman as sad as it may sound.


Jim

[Tausk]

The lesson here I learned was that these people are crazy and they act on impulse and not with her head. I am left in the rubble of disbelief that someone could be so rude and evil.

Has anyone ever had gone through this before? and if so how did you handle this emotional trauma?

JIm

Hi YG.  I'm sorry you're going through all of this.  It's good that you did what you needed to do and go the RO lifted.  Is there any reason for you to have contact with you ex after this?   Do you have children together?

And yes, the RO and the smear campaign is a common response to a break up for a pwBPD.  They don't really have the capacity to think in mixtures, only pure good or pure evil.  That type of splitting is what brings the charges and the smear campaign.  It's part of the Disorder.   A pwBPD has limited capacities to conceptualize what happened in the r/s and the break up. Therefore it must be because you are evil.  They don't have the ability to take responsibility for their half of the street, so all they can do to no go completely insane is to honestly believe you are evil.

As far the lesson that you claimed you learned on here that they are evil... . Some people on the board will classify it that way, but what lessons you take away are your choice.  But in my opinion those are also the people who are usually stuck in anger and resentment, and haven't moved forward.  It's a dangerous state to be in, because if my ex is evil, then I don't have any responsibility in the destruction.

And the basic fact is that I should have never even gotten involved, let alone let it get to where it did.  My ex didn't do it to be evil.  She did it because she has a Disorder, and I wasn't man enough to leave.

And if she is evil, I also have to deal with why did I fall in love with a person who was evil.  

There's not evil in my ex, when I'm looking at the fact that my childhood was a mess.  There nothing evil in my ex, when I think about my self esteem issues.  There's nothing evil in my ex, just because I'm lonely.  There's not evil in my ex when I'm too scared to live life and look in the mirror. There's no evil in my ex, when I'm caught in obsessive ruminating thoughts... . she's long gone.

There's only evil in my ex, when I'm filled with fear and self loathing and would rather stay in that place rather than try and take responsibility.

It helped me to depersonalize.  If I think that she was evil and rude to me... . then it's personal to me.  But my ex has a Disorder that take away most decision making executive function.   She's simply responding to a totally f'ed up survival system.

That's just my opinion.  Others will state differently.

But that also means that I don't ever ever let my ex get away with any of the BS that I permitted for four years.  That I keep away and don't interact.  And I get healthy on my own.  

I learned that the answers and relief of my pain wasn't in what my ex did or does, but rather how I'm looking at myself and really taking care of myself. 

[ynguns2]

Hi Tausk I am also glad that the order was lifted and I do not have any kids with her which is good in my opinion.

I have never been through so much hurt and pain in my whole life as I was with her. Everything I did was wrong to her and every vacation we went on she got upset about such trivial things such as me asking a guy to please move his car up or my hand being on her leg in the car who does this?

I was slapped in the face a year ago after I took her out to dinner on Feb 24th 2013 because she was upset because her friend took a job that she rejected and I told her that she passed up the chance to get away from working with her ex and had nobody to blame but herself then boom slapped me after I was being nice and telling her the truth.

I had enough of her telling me about all the guys she had slept with and how her ex was a doctor and he was so rich. This guy was a short ugly yoda looking guy and she in fact was nothing special either and I am not shallow but I could do a lot better and have before and now.

I felt like I needed to help her in way and after numerous attempts I failed. My therapist said she sees in black and white only and any good deed I did was overlooked. She always was broke and made 85k a year and demanded a 2 carat ring from me or she was leaving.

This constant recycling with her has made my perception fuzzy and unclear. There are often times I wake up in the morning in a cold sweat and think about how stupid I was to stay with her and how she had ruined my life.

I had met her on Match.com and I should have seen the red flags at first but I thought she was just under stress from her life. I am slowly healing but a part of me fantasizes still on what could have been and I had no closure it was so sudden and I am left with vague thoughts and what ifs.

[ynguns2]

Love2give make sure you don't say anything in court to make matters worse off. If you don't have an attorney then seek a public defender. The worst thing that will come out will be a r/o and maybe that is the best. As for me I am lucky to have family members who are attorneys and my therapist wrote a nice letter of reference explaining that I had been seeing him for over a year and mainly due to the relationship which he wrote also I was doing my best to try and save this horrible relationship but just could not do so. You will be fine send me a message after the court date.

