Reported to child protective services

[Parents! Get help here!]

My DD is 14 and has had symptoms of BPD since summer of 2012 when she was only 13.  She started cutting, having outbursts and refusing to go to school.  She has had in the past 13 months 3 suicide attempts, one that very nearly killed her 2 weeks ago.  She has had 2 stays in a crisis unit and 3 hospitalizations.  We have done in-home therapy for a year, individual therapy and she goes to an adolescent DBT group. We lock up all meds and took her bedroom door off the hinges.  I go in the bathroom with her when she wants to shave. 

It doesn't matter what we do, she finds a way to cut and try to kill herself.  This last time she took 50,000 mg of Tylenol and nearly died.  She was in the ICU.  The hospital reported me to child protective services so now I am being investigated.  What makes it even worse, is I am a licensed Foster Parent to my 2 grandsons aged 2 and 3.  I could lose these kids over this, all 3 of them. 

Has anyone else had to deal with CPS?  Any advice?

[Elbry]

My DD is 14 and has had symptoms of BPD since summer of 2012 when she was only 13.  She started cutting, having outbursts and refusing to go to school.  She has had in the past 13 months 3 suicide attempts, one that very nearly killed her 2 weeks ago.  She has had 2 stays in a crisis unit and 3 hospitalizations.  We have done in-home therapy for a year, individual therapy and she goes to an adolescent DBT group. We lock up all meds and took her bedroom door off the hinges.  I go in the bathroom with her when she wants to shave. 

It doesn't matter what we do, she finds a way to cut and try to kill herself.  This last time she took 50,000 mg of Tylenol and nearly died.  She was in the ICU.  The hospital reported me to child protective services so now I am being investigated.  What makes it even worse, is I am a licensed Foster Parent to my 2 grandsons aged 2 and 3.  I could lose these kids over this, all 3 of them. 

Has anyone else had to deal with CPS?  Any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[femom]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I don't have any advice for you, but maybe CPS will be able to help you access better treatment for your daughter.  It sounds as if she might benefit from a residential program and I am hoping that they might be able to speed up the process.

[lever.]

I am in the UK so the services will be different but I did used to work in child protection. My advice would be that once they have a report they are obliged to investigate and your best option is to co-operate all the way and be completely open with them. This is worrying and unpleasant for you but if you can share with them that you are making every effort to keep your DD safe but are finding it difficult it may actually lead to more help.



I am sorry that you are currently having so much worry with your DD

[PaulaJeanne]

Hi Elbry,

I'm sorry for everything you are going through and I pray that you all get through it. My daughter is now 20, and fairly high functioning. When she was a teenager we went through multiple hospitalizations & much of what you describe.

At 17 she was in a day treatment program, and the school district had to provide education for the kids. My daughter decided to stop going. I was unable to make her go, and the program director called CPS on us, I think alleging we were negligent. We are in New York state.

The CPS worker showed up unannounced at my house as I was returning from a long, hard day at work. I thought I was going to crack into a million little pieces. However, I wasn't the least bit hostile or defensive. I figured there's nothing I can do about this situation. Let's see what happens.

She was very empathetic. She checked my daughter for injuries (outside of the cuts & scars on her arm) and also asked if she could look through her room (which I allowed). The CPS workers have seen it all. This woman totally understood what was going on, and she seemed to feel bad for me.

A few months later she came back & told me they were closing my case out as "unfounded". 

Best of luck to you with this... . and everything. You certainly have your hands full.

[co.jo]

As there is a paper trail of all the things you have done and are doing to keep your daughter safe, I wouldn't worry.I am a foster parent as well, and what might concern CPS is the effect all of this has  on the wee ones. In my province, I was able to foster and adopt when my BPD daughter was younger, with the understanding that if there was an issue, it was my daughter who would be moved, as there were also younger siblings here.I think it is important to remember CPS is not the enemy, just people trying to ensure everyone's safety. It seems your daughter's safety is a legit concern, in spite of all your efforts--might be worth asking if they had any suggestions for keeping her safe. Is there anything or anwhere else that would be safer?

This is a bit different situation, but I was caring for a 3 year old who kept running away and we could not promise to watch him 24/7. We called and told them we could not keep our eyes on him every second, so cPS gave us funds to hire someone for the busiest time as an extra pair of eyes.  So just try and work with them.

And bTW, my daughter was in foster care herself during her teens, which enabled the rest of us to live a bit more normally. It was a great relief at the time.

