Like it didn't matter

[GlitterBug]

So this is baffling me (and hurting in equal measure)... .

I've lost my best friend who was more like a sister to me to BPD- she's cut me out and has claimed i said and done awful things during what I would consider a minor argument which escalated into a full BP rage.

She's told me to stay out of her life as she 'doesn't need spiteful people like me in it'.

I'm completely devastated and feeling completely alone (I've lost all associated friendships as a result and my social circle was pretty small anyway).

So she has blocked me from all social media except twitter (I think she forgot I was on there as I'm not an avid tweeter); so today I logged on and my twitter feed is full of her 'happy go lucky' tweets and funny comments ect.

It hurt so bad to see it because it's as if she had just carried on feeling absolutely fine after declaring the death of a 20yr friendship.

It feels like I've lost a limb and it's taking a lot to just be positive and upbeat at work, I don't understand who she can just carry on like nothing has happened.

She cut me out like I never mattered and now she's carrying on like I never even existed and our close relationship never existed either- how is her dismissive behaviour even possible? And how come I feel like total crap whilst she's laughing and joking?

[Tausk]

Ouch that sounds like it must hurt.  How do you know she has BPD.  Were you friends or more?

20 years?  Had it happened before.   Do you have support from other friends who know her and can validate your feelings?

Hang in there,

T

[lost tree]

So this is baffling me (and hurting in equal measure)... .

I've lost my best friend who was more like a sister to me to BPD- she's cut me out and has claimed i said and done awful things during what I would consider a minor argument which escalated into a full BP rage.

She's told me to stay out of her life as she 'doesn't need spiteful people like me in it'.

I'm completely devastated and feeling completely alone (I've lost all associated friendships as a result and my social circle was pretty small anyway).

So she has blocked me from all social media except twitter (I think she forgot I was on there as I'm not an avid tweeter); so today I logged on and my twitter feed is full of her 'happy go lucky' tweets and funny comments ect.

It hurt so bad to see it because it's as if she had just carried on feeling absolutely fine after declaring the death of a 20yr friendship.

It feels like I've lost a limb and it's taking a lot to just be positive and upbeat at work, I don't understand who she can just carry on like nothing has happened.

She cut me out like I never mattered and now she's carrying on like I never even existed and our close relationship never existed either- how is her dismissive behaviour even possible? And how come I feel like total crap whilst she's laughing and joking?

Same happened to me Glitterbug. I actually emailed my uBPDgf a letter because she wouldn't answer her phone or return my calls/texts. I reached out to her AND her parents who absolutely LOVED me and had high hopes I'd be their son in law. Its been 2 weeks and I've heard ZERO from her or the parents but she has gone on posting a few things on FB and Twitter like nothing happened. Heartless cold and calculated comes to mind. However after the horror stories I've read here maybe I'm lucky... .

[heartandwhole]

Oh Glitterbug,

I'm so sorry that happened, that really hurts.  My breakup was sudden, too, and I felt like I had been hit with a truck and run over.  Hang in there, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things do get better.  

Many people with BPD are dealing with a lot of core shame, so often he/she won't grieve a relationship loss like we do.  It's less painful to move on and distract oneself than to feel the pain, guilt, and shame that comes with a breakup.  It doesn't make sense to you, because you are letting yourself feel the pain of the loss.

Please remember that this behavior is not personal, it is a coping mechanism that happens with any close relationship. You are definitely not alone, so many of us have been utterly baffled by this kind of rapid moving on.  For me it's helpful to remember that this kind of action is a reflection of a maladaptive coping mechanism, due to a serious disorder, not some mean-spirited way to hurt me.

Do you have good support around you Glitter?  

[Ironmanrises]

When I was just friends with my exUBPDgf, as she started to get close to me, her behavior started to exhibit push/pull. That is when I experienced the first "pseudo-discard" and told me "Our friendship ends today." And proceeded to cut me out of all social media, while posting the fake happy go lucky postings, etc. It was literally a preview of what I would later experience in a relationship(2 rounds), of the absolute HELL of that. I didn't learn my lesson at that time. I didn't even know anything about BPD, etc. I just wondered why she had banished me so horrifically from her life. It is all a part of the destructive behavior of that disorder. And it hurts. Now I will witness her hurt someone else in the same fashion as I have been officially replaced.

[GlitterBug]

Hi guys, thank you for your replies and insight

We were always just friends and grew up to be very close, people would often refer to is as sisters and over the years we started to refer to ourselves as sisters- we shared every good and bad moment of our lives and she was my centre, someone who I would look to for support and she did the same.

I have one sibling who has severe special needs and communication between us is limited although I love her immensely, I could never have that close sisterly relationship with her so I think I sought it out in my friendships.

My social network was very small and centred mostly around my BP friend so as a result,I've lost all my friends because they fear getting involved and risking the same treatment and feel too awkward to uphold any sort of relationship with me. I've instigated contact with my other close friend twice but it's clear that she doesn't really want to engage in conversation with me, she'll send a couple of replies making small talk but that's it.

So no,I don't really feel like I have a support network at all, my mum has been fantastic but I live on my own away from her and I'm feeling really lonely and quite low at the moment- it kinda feels that my whole support network has been ripped away.

I've been through tough relationship breakups before but I've always had my best friends to turn to; the heartbreak this time almost feels worse and without my support network, it's feels so black.