[redbaron5]

Did I ever notice how they file false allegations? Yes, I noticed when it happened.  Mine moved away to a ski town in Colorado after I found out about all the infidelity, it was an ugly break up because she was extremely financially dependent on me when I found out about the betrayal, so I felt extra "used." I let her know exactly how i felt and lost my "cool" a few times.   Fast forward 11 months of no contact and I am in that town with a friend of mine skiing(precarious I know but I had no interest in seeing, or talking to the X, and was not there to see her) At a party I guess someone who knew both her and I saw me and let her know I was in town. I start getting the text messages. She thinks I am camping outside her house with binoculars. I ignore the calls. She keeps blowing up my phone calling me out on "stalking" her. I break down and simply reply that I am not in town to see her, I do not want to talk to her, and to please leave me alone. Then the replacement starts calling and texting me. He is telling me I am not welcome in town and that my exBPD gf is scared for her life and he wants me to leave.  (My exBPD has obviously manipulated him into thinking I was an abusive ex, just like she told me about her exBF of 5 years that I replaced.) I had never heard from or spoken to the replacement before, I politely tell him I am not in town to see my EX(his current). He does not believe me. At this point i feel its best to ignore everyone and go about my business so I do. 2 days of skiing later and No contact I am walking to my car and my EXBPDgf pulls up and jumps out, I hadn't seen her in a year and my heart stopped.  "What the hit are you doing?" I hear in the most shrieking, accusatory voice ever.  I walked away without saying a word, got in my car and left.   Later that night i'm getting gas and actually getting ready to drive home and she pulls up at the gas station I am at. Again she is yelling at me and accusing me of stalking her. She is wailing her arms in my face and saying all sorts of terrible things. When she was pointing her finger right in my face I gently deflected her hand away from my "personal space"  She instantly claimed I "hit her" and called the police right in-front of me.  I did the only thing I could and went inside and explained to the clerk what was going on, I also wanted to be in sight of the cameras.  MyexBPDgf is walking in and out and yelling at me, I am keeping my cool with the clerk and he seems to understand what is happening. Anyway the cops come and one comes in and gets my side of the story. He is telling me that my exBPDgf has claimed that I hit her and tried to grab her. and that I have been harassing her and am In town stalking her.  I showed them my cell phone and call logs, 40+ denied calls from the exBPDGF and NO outgoing calls from me. a bunch of accusatory text from her, and just my two rational replies in response. I explained she had a history of mental illness and everything that was coming out of her mouth was fictitious at best. Finally the clerk speaks up and says there is video from outside too.  the cops roll the reel and see her pull up and start yelling at me, they see me "deflect" her hand away from me gently and instantly know she is full of hit. The police apologized to me for this incident, and for dealing with her for 3 years. One cop said he was aware she was "trouble", an ex drug addict, and "the town bhit."   Still they recommended I go home, so I did. I walked outside the store and walked to my car, all the while my ExBPDgf was screaming ":)ouchebag!" at me while my replacement watching and nodding in approval. I felt like I wanted to die. I didn't even look at her. This is the women that claimed she loved me for years while she was bleeding me dry emotionally and financially, and betrayed me in the worst way possible.   I finally got home, when I did I contacted her exBF of 5 years, you know, the one she claimed beat him and abused her?  yea, perfectly normal nice guy. He shared a dozen eairly similar stories with me. He and I have become good friends since.  It's scray, it's downright scary.

[ynguns2]

Yes RedBaron5 these emotional vampires are horrible people. The fact that people like this is enough to believe that there is a heaven and hell (  ).

It was so obvious that we were not ood for each other but a part of me kept wanting to make this work and trust me I tried really hard but after failing time and time again I fell into her trap and ruined my life in the process.

I am recovering but its slow and I have met a wonderful woman and now I am having my first child at 36. I still am scared because I dont want to get hurt.

Has anyone on here heard from an ex after a no contact order?

[ShadowDancer]

The lesson here I learned was that these people are crazy and they act on impulse and not with her head. I am left in the rubble of disbelief that someone could be so rude and evil.

Has anyone ever had gone through this before? and if so how did you handle this emotional trauma?

JIm

As far the lesson that you claimed you learned on here that they are evil... . Some people on the board will classify it that way, but what lessons you take away are your choice.  But in my opinion those are also the people who are usually stuck in anger and resentment, and haven't moved forward.  It's a dangerous state to be in, because if my ex is evil, then I don't have any responsibility in the destruction.  

Huh?

Evil;

Wicked, Bad, Wrong, Immoral, Sinful, Vile, Foul, Dishonorable, Corrupt, Depraved, Reprobate, Villainous, Nefarious, Vicious, Malicious

Mental illness caused or not, I am of the opinion as a result of observation that there IS evil in the world. If you are cognizant enough to realize this, and if that knowledge and wisdom protects and shields you from further victimization from evil doers, than more power to you.

