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Author Topic: Glad I answered my phone for her today  (Read 558 times)
Soulslider

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years
Posts: 21



« on: March 06, 2014, 05:26:56 PM »

Hi there guys,

I've just joined recently, but been around this site for a good three/four years now, as long as my soul sacrifice of a relationship has started. you can read my intro here if interested. It's a compressed version, otherwise as we all know it, it would go on for many pages. 

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=220980.0

To get to the point, I broke off my 4 year relationship 3 weeks ago with dBPDgf. Her general condition drastically improved, we were in a long distance relationship,for half of the time but met up every few months for longer periods( sometimes months) and kept in constant contact over phone, viber... etc. I broke it off when I went to pick her up and bring her back with me. I live in the UK, she lives in Budapest, Hungary. Another trust breaking "who said what" scenario happened at a party, just after two days of being together. It was an all too familiar situation, which was followed by projecting, distorting, lying and more lying.

A few days ago she wrote to me saying " I know we're in no contact, but just to let you know, you destroyed my soul and heart, I guess what comes around... . " I think the FOG got the better of me, and today, I wrote to her. She replied straight away, " you love to make me cry" then composed herself and stated, "Just leave me alone, I've got to get over you". I felt terrible, as I thought she would be over me by now and made me think whether she has truly recovered and she's mourning the way I would do. (last time I broke up with her, I was shattered for four months until I got back with her)

On the way home from work I had a few missed calls as I was driving. I stopped for the last call as my phone kept going off. It was her. The reason why I'm glad I took her call, is because even though I was upset, I could clearly read between her words. She thought she phoned me at a weak moment and could take control with emotional indifference, projecting and acting all above it all. In a way she was. She has gotten over the two tough weeks, she was dissociated from her feelings (said she can't remember what she did for a week and a half) and now she's back in the game. It's so true how they can get over you in two weeks. The whole conversation was about shifting blame,(she's innocent like Virgin Mary all the time) and covering up the lies with more lies. I even told her that, listen if it makes it easier for you, you can believe that version. She said no no no that's not the case. I eventually cut the conversation short and said goodbye. She said that she wanted to her my voice for the last time. Just a few hours ago she texted farewell for good.

Instead of this phone call upsetting me, it actually calmed and reassured me, that I can see things so much more clearly. It was such an eye opener, especially, that I returned to this godsend site and all you lovely people, reading and finally writing as well. It's scary how she's convinced that she's cured, (4 months DBT+CBT) but deep down I think she's aware of her old antics.

I'm just glad I'm not part of it anymore. Take care everyone :-)

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Tausk
Formerly "Schroeder's Piano"
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Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 843


« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2014, 10:22:37 PM »

He SS:  Thanks for posting.  It sounded like you handled the interaction with style and grace. That's about all we can do at this point.  It must still hurt.  I don't think that I could have done what you did.  And it's clear that you care for her very much. 

I'm hoping that it provided you some closure.  It's unlikely that you'll get anything more.  Nothing in terms of an apology or acknowledgement of responsibility.  So what you got, was really pretty good. 

But yes, they move on.  Be prepared that the next time you have contact, you might be painted evil which will hurt, or you might be lured to try and recycle, which will hurt even more if you succumb.  Remember that emotional time for them travels at a much different pace than for us. 

Stay strong.  Learn about yourself.  Share on the board.

In support.

T

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Soulslider

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years
Posts: 21



« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2014, 04:36:32 AM »

Hi Tausk,

Thanks for your reply and encouragement. Yes it still hurts, one can't help but to remember the good times, which kind of erases or fades the memories of all the craziness in the relationship. It's so hard to come to terms with the reality of her condition as she can be "normal" for so long. Her phone call woke up all my supressed doubts and gut feelings about her. Reading and experiencing the physical side effects the stress the condition can cause to the "nons" is scary. Some people get cancer or other diseases from the emotional warfare and I myself got sick,(flu like symptoms, swollen glands, sore throat) when I had to face the problems arising from her behaviour.

We must stay strong Tausk, because at the end of the day, there are just too many risks with theses relationship and I only have one life! I want to give myself a chance for a change! :-)

Have a nice day and stay strong and positive Tausk! :-)
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