It's True History Repeats... and Repeats

[rosesarered777]

Well, I got my own personal closure after doing some detective work.

I probably should not have been keeping tabs on my ex-BPD/poss Borderline but saw something eerie tonight.

My ex used to be super positive and jovial at the beginning of our now-dead relationship. She called me 'babes' and was super lovey-dovey. I had a hunch that her she had found her new boy-toy days before my birthday because she had added him to both of her accounts.

HISTORY IS REPEATING ITSELF!

She once told me about losing tons of weight because she had been in a bad relationship and that they had never gone anywhere!

I did not realize that this WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME.

She has lost a lot of weight that she had gained since our break-up in mid-December 2013. This is after years of drinking and blaming me entirely for her drinking. Hell, I even saw her Facebook and she was drinking a month ago from a full bottle! I am sure she found a way to blame me for that too!

She also blamed me for HER CHEATING -- saying that I was emotionally abusive when I am one of the most positive and determined people you will ever meet!

Thus, don't take what they say to heart! I realized that I did the best that I could and even giving her AN ENGAGEMENT RING seemed to push her away because she hated the commitment that it meant!

Once before she said that she wanted a ring from me... . months later, and only maybe September-October of last year (2013) she claimed that she had NEVER asked for the ring!

So if you are with a BPD, seriously... . please... . FOR YOUR OWN SAKE AND SANITY... . RUUUUN if you can. I know how enchanting they are but they will seriously hurt you and drain your sanity, wallet and destroy your friendships!

I still have feelings for my ex-BPD but it's just not worth it. Is a year or two of fake bliss really worth the mental and physical anguish of someone cheating on you, lying about big and trivial things? NOO!

[rosesarered777]

I cannot seem to edit my post above so I will add a little more.

Everything my ex did to me -- the 'lovebombing' of the first year, loving every single photo I took of myself, going along with every decision I made willingly ("as long as I can be with you" was close enough to verbatim to what she once told me A FEW TIMES)... . She is now doing to her new boyfriend! She is happy because she is attached to someone new, not because she necessarily loves that person!

She once downplayed our relationship... . Saying that she only dated me because she was lonely. She simply cannot remain alone and without someone else in her life.

After our last two splits, I felt super anxious and incomplete. That is normal. I suppose that might be similar to how she feels most of the time without a boyfriend! She once told me that she hadn't found anyone for 8.5 months before meeting me! Now I realize that MUST have been just another lie that she told me to make me feel special and attach faster to her.

Do I regret being with her? I think it is a darned shame that it was all a dream-turned-nightmare! It started off so romantically with how I met her and then a total shock that she could discard me without a proper goodbye or civilized discussion!

Hell, I even have my previous ex on my Facebook and she was helping me find a job around town! I suppose that is the real difference between a BPD ex and a 'more normal' ex. One forgives while the other just doesn't have the maturity to do so.

I just hope I don't attract anymore BPD's in the future.

[heartandwhole]

rosesarered777,

You are one of the few Leaving board members who has gotten closure, so good for you.    You seem to be very clear on what was going on, and very firm in wanting to detach.

How long have you been separated, and how do you feel about the idealization, lying, and abrupt discard?

Keep writing, we're listening.

[rosesarered777]

rosesarered777,

You are one of the few Leaving board members who has gotten closure, so good for you.    You seem to be very clear on what was going on, and very firm in wanting to detach.

How long have you been separated, and how do you feel about the idealization, lying, and abrupt discard?

Keep writing, we're listening.

She originally did not wish to give me closure! A friend of mine was still on her Facebook and told me that she was getting a sub, so I met her halfway from her place! She was absolutely FURIOUS to see me!

She said that if I had something to say that that would be the time to say it because I would never see her again! She was always that dramatic and "bhity" whenever she was upset.

I did not realize that she would lie about cheating on me but I realized that most of what she had told me over the course of the relationship was an utter lie. It's kind of sad to think about now but I now know that the relationship failed not due to a lack of love and/or commitment but because she was not capable of enjoying a steady (honest) relationship! It's sad but it sure beats getting a STD or being absolutely miserable in the decades to come spending so much time care-taking for her!

She really was a total drain on my finances and instead of buying things for myself, I was buying her food and/or clothes, etc. because her family was so poor! I hate to think what will happen to her once her parents retire or expire ... . She does not seem capable of earning enough money to survive or work full-time anymore.

If her new boy-toy gets sick of her or her behaviour after the 6-8 months of honeymoon 'bliss', she is surely in a horrible position to be in...

It was a total shock when I was discarded. I had caught her in lies before but I became a pushover when I would not have tolerated it from anyone else. It was sick and her constant attacks made me feel like it was my fault and almost as sick as she!

The adrupt discard is seriously cruel. Even my previous ex is still friends with me  (as I wrote above) although I hadn't spoken to her between 2011 and 2014, just up until a few weeks ago! One expects a civilized split after 4 years but she just isn't capable of it, just like she isn't capable of giving and taking. The 90% to her and 10% ratio to me 'sharing ratio' is highly accurate and I really did think that if she leaned on me, she would appreciate it somewhat and not misbehave!

They are truly 100% selfish and I do not think they care about anyone else, no matter if they have brief glimpses of sympathy for family members...

My $0.02.