[qcarolr]

My BPDDD, now 27, has reported us to CPS a couple of times about our care for our gd, now 8. This was when DD was excluded from our home for her violent outbursts. They investigated all her accusations and closed the case both times. They could see the care we were giving to gd, and they understood the issues with DD. We have had custody of gd since she was a baby, though we got this with the help of the daddy (who is now in prison) privately. My dh refused to undergo the foster/adopt evaluation process to work through social services on this.

Hang in there. I hope it gets resolved quickly for you.

qcr

[PleaseValidate]

I've worked with them as a consultant but i do not have children.

Reminders: Always be as open and honest as possible to them. Be kind to them. Show the authentic concern for your child that you have.

Also, don't just see them as "investigators." They can HELP you and connect you to services. Your child seems on her way to needing a DMH case manager, if there is not already one in place. Coordinate with them to make this happen!

In Mass, we have a CHINS order (Child in Need of Services.) Here, this addresses the truancy and adds another level of consequences. Ask about this.

Also, i do not want to overstep my bounds but you did not mention her being on any medications. There sounds like there may be some major depression present with the BPD.

And don't be nervous. Sounds like you are doing as much as you can under the circumstances. I am sorry your daughter is so sick.

[Elbry]

Well I met with the caseworker and I think it's going to be ok.  Since I foster my grandsons, it was the same worker that is already involved with our family and she knows us well.  She just made note of all the services we have in place and all the safety measures we take.  She said she has to talk to her supervisor but she is going to close out the case as unfounded.  I have a big fear that they will decide it's all too much for me to handle and remove the boys from my care and put them with strangers.  I don't think I could handle that.

My DD does have a case manager, and med management right now.  She takes Zoloft and Buspar for Major Depression.  HCT was closed out Feb 16 because she was doing so well for about 4 months.  Her counselor quit on her this past week and threw her out of the office.  When I got there, I was told she wasn't engaging enough.  The clinician told me she has BPD, handed me a printout on it, and told me "I can't help her".  She had seen my DD 5 times and gave up.  So now I have to decide what to do, HCT, individual counseling, or residential.

[Elbry]

Oh she also is in an adolescent DBT group thank the Gods!

[trainwreck4]

We had them as well and I found them to be excellent sounding boards and in that period of time, I needed to be validated as a mother. When our kids are sick like this, we blame ourselves first. I was very honest with them and asked them to stay on board with us until BPD17 was 16. They sometimes have access to things we cannot get ourselves. I am glad it is working out for you!

[jellibeans]

Dear elbry

I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time with your dd. I am glad CPS was also worked out... . my husband was accuesed of abuse by my dd16 and we had CPs come to our home... . it was probably the lowest point in our lives... . to be trying so hard to help someone that only really wanted to hurt you was hard  to take... . that really was a turning point for us... . we started calling for police and help when ever we could after that... . we realized we didn't have the skills to help someone that didn't want to help themselves... . my dd was placed in a RTC for 2 months after trying to overdose twice in one weekend... . that really started the path to change for us and I will say we are doing a lot better than a year ago... . we still have a long road ahead but we are making progress. So keep reaching out for help and looking for treatment for your dd... . things do get better

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PleaseValidate]

HCT was closed out Feb 16 because she was doing so well for about 4 months.  Her counselor quit on her this past week and threw her out of the office.  When I got there, I was told she wasn't engaging enough.  The clinician told me she has BPD, handed me a printout on it, and told me "I can't help her".  She had seen my DD 5 times and gave up.  So now I have to decide what to do, HCT, individual counseling, or residential.

FIND A BETTER THERAPIST! One more qualified to deal w your daughter's symptoms. 

[BioAdoptMom3]

Being also the parent of a 14 y/o DD diagnosed with BPD TRAITS, and possibly bipolar, I can certainly understand what you are dealing with.  I have also been a teacher for 31 years, foster parent and have a good friend who is a DCF investigator in our district.  It seems to me, especially based on what I hear from her, that the investigator who posted here is totally correct.  They have to investigate once a report is made.  If they were that overly concerned they would have already removed your children.  At least it seems to me that that procedure is the usual course of action when they strongly suspect its true.  Just try as best you can to relax and cooperate.  I am sure in conversation with you, and by just visiting your home, the investigator already has a good idea that everything is OK.  Please know that we are here for you with our support and empathy  !  I will add you to my prayer list!