Do they get upset if you move on?

[heartbroken25]

Just curious.  If they were the ones to leave you, as my dBPDh has done several times, do they get upset when they see you're moving on and fine without them?

Appreciate any experiences/input. 

[ziniztar]

From what I understand, of course pwBPD are upset. Leaving you is an act of dispair in the moment, not something they consistenly want. I'm not sure whether pwBPD will show it to you though. I don't think he/she would allow the pain of abandonment and shame.

I've heard that my dBPDbf has had a huge remorse of ending it with his previous girlfriend (through his vers insensitive and ignorant mom I might add). Then again, because of the 'running into relationships' thing, pwBPD can also get into and then stick to wrong relationships. Maybe you and I are one of them. But they will still feel the abandonment, whether they really cared for you or not.

Why do you ask, by the way? Their response should not play a factor in your decision to stay or go...

[maxsterling]

Interesting question.  I know if you end things with them, the abandonment issue kicks in and they are upset.  I know my BPDgf still holds onto a lot of resentment toward exes whom she perceived to have "dumped" her.  My guess is they broke up with her for good reason (because they were abused), but hearing her say she was "dumped" tells me she's still bitter.  The ones she ran off on?  She doesn't mention them so much.  She will go on and on about the men she dated and said they would marry her only to run off, but never talk about the guy she did the same thing to.  That leads me to believe she doesn't care about the ones she broke up with.  Probably true in nonBPD relationships as well - we are more hurt when the other person breaks up with us than the other way around. 

My feeling is that a pwBPD will only break up with you if a) they have a replacement; or b) they've painted you black for some reason.  Because they hate being alone, they won't break up with you just to be single.  In scenario (A), the pwBPD really won't care if you move on because he/she has found someone new and you no longer matter to them.  in scenario (B), you are painted black and hated anyway, so whether or not you have moved on won't change that. 

Perhaps awhile after a breakup, and you have moved on to someone else and now you are happy, and he/she has failed again with your replacement (or your replacement's replacement), he/she may now look at you with resentment.  Even though my BPDgf claims to be happy with me and that I am much better than anyone else she has ever dated, she still holds ill will and jealousy towards exes who have gone on to get married and have kids.  Those were exes that broke up with her, though. Still a red flag to me though - if she was truly happy with me, why the resentment towards exes?

[lost tree]

Interesting question.  I know if you end things with them, the abandonment issue kicks in and they are upset.  I know my BPDgf still holds onto a lot of resentment toward exes whom she perceived to have "dumped" her.  My guess is they broke up with her for good reason (because they were abused), but hearing her say she was "dumped" tells me she's still bitter.  The ones she ran off on?  She doesn't mention them so much.  She will go on and on about the men she dated and said they would marry her only to run off, but never talk about the guy she did the same thing to.  That leads me to believe she doesn't care about the ones she broke up with.  Probably true in nonBPD relationships as well - we are more hurt when the other person breaks up with us than the other way around. 

My feeling is that a pwBPD will only break up with you if a) they have a replacement; or b) they've painted you black for some reason.  Because they hate being alone, they won't break up with you just to be single.  In scenario (A), the pwBPD really won't care if you move on because he/she has found someone new and you no longer matter to them.  in scenario (B), you are painted black and hated anyway, so whether or not you have moved on won't change that. 

Perhaps awhile after a breakup, and you have moved on to someone else and now you are happy, and he/she has failed again with your replacement (or your replacement's replacement), he/she may now look at you with resentment.  Even though my BPDgf claims to be happy with me and that I am much better than anyone else she has ever dated, she still holds ill will and jealousy towards exes who have gone on to get married and have kids.  Those were exes that broke up with her, though. Still a red flag to me though - if she was truly happy with me, why the resentment towards exes?

Hi,

I "dumped" my uBPD ( hate to use the word dumped) and I never heard back from her, it's been a month now. I actually sent her and her parents two separate letters that were extremely heart felt and I had ultra high hopes my letters would open her eyes…Sadly she has disappeared.