struggling with anger today.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

its been over 6 months since our break up. prior to that we had recyled for almost 3 years about every 6 to 8 weeks. The first part of the so called relationship the break ups and recycles was furtrhe apart but towards the end about every 3 weeks. I was really starting to feel better, had been NC for while then, I started opening some LC with her. about 8 days ago she started anotehr attempt at a recycle. She said she would like for us to be friends if it leads us getting back togther. with in 24 hours she percieved that I had text her a response that was accusing her lying, wasnt true and I recognized this to ber way of manufacturing a fight. I was very polite and expalined that i wasnt. She said ok maybe I misunderstood and she has been silent ever since. I dont think I really wanted back with her, I think I wanted to see if she had changed at all and I could see none. So I was prepared for it when it happened. BUt im still having a hard time getting past being angry with her, angry with her for not getting treament when she has admitted she knows something is wrong with her, angry at her for not just walking away, when it ended, IM angry with her because I feel like she is just playing a sick game. Ive tried everything i can to let go of be mad at her. I know she is sick so i tried to remind myself about that. Im so tempte dto send her a scathing tetx message and I have avoided is so far. what is the trick to getting over being angry? any solutions?

[mitchell16]

its been over 6 months since our break up. prior to that we had recyled for almost 3 years about every 6 to 8 weeks. The first part of the so called relationship the break ups and recycles was furtrhe apart but towards the end about every 3 weeks. I was really starting to feel better, had been NC for while then, I started opening some LC with her. about 8 days ago she started anotehr attempt at a recycle. She said she would like for us to be friends if it leads us getting back togther. with in 24 hours she percieved that I had text her a response that was accusing her lying, wasnt true and I recognized this to ber way of manufacturing a fight. I was very polite and expalined that i wasnt. She said ok maybe I misunderstood and she has been silent ever since. I dont think I really wanted back with her, I think I wanted to see if she had changed at all and I could see none. So I was prepared for it when it happened. BUt im still having a hard time getting past being angry with her, angry with her for not getting treament when she has admitted she knows something is wrong with her, angry at her for not just walking away, when it ended, IM angry with her because I feel like she is just playing a sick game. Ive tried everything i can to let go of be mad at her. I know she is sick so i tried to remind myself about that. Im so tempte dto send her a scathing tetx message and I have avoided is so far. what is the trick to getting over being angry? any solutions?

[nownotsure]

I had a similar situation with my ex uBPDgf over the past 4 months. At times I feel angry that she abused my trust and took advantage of it. After the breakup she tried to dangle the "maybe we could get back together" hook in front of me and it made me feel like telling her what I think of her. I realized that doing so would be pointless and only feed her ego. So I'm just staying NC until I reach the point where she can no longer trigger me. At that point I'll decide whether I ever want to hear from her again, but I have no intentions of getting back into a relationship with her.

I believe your anger, like mine, is just part of the grieving process and will pass in time. Best to acknowledge it and not act on it, as that would just set you back. It probably would be best if you put some time between the two of you before deciding whether you want to be friends or even get back together. I've been told that by giving yourself enough time away from the relationship to heal, you may end up seeing the relationship in a different light and may decide it's not want you want.

Hopefully in time you'll look back at the rollercoaster ride you were on and wonder why you hadn't gotten off sooner.

[heartandwhole]

Mitchell,

I think your feelings are really understandable.  It's so frustrating and hurtful to open up to someone after a breakup, only to feel him/her acting out again.  Anyone would be angry about that.

I think you are very wise to not act on your anger, though.  That will bring nothing, and will probably just cause more damage.  Just feel your anger and let it move through you.  There is nothing wrong with feeling anger – the more we judge ourselves for that, the more it gets stuck.  We don't want that.  Yes, she may have a serious disorder, and she deserves compassion.  What you feel matters, too, though.  It's important for your healing – let it rise and dissipate.

To help process the anger, you could do some vigorous exercise or write (by hand) a letter pouring everything out. 

Do you think the anger is covering up your hurt, especially since you started LC with her?  Be gentle with yourself.

[mitchell16]

heartandwhole, I dont think so. When we first broke up I was angry for a short while and relized then it was hurt. This time Im angry. I guess cause I had told her not being calling me, we exchange things  and had no reason for calls. We worked very clsoe together but really dont have a need to speak. we work in seperate building and she has no business in mine. so when she is in my building I know shes throwing out bait or probing. so i was NC for awhile. She woudl then sned a text asking how a I was. I opened up a little but never enegaged whole lot. just would answer her. But in the last month she had uped, more contact,  more calls and texts and wanting us to eat togther a few days. I did. My mistake. The day before she got mad and went NC. we had or she had a very heartfelt conversation which realy pulled me heart string to some degree. BUt i was still very skeptical of her since I had heard all taht stuff from her before only for her never follow thru. The next day were texting taht she started not me. she decided the get upset over nothing and havnet heard form her since. so it really makes me mad that someone would keep do this to someone they know still loved them very much. I admitt I still do Love her and miss her. I dont miss her crazy stuff. BUt of course I miss the connection we shared, etc... But if the roles were reverese and I had dumped her becasue I know longer wanted the relationship and I knew it cuase her pain and dangled hope in front of her. I would never do taht. I have left relationships in the past when I thought it was time to leave and the other person didnt want it to end. BUt I never contacted them again and if so it was years donw the road once we both had time to heal. Becuase I didnt want to give them false hope or hurt them anymore. But it like she just wanst to stick it in every chance she gets. I guess that why im so angry, what good coudl come out of doing people like that?