Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 11, 2025, 03:38:32 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Perceived Slights  (Read 1480 times)
Confused76

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 27


« on: March 18, 2014, 04:21:08 PM »

I have read that a major part of BPD can be perceived slights, both real and imagined.  This can lead to "BPD Rage".  I have found after accepting the demise of my relationship with my uBPDexGF that I now have 20/20 vision for the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post) Red Flags in the past.  I can almost look back in amusement at these situations now.  I will share 2 of mine, and wonder if anyone else would like to share.

A.)  Early on in our relationship, we were heading towards sexy-times.  I stated that I felt that there might be something really special happening between us.  Immediately, eyes gloss over, I am pushed off of her and she stares at me and says "might?"  I attempted to explain myself, apologize for maybe not phrasing it as well as I could.  Nothing, I was shut down, wouldn't discuss the matter anymore, she rolled over and went to bed.  She brings it up again early in the morning, saying that she questioned my dedication to her.  I told her she was fixating on one word in that statement, while not acknowledging the general statement.  I refused to talk about it anymore.

B.)  I had phoned a female friend earlier in the day, to ask a question regarding LinkedIn.  That evening I am snuggled up with uBPDexGF on the couch and I receive a text alert.  I check it, and it says "I am busy tonight, I'll call you tomorrow to answer your questions".  Again, the GF shifts into the other person.  She asks "Who is Molly, and why is she going to call you" (names changed).  She had seen the entire text alert, name and all.  I explained who "Molly" was, that she was a friend that worked in HR.  I was asked a 100 questions pertaining to this person, and every answer was matched with an air of disbelief.  I even texted "Molly" back, what questions, and she responded about LinkedIn.  The rest of the evening became damage control, attempting to understand where the insecurity came from and how to prove that I was not a liar or unfaithful.  We goto bed exhausted, from arguing for hours.  Wake up, everything is peachy keen, like nothing had ever happened.

--Side Note--  The day after this second altercation was when I found the used condoms in her trash.  Possible projection from the guilt of her cheating?
Logged
Want2know
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2934



WWW
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2014, 08:19:42 PM »

In hindsight, it is kind of easy to point out the red flags.  Not so easy when you are engaged and thinking you are in love, and can forgive those moments in order to keep the relationship going. 

How does it make you feel that you now see this and know that you ignored your 'spidey sense'?

For me, it took a while, and I'm still working on it, to build up trust with others.  I think this is really important... . not just trust for others, but trust of ourselves to do what is best for us. 

I'm not talking about being selfish... . it's about understanding what is a healthy relationship.

Have you read this article: https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a115.htm ?
Logged

“The path to heaven doesn't lie down in flat miles. It's in the imagination with which you perceive this world, and the gestures with which you honor it." ~ Mary Oliver
Jb2003

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 38



« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2014, 07:03:24 PM »

In retrospect I can now see why my ex was so upset EVERY time I would get on FB even for a second she would lose it. Now that we are over I find she was talking to the next knight in shining armor on FB for over a month before she dumped me for him... .
Logged
Jb2003

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 38



« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2014, 07:04:41 PM »

Man do I feel sorry for him... .
Logged
purpleavocado
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 87


« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2014, 08:56:30 PM »

YES. Mine would feel slighted by the strangest things and would huff and puff about them for hours before finally admitting what they were. And usually, of course, they were completely baseless and irrational. But since I was so close to the situation I didn't realize that and would of course jump through hoops trying to 'fix' the mess. Ugh.
Logged
itsnotme567
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 54



« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2014, 09:42:04 AM »

mine would feel slighted over small things i said or my tone when i said them and get madder each time it happened.
Logged
electrichummingbird

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 9


« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2014, 11:15:57 AM »

Mine would mishear me through closed doors   and then rage at me about what he'd thought I'd said (always horrible and abusive). And one time it was right in front of me; I was crying with our child on my lap as he stormed out of the room raging, I sighed something to myself and he turned around and bellowed "WHAT did you just say?" - it was terrifying. Is that a thing too?
Logged
heartandwhole
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2014, 02:40:48 PM »

Hi Confused76,

Yes, a pwBPD often perceives behavior differently than someone without the disorder.  I just read an interesting recent study that indicated that in relationships pwBPD interpret interactions initiated by the partner as negative, even when the he/she has clearly positive experiences with the partner.

One reason might be that the fear of abandonment jumps in immediately after positive behavior by the partner – the pwBPD "distrusts [the partner's] love and fears rejection."

Here's the abstract of the study if you're interested: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23750533

I definitely experienced the perceived slights in my situation, too.  He was very tuned in to minute facial expressions/body language and voice inflections.  Someone whose survival depended on deciphering caregivers' states and moods would naturally be highly sensitive to that.

I'm glad you can look back on it now without stress.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

heart 
Logged


When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!