Having another bad day... Will this ever end?

[newc1992]

So, my ex girlfriend, who is most definitely BPD (although she has some narcissistic and histrionic traits too), has recently returned from seeing her parents in Spain and is back in the UK, living just a few streets away from her. Even though I hated the thought of never seeing her again, having her back has made me feel worse as I can see her living her life and forging all these new friendships, whilst seemingly forgetting that I even exist.

Many people on here probably know my story, but she has blocked me on all social networking (Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc.), but I have heard from friends that she seems much happier recently, hanging around with her new group of friends and seemingly attempting to find herself a new boyfriend. We have been NC since the end of January, although I sent her a nice text on her birthday last week which has received no response. It really is the most horrible feeling, knowing that she is able to move on, without even thinking about me, whilst I feel like I keep returning to square one. Whilst she was away I was able to keep distance from her, and now she is back living in the same place as me and I am finding it harder to cope. She still has some belongings at my house, but I don't know whether to initiate contact and return them to her or not, especially when she knows that they are here and this will just give her ammunition (he still loves me, he's clingy, etc.). She recently "liked" a photo which my friend uploaded onto Facebook, despite him not being close with her at all, and even though he has not spoken to her since January. He believes that she is only doing this to "get at me", as there is no other reason for her to be initiating any form of contact with any of my friends (for the record, I told him that she does not care about me enough to even have me on her mind at all, let alone try to get at me). Other friends claim that her recent efforts to block me on Twitter (which makes no difference - I can still see her profile) were only done to get back at me in some way: to make a point that she hates me.

We had a brilliant relationship together. The honeymoon phase continued for three months before she began to devalue me - I was dumped within a week. I just feel so awful at the way things have turned out. Especially when she appears so happy and I am still picking up the pieces 2 months post-breakup. It doesn't seem fair. I still want her to return for a recycle, however I have given up on any hope of this happening, since she is managing just fine without me. I will be breaking NC in a month or so, as I need to return her remaining belongings before I move out in June. Until then we shall see how things progress. I will keep reading up on BPD and trying to get through this day by day. The support on here is the best I have received as everyone here knows what they are talking about, and as many people on here have said, the best healer is time. I just hope that not too much time is needed in these circumstances as I have surely endured enough.

[Want2know]

This stuff is tough.   

My take on the perception that our ex's were able to move on easier than we were is that they do not look at what failed, what they can learn from, how they can become a more healthy person, etc.  Therefore, they will continue the same dysfunctional patterns.  For many of us, we do look at what we learned from the relationship and how to make more healthy decisions for our daily lives and for future relationships.  I'd rather have some time of pain and confusion during the detachment process if it allows me to make better decisions, than to continue on with the same pattern, perhaps finding myself in another bad relationship.