Why is this so hard?

[day2day]

Down and Out... . please try to think of yourself as Down But Not Out.

It's self-torture to tabulate how many weeks, months, or years your ex spends with her new host. Think of it like you're a bull rider. Some cowboys last longer atop the bull than others, but eventually they all get tossed.

One simple factor may be that she hasn't had a chance to line up a replacement for your replacement. My BPD ex has been with my replacement for less than a year, compared to my six years, and already I've heard that she's been shamelessly shopping around and whining about him to her friends, yet she still strings him along.

Things to review: did you treat you wonderfully at first? If so, how could you go from gold to garbage in such a short time? Did you just wake up a creep one day? Is that the way a healthy, stable adult female reacts as they get to know someone? How did she end it? Was there any attempt at communication leading up to the end? Was there any compassion when it ended? Does an emotionally healthy woman typically abort a r/s out of nowhere and paint her man black, and then maybe white and then black a second or third time?

You need to think better of yourself, Down But Not Out. How can you blame yourself for being fooled and then blindsided by this type of sick, disordered, but cleverly effective person? Could you ever imagine that such a person could even exist?

I feel like crawling through the computer screen and coming over there through cyberspace and giving you an encouraging slap or two on the back!

There will come a day when you'll wake up and the thought of her will not faze you, other than with a sense of relief.

[DownandOut]

Dansure & day2day -

I appreciate your insight, and I totally agree with a lot that you said. First, dansure I've been thinking the same thing about my r/s. I've thought about whether or not I was actually happy in the r/s, and whether or not it would actually last. I don't think so. I feel like being in the FOG made me feel like everything would one day be perfect, that she was the woman for me, that we would live happily ever after. However, when I really think about it, she wasn't right for me I just loved the idea of this beautiful woman who adored me being my wife. She gave me every indication that she would be my wife, that everything I thought to be true was true. But obviously it was a lie. D2D, she treated me wonderfully at first, we b/u and got back together 2 more times. This last recycle she treated me like I was god, as if she realized after dating every tom, dick and harry that I was always the one (an idealized notion I had in my own head that was quickly validated when she came back to me with all these promises of forever). She would randomly text me throughout the day "Marry me" and things like that. The devaluing started when I first visited her in her hometown (where I used to live but she pushed me back home after our first and second go around). Her family loved me and thought the world of me, they thought we would be married. I feel like once I started getting closer to her and her family taht's when things started going downhill; however, I'm questioning that now since she has been with this new guy for double the amount of time our final go around lasted. I ended it when, after planning a romantic trip to Europe with her during which I would have likely proposed had it not been for her abuse, she treated me like a stranger the entire time we were on vacation. I literally felt as if I was traveling to all of some of the most romantic places in the world with a platonic friend. Not the same person I thought I was with. I took her to meet some of my family in Europe she was treated like a queen the entire time and I was treated like garbage. After that, I couldn't take it. I find out when I came home that she had been seeing someone else, at least emotionally, for a few weeks prior to our trip. No compassion. I tried throughout the entire trip to talk about our problems, and discuss them like adults. I was met with silence. She didn't put in any effort to strengthen the r/s. I left and haven't looked back. We made all these plans and they were simply forgotten as quickly as taking a different route on the highway. She changed course and I was left stranded. I wrote her a long letter explaining my decision and I was met with a defensive answer and absolutely no reason to fight any longer. But here I am, still struggling to forget this enchantress that put her spell on me.