Thanks E for the very nice post. Everyone's interaction is different, every person is different, every ex is different, and every situation is different.
And the most important part IMO is simply what is the intention of my actions. If my actions are in anyway self centered, or meant to manipulate the Disorder, or based on malignant hope or denial about the Disorder, then my actions will result in destruction and continued loss of my "self".
But if my actions are based on compassion and caring and wanting to support another, then those actions are noble, worthy and ultimately positive to the development of my "self".
For me, I have to maintain NC. My ex betrayed and lied to me in such a manner that any contact would simply be a sign that her actions were acceptable. And I will not engage unless she is able to take a bit of responsibility for her actions. But I still care for her deeply. I wish her the best. I pretty much daily include her and her husband who cheated on me, in my prayers and pray for their well being.
But I know that NC is the greatest gift I can give her. She would triangulate me given the chance, but I will not participate.
Does that mean that if I saw her lying on the side of the road from a car accident I wouldn't help. Of course not. I'd call 911 and then run away as fast as I could
All kidding aside, it sounds like what you did was in the intend of support, consoling and compassion. And that is admirable. Congratulations on your ability to do so. It show that you have been doing the work on the self that can bring you to that point.
It shows growth and grace