I am responsible for my own acts only.

Evil is as evil does.  

[swimjim]

Hi ynguns2. I went through the same experience that you did. My ex demanded a ring after 5 months of dating. Then she constantly kept pressuring me every other week about not having a ring. When she split me black, she started a smear campaign against me with my ex friend, then seduced him. I frieked and then bought her the ring she always wanted in order to win her back from my creepy ex buddy who is an alcoholic. The next thing she did was unthinkable. She called the police and had them call me to tell me to leave her alone. I did what they told me to do. She would not leave it at that. I remained no contact but she wanted to twist the knife more. A week later, I am served with a restraining order. Mone was also thrown out 3 months later but not without her few attempts at trying to get me to violate the temporary order before it reached the hearing.  How eveil is that? I had a papertrail to prove she lied under oath during the hearing. They don't get punished for perjury in these situations. It makes you wonder why you have to raise your right hand and swear to tell the truth. Many of these borderlines that file protective orders will accuse you of threatening them with a firearm even though you don't even own one. Mine accused me of hitting her. Although we both have our good names back, we are still feeling tarnished. How could they do this to us when they wanted a ring from us? I struggle every day with the whole experience with the restraining order. I feel your pain. Look up Dr. T (Tara) on the website shrink4rmen. She has articles about false restraining orders filed by borderlines. She emphasizes that anyone who threatens to call the police or file a restraining oder is a DEALBREAKER and to run for the hills. It is too late for you and me. We did not see it coming.  

[Happy1]

I've had several BPD girlfriends  and high conflict people that I've had to deal with. Their accusations have landed me in court, one wanted me kicked out of grad school, and the last one wants to make my life miserable if possible.

The first one said I attacked her in her own apartment. The truth was the opposite. I did eventually hit her, but only to get her off of my back where she was hitting me repeatedly in the head with a frying pan (kind of funny when I think about it now). I hit her in the stomach, not hard, but then also pushed her away from me when I spun her around to get her off my back (she was hanging on with a choke hold around my neck with one arm, while hitting me with the frying pan with the other hand).

The other one reconnected with an old beau only to claim to the most angered lesbian professor after she did this and we were apparently broken up (I never did get closer just a mean angry woman, splitting me black, out for my reputation and trying to eliminate me from her sphere) that I was stalking her. Luckily for me, where I worked at the school, my boss stood up for me saying, "He never leaves his desk as this woman claims and asserts, because if he did, he'd be walking right past my desk."

I got convicted on the first case of disturbing the peace. We went to court and everything, but when she saw I had another of her old boyfriends subpoena'ed she promptly left the court room and told the prosecutor that she was refusing to testify. So the initial charge for assault was reduced to disturbing the peace (I'm still bitter about that outcome since I was not the aggressor, etc.).

The second one continued her silent hate parade toward me, but finally left school not completing her graduate degree. Meanwhile, the lesbian professor made my getting through the program hell for the rest of my degree.

How have these prior experiences helped me today? Well, I also now have this wacko neighbor lady (likely suffering from BPD) who claims I trespassed on her property when I cut down my own trees in my own yard (which shaded the back of her house) several years ago. I mean since they're your own (dead and dying) trees you shouldn't really have to consult your neighbor about what you're going to do on your own property, right? At least that's what I thought. Apparently for her, this was a huge transgression. Since then this woman has done all kinds of small time property damage and antagonizing things (flips me the bird constantly, throws dog poop in my yard from her yard, etc.) directed toward me, directly or indirectly. At first I tried ignoring her, but she kept racketing things up to get my ire. So now, on the advice of my attorney and counsellor, I call the cops on her (set boundaries) every time. She absolutely hates this! Meanwhile, if she sees I'm out in my yard and nobody else is around, she'll sling a bunch of epithets my direction. I just smile, not saying a word ever to her, as my security system now records it all for the police to view.

The moral of the story. These people are cunning and can be very convincing to the police and other authorities. Try to make sure you have witnesses or at least are in a public place. Don't react in anyway and as both my lawyer and counsellor have suggested in the case of the neighbor woman, protect yourself!

[swimjim]

Too bad the judge does not order the BPD (who wanted the restraining order) to pay at least 50% of the attorney fees we get stuck with. That may reduce false allegations in the future and make them think twice before deciding to abuse the legal system.

