Grieving a loss without ex - feeling much better

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

hi all,

i recently lost a beloved pet... .

i know losing a pet might not look painful for some, but for me it was.

i allowed myself to grieve alone... to feel the sadness of the situation, and i am moving on. WHen my pet fell ill, i wanted to have the support of my ex... oh i wanted to call her... she knew about my pet's illness, and instead of offering condolences she told me the pet would be better dead (nice one), kind of implying i did not take good care of my pet...   and she kept trying to hurt me with this a few more times, and altough it hurt, i knew that wasnt true, i loved my pet dearly and my friends knew it.

back to the point, now that i grieve the loss, i am doing it alone. I have not miss one second my ex. I am building myself from the base, and this time, this base does not include her anymore . I dont hate her, but i dont "need" her by my side to comfort me... i can do that myself now.

i think i am healing inside.

[growing_wings]

hi all,

i recently lost a beloved pet... .

i know losing a pet might not look painful for some, but for me it was.

i allowed myself to grieve alone... to feel the sadness of the situation, and i am moving on. WHen my pet fell ill, i wanted to have the support of my ex... oh i wanted to call her... she knew about my pet's illness, and instead of offering condolences she told me the pet would be better dead (nice one), kind of implying i did not take good care of my pet...   and she kept trying to hurt me with this a few more times, and altough it hurt, i knew that wasnt true, i loved my pet dearly and my friends knew it.

back to the point, now that i grieve the loss, i am doing it alone. I have not miss one second my ex. I am building myself from the base, and this time, this base does not include her anymore . I dont hate her, but i dont "need" her by my side to comfort me... i can do that myself now.

i think i am healing inside.

[myself]

Sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. You sound like you are handling it very well. I understand the feeling to reach out to your ex in such a time, and also how it's best you didn't. I know some people going through something similar, with my own pet getting up there in years. I hope we do as well. I was thinking about it recently, feeling that when the time comes I might feel to reach out to my ex who also knew and loved my pet. I know my ex would relate to what I'd be going through, but since she's chosen to not be part of our lives while my pet is still alive, why would or should she be there for us when my pet has passed away? Like you, in thinking it over, I see I could better grieve on my own, without the added grief my ex would bring into it. Here's to your healing. And here's to our pets!

[growing_wings]

thanks myself for your answer... .

you keep enjoying your pet still alive!

i think your thought process is the right one. They decided not to be in our lives. Mine had the chance to say good bye to my pet, but she decided not to, well , she thought my pet died earlier and straight away tried to made me feel bad saying: " oh i would have liked to say my good byes, she will be better in the other world I am told... "... well, when i told her she didnt die (when we were still in LC) she did not ask to see her and offer her goodbyes as she told me before (she had 3 months to do so, but never did), as usual, it was just a lie and a trick from her to make me feel guilty...

you love your pet now, when the time is right, you will know what to do... but i think your decision so far is the right one...

[seeking balance]

 

[Cimbaruns]

GW

Mine had a chance to say goodbye to a pet we adopted together... . but she chose to run off with my replacement and not look back... . weeks later in the only moment of contact we had... . she chose to get her comments in... . my guess to get some control...

Grieving your special friend is so important... . they provide a special comfort to us while they walk by our side... . they truly are our friends !

So sorry for your loss of your special friend... .

Sending you hugs GW. 

[growing_wings]

thanks a lot SB and Cimbaruns 

Cimbaruns, your story is not much different than mine...

[corraline]

Im sorry you have lost your pet

They give us soo much unconditional love.

Now to be grieving more.  :'( That must be very difficult

Its hard when you are going through something so difficult and you cannot reach out to someone you were so close to  or you do reach out to the ex and they are not there to support you

We are here.  We support you .   I know its not the same but it may help a little

[growing_wings]

We are here.  We support you .   I know its not the same but it may help a little

thanks corraline! this is very nice to read.

the grieving is passing and leaving. What i am happy about this experience is that i managed to get through without my ex at all... . not needing her at times of crisis is a massive step forward for me. 

[Dog biscuit]

Sorry to read about your loss GW 

New experiences, wether they are good or painfull ones, create more detachment from our former partners. It's a new life for yourself you are creating!

Maybe bittersweet, but good!

[growing_wings]

Sorry to read about your loss GW 

New experiences, wether they are good or painfull ones, create more detachment from our former partners. It's a new life for yourself you are creating!

Maybe bittersweet, but good!

so very true!