A lot harder than I anticipated

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So... . stbxuBPDw is moving this Friday.  We actually started packing her stuff last night; and it went surprisingly well.  She seems to have "accepted" the fact that she is moving out.  I know this sounds weird... . and I know it's the BPD damage in my life... . but I'm starting to panic.  After she went to bed I spent the rest of the evening curled up on the floor in my bathroom in tears, having a panic attack.  That was just a lot harder than I anticipated for sure.  I know this has to be done - I know in the long run, I am saving my son and myself a lot of heartache and damage in the coming years... . but man, it sure is a lot easier when she's being nasty and i have to force the issue.  I've been fighting with myself all morning here at work, trying not to break down.  Just keep reminding myself of all the nasty, horrible things she's said to me, about me, and to my son. 

Just a few more days, and then I can start to try and heal... .

[ts919]

So... . stbxuBPDw is moving this Friday.  We actually started packing her stuff last night; and it went surprisingly well.  She seems to have "accepted" the fact that she is moving out.  I know this sounds weird... . and I know it's the BPD damage in my life... . but I'm starting to panic.  After she went to bed I spent the rest of the evening curled up on the floor in my bathroom in tears, having a panic attack.  That was just a lot harder than I anticipated for sure.  I know this has to be done - I know in the long run, I am saving my son and myself a lot of heartache and damage in the coming years... . but man, it sure is a lot easier when she's being nasty and i have to force the issue.  I've been fighting with myself all morning here at work, trying not to break down.  Just keep reminding myself of all the nasty, horrible things she's said to me, about me, and to my son. 

Just a few more days, and then I can start to try and heal... .

[Calm Waters]

I feel your pain, after my exBPDgf and I separated I spent a good few hours on her bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably, admittedly i was hammered on Gin but for me alcohol opens the floodgates to my feelings. It sounds given the little that you have written that your doing the right thing. The sobbing is healing and natural, a response to loss, let it flow and stay strong - good luck

[ts919]

I feel your pain, after my exBPDgf and I separated I spent a good few hours on her bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably, admittedly i was hammered on Gin but for me alcohol opens the floodgates to my feelings. It sounds given the little that you have written that your doing the right thing. The sobbing is healing and natural, a response to loss, let it flow and stay strong - good luck

Thanks Calm.  I've just been so angry, especially recently... . I couldn't get her out of the house fast enough.  It's such a toxic situation.  But now... . oh dear.  Out of nowhere I'm out for the count.  I know in the long run I'll be fine and it's for the better; but holy crap. 

[HealingForMe]

G'day ts919

Anger, sadness, frustration, etc, its all part of the grieving process. It sounds like you're thinking this through very well. You know what you need to do & why, & you're making it happen.

I know this is going to be very, very hard for you, my heart goes out to you. Good luck & stay strong for yourself & your son

[ts919]

G'day ts919

Anger, sadness, frustration, etc, its all part of the grieving process. It sounds like you're thinking this through very well. You know what you need to do & why, & you're making it happen.

I know this is going to be very, very hard for you, my heart goes out to you. Good luck & stay strong for yourself & your son

Thanks for your kind words Nacha - much appreciated.