[swimjim]

Ynguns2, Don't even think of contacting her in any way. They will call the police. Think of a 3 year old that runs to mommy and daddy becuase you hurt her feelings. A borderline goes to the police instead of running to mommy and daddy. They go to the courts. The terms "stalking" and "harrassment" are modern day terms usually utilized in exaggerated situations. Very dangerous. 

[Tess Russell]

I really appreciate how well you expressed your opinion regarding BPs not being evil. I keep trying to love my BPDdil and acknowledge all I have learned from her and my family's situation since she orchestrated separating my step-son from his father and me. It is her disorder that created much of this, and if I can't acknowledge where I am stuck, weak, insecure, selfish, unkind, unloving, then I can't continue to grow myself. She has her life to live and to grow from and so do I. I don't wish her harm or unhappiness. I wish good mental health for her and the ability to be open to owning her own limitations. It's so hard to not take things personally, but it sure makes everyday life so much less painful!

The lesson here I learned was that these people are crazy and they act on impulse and not with her head. I am left in the rubble of disbelief that someone could be so rude and evil.

Has anyone ever had gone through this before? and if so how did you handle this emotional trauma?

JIm

Hi YG.  I'm sorry you're going through all of this.  It's good that you did what you needed to do and go the RO lifted.  Is there any reason for you to have contact with you ex after this?   Do you have children together?

And yes, the RO and the smear campaign is a common response to a break up for a pwBPD.  They don't really have the capacity to think in mixtures, only pure good or pure evil.  That type of splitting is what brings the charges and the smear campaign.  It's part of the Disorder.   A pwBPD has limited capacities to conceptualize what happened in the r/s and the break up. Therefore it must be because you are evil.  They don't have the ability to take responsibility for their half of the street, so all they can do to no go completely insane is to honestly believe you are evil.

As far the lesson that you claimed you learned on here that they are evil... . Some people on the board will classify it that way, but what lessons you take away are your choice.  But in my opinion those are also the people who are usually stuck in anger and resentment, and haven't moved forward.  It's a dangerous state to be in, because if my ex is evil, then I don't have any responsibility in the destruction.

And the basic fact is that I should have never even gotten involved, let alone let it get to where it did.  My ex didn't do it to be evil.  She did it because she has a Disorder, and I wasn't man enough to leave.

And if she is evil, I also have to deal with why did I fall in love with a person who was evil.  

There's not evil in my ex, when I'm looking at the fact that my childhood was a mess.  There nothing evil in my ex, when I think about my self esteem issues.  There's nothing evil in my ex, just because I'm lonely.  There's not evil in my ex when I'm too scared to live life and look in the mirror. There's no evil in my ex, when I'm caught in obsessive ruminating thoughts... . she's long gone.

There's only evil in my ex, when I'm filled with fear and self loathing and would rather stay in that place rather than try and take responsibility.

It helped me to depersonalize.  If I think that she was evil and rude to me... . then it's personal to me.  But my ex has a Disorder that take away most decision making executive function.   She's simply responding to a totally f'ed up survival system.

That's just my opinion.  Others will state differently.

But that also means that I don't ever ever let my ex get away with any of the BS that I permitted for four years.  That I keep away and don't interact.  And I get healthy on my own.  

I learned that the answers and relief of my pain wasn't in what my ex did or does, but rather how I'm looking at myself and really taking care of myself. 

[swimjim]

Okay, I can understand that evil is an unfair label to associate with a BPD. I can also understand that we have to take responsibility for our own involvement in adding to the demise of our relationship with our exBPDgf. I also acknowledge that we must focus on ourselves to better improve our future relationships and make sure that we do all we can to find a healthy and loving relationship in the future. I sympathize with the fact they have an illness. However, a lot of us did not realize we were in a relationship with a borderline until after all the damage was done. Many borderlines are high functioning and act fairly normal to outside people. When they hide behind their mask, we are being "fattened for slaughter" during the idealization (honeymoon) phase. Okay, let's not call them evil, however, if they don't recognise they are disordered and won't go to therapy and will constantly be able to freely roam through life causing destruction after destruction, it is very difficult NOT TO HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE for their actions when some of us spend thousands in legal fees and therapy costs. Sure, it is our fault that we got involved with a BPD to begin with and we need to take responsibility for that. I think it is human nature to hold some anger against someone who has caused damage and won't take responsibility or show empathy. There are many who would believe, "oh it is not their fault, they are ill".

