|
restoredsight
|
 |
« on: March 10, 2014, 09:51:03 AM » |
|
I've been separated from my wife for about three weeks now. She didn't initiate contact with me in this time, and i didn't expect her to. I sent her a long email detailing my worries and feelings and she replied. During our last split she didn't talk to me at all.
I have no idea what her situation is exactly. She may be with someone else. I'm not digging because I don't want to know. She didn't reply to the majority of my email, but she expressed her resentment about how I switched jobs when she was pregnant, and how despite my efforts, we were having money trouble. The job had potential for more money, but it was less reliable. I tried to keep a dialogue open the whole time this was going on. She said she would work until she felt she couldn't, and she ended up working a double shift before she gave birth. She went back only 11 days later, with every assurance that she was fine. She resents me for it, and has since, and I had no idea.
Another thing is that she's never actually brought up a serious resentment towards me before.
I could really use some help in understanding the nuances here.
"Sorry I haven't replied earlier, but the power's been out. I appreciate you taking the time to email me. I feel like you're really pondering the situation here.
I feel like you and I don't communicate very well. That's half on me, and half on you. Nobody's fault, you know. I feel like your body language and the way that I interpret things don't jive very well and that prevents me from being able to really talk to you.
I feel rather resentful towards you for quitting hit_ to work for hit_. I feel like you quit and left a lot of responsibility on pregnant me. Even if it wasn't explicitly stated, I felt responsible and felt like I had to go to work. All the time. I was worried about the bills. I was worried we'd be broke, and what if I had a difficult birth, and was stuck at home? If I hadn't worked as much as I did, you would have gotten another job, or worked at home more. You would have been unhappy, and I would have broken under the weight of my guilt for making you do things you don't want to do. Even if my feelings in that situation would have been overblown, I would have felt that way. I worked a double shift the day before I had hit__, and then went back 11 days later. People don't do that. Women don't do that. I felt like I had to, though.
But that's done, and I feel like it's time for me to move on from my negative feelings.
I'll send you another email here in a while."
I don't know if this is a door opening or a door closing. I sent back an apology and I told her that I'd do anything to have my family back, including working as much as I had to so that she could be with our son more. She hasn't responded yet, and I don't know if I made a mistake trying. I'm so full of anxiety. I feel so guilty.
|