[Tausk]

Okay, I can understand that evil is an unfair label to associate with a BPD. I can also understand that we have to take responsibility for our own involvement in adding to the demise of our relationship with our exBPDgf. I also acknowledge that we must focus on ourselves to better improve our future relationships and make sure that we do all we can to find a healthy and loving relationship in the future. I sympathize with the fact they have an illness. However, a lot of us did not realize we were in a relationship with a borderline until after all the damage was done. Many borderlines are high functioning and act fairly normal to outside people. When they hide behind their mask, we are being "fattened for slaughter" during the idealization (honeymoon) phase. Okay, let's not call them evil, however, if they don't recognise they are disordered and won't go to therapy and will constantly be able to freely roam through life causing destruction after destruction, it is very difficult NOT TO HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE for their actions when some of us spend thousands in legal fees and therapy costs. Sure, it is our fault that we got involved with a BPD to begin with and we need to take responsibility for that. I think it is human nature to hold some anger against someone who has caused damage and won't take responsibility or show empathy. There are many who would believe, "oh it is not their fault, they are ill".

There is nothing in what I wrote about not holding my ex accountable.  I left, I'll never interact with her again.  I'll never give her the opportunity to share in my life.   Half the the destruction was her fault, half was mine.  I can't make her do anything.  And again, it's not an excuse, it's not support of the disorder, it's not enablement.  It's detachment and depersonalization.  It's seeing in the mixture of the good and bad.  It's seeing the reality of the Disorder.   It's not splitting like my ex does.  

But again, I hold her responsible.  And until she takes responsibility (which I've accepted as never) I will not interact with her in any way.  And that forces me to accept that I will never interact with her again.  

I know she thinks I'm evil.  But that's because she's Disordered and can't take responsibility.  When I split and can't see the mixture of the good and bad, and can only see her as evil, then I'm hiding from the work that I need to do for myself.  Just because a person cheat, lies, steals from me, doesn't make her evil.  She doesn't do it to other people.  She doesn't like torturing small animals.  She doesn't like inflicting pain. She has BPD, which is shame based.  And shame based actions are different.  Just because it happened to me, doesn't make it evil.  

And I also know that she knew that her actions were wrong but did them anyways.  That doesn't make her evil.  That makes her weak and disordered.  One of the key features of the disorder is lack of freedom of choice, especially under pressure.   And when I don't want to accept that my ex can't make choices I have to think about myself.

I know that having malignant hope that my ex will get better is cancerous.  I know that I shouldn't blame her for my shortcoming that came from my FOO.  I know that I should just move on and forget.  I know I shouldn't expect closure.  I know that I should dig deep into my FOO issues right away and deal with my shame.  I know that I should focus on anything other them my ex.  I know I should not stalk her, or google her, or call her, or wonder how her marriage is going,   I know that I should not listen to the tyrannical "shoulds" in the Punitive Parent in me.  And I knew that I should have backed out of the interaction years before I did.

I know all of the above.  Yet, I'm not able to change who I am overnight.  Yet, I expect someone who is Disordered to do it.  And when they can't I label them as evil.  So if my ex is evil because she can't change, and can't do the things that she knows she should do.  What am I when I can't do the things that I KNOW I should do?  Am I evil?  Am I a loser?  Am I pathetic? What label should I put on myself for not obeying the shoulds.   And that is part of the issue.  I have been labeling and judging myself by the shoulds for so long, that I of course was vulnerable to being mirrored by my narcissistic false ego of good.  

So when I'm painting her as evil, it's because I have of so much self pity and self loathing that I take that position.  And I have.  I texted her, and said that she was an evil cheating sociopath.  She was supposed to have me blocked, and we never once texted to each other when we were together.  But I shouldn't have done it.  It was therapy for me. But it got me a police complaint... . they wouldn't give her an RO.

If she were NPD, then I'd say evil might be almost accurate.  NPD's are the sadists.  Bpd are the masochists.  But BPD's evil?

People who abduct 10 year old girls and force them into prostitution are evil.  People who like to torture baby animals are evil.  How about a used car dealer who cheat old ladies, are they evil?  

But for me, how can I call someone, who never once forced me to do anything or accept anything that I didn't agree to, evil?      But that's me.   Everyone's interaction with a pwBPD is unique.  

But I know for a fact, that when I was splitting and painting my ex as evil, it set my recovery back.  It did not permit me to depersonalize.  It did not allow me to accept responsibility.  It did not allow me to grief and move toward acceptance because I stuck in misdirected anger and self pity.    My model for recovery is to follow those who seem to have gotten recovery.  And what is emphasized is depersonalization of the Disorder.  Not excusing it, but not being so self centered that I believe the Disorder picked me out special.  

 But again, that's just me.