Is it immature to block an ex on facebook?

[cheaptrick]

I went NC and after 2 weeks she sent me a farewell email I posted yesterday. I was wanting feedback regarding facebook. The night we argued she immediately blocked me on fb. 2 weeks later she unblocked me. She sent me a farewell email yesterday.  That has me thinking of blocking her and moving on for two reasons. First to heal and second to prevent me from peeking at he post.

I don't want to come off petty and don't want to give mixed signals because I understand that blocking mat trigger more attempts by her to try to recycle.  Most members here say that her email was an attempt vs a farewell. So which is best? Block or not block?

[seeking balance]

  That has me thinking of blocking her and moving on for two reasons. First to heal and second to prevent me from peeking at he post.

You can hide her threads or block her - whichever works best for you.

FB is what it is - if you need to have no access to her to heal, do it.  Who cares if someone else things it is immature - it is about you and what you need right now, right?

[myself]

Choosing to help yourself heal is definitely not petty, no matter how it looks to someone else. If blocking her stops you from being hurt by what you might see, it sounds like a good option. What about the mixed signals we send ourselves when we go back and forth about taking care of ourselves?

[seeking balance]

What about the mixed signals we send ourselves when we go back and forth about taking care of ourselves?

you are on fire today myself! 

[Dutched]

That has me thinking of blocking her and moving on for two reasons. First to heal and second to prevent me from peeking at he post.

I think the solution is in your text.  It is about you now, your healing.

I blocked her immediately after she left.  Must admit that there was e-mail contact because of matters to be solved and involving my kids.

I am using FB only for staying in contact with family. As you can imagine after a long r/s, exBPDw had some o mine family members as friend too.

In order to protect myself I took several precautions ( as hard as it may seems to FB-friends)

General:

= I blocked my visibility, my postings and visibility of my friends for others

= can’t be found by Google, etc.

= blocked all her family members (which were no friends)  just as precaution

= blocked several persons in our community and her social circle, of whom I knew they (could) have contact with her (all as precaution)

Specific:

I composed and posted a text on my page in which I made very clear:

= that I needed to protect myself therefore my reactions were limited as from now on.

= that I respected their choice to remain in contact (because of all these years)

= would very appreciate it not to post any pictures as from now on with me on it.

Family/friends phoned me telling me to understand and respect my request.

Please NEVER tell or defend yourself to any mutual friend. There are no “mutual” friends in case of a break up! (not even with “normal” break ups, the web is full of those stories) Every one chooses a side, not now, eventually they will.

   

Just last week, I unblocked her… (could block her again after 48hrs.) She left a 3 yrs. ago

First:  THE amazing discovery:  she did not block me

Second: I checked my FB family/friends, it revealed that no one has her as friend 

Third: I peeked ad her page. Friends are blocked, most postings too.  Most…  those of her birthday last year not…

   

Her cover/header photo is a quote of Audrey Hepburn, of whom is know that she had a sever depressions and/or a disorder. The quote:  “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow”

Knowing her, it is typically for her gloomy and empty view of her world. Believing is part of relying on others, which is what they do.

[blissful_camper]

I blocked my ex on FB and I did that for my own well being.  I didn't care what he thought about it.  What's happening in my life is none of his business. 

I'm on FB for business networking.  For years my status updates were always public.  Not anymore. After the break up, he was keeping tabs on me through FB, and that made me uncomfortable.  I blocked him, however I continued to post my status updates as public.  After the block, he created a fake account to work around that block. 

I took similar actions as Dutched.

I blocked my ex.

I blocked my replacement.

I cut ties with his family and blocked them.

I blocked his friends.

I cut ties with our mutual friends, and I blocked them.

I changed out my cover photo and profile pic so that there are no pics of me visible to the public.

Google does not bot my FB page.

I reset the privacy on my page so everything that can be set to 'friends' is.  If someone is not a contact, they cannot see the groups I belong to, page likes, friends, photos, or anything personal on my about page.

OT, I also cut ties with everyone who lives in his community.  I want off his radar. 

[purpleavocado]

No, it really isn't. And it will provide you more relief than you could EVER imagine. I strongly encourage you to do it!

[LettingGo14]

Block or not block?

"The only way out is through" says a Robert Frost quote.   I learned this the hard way.  I was blocked, and I got an e-mail goodbye.   The FOG started to lift when I found this community, and started my way back to myself.

You need to make the decision for yourself.   But, I'm all for unhooking every connection -- not out of spite or anger or fear, but in order to detach and find ourselves.   If you block, do it for yourself.    Let yourself grieve the loss of the relationship.  Let yourself feel the pain.   And, then, be kind to yourself.

[ShakinMyHead]

Harvej, You could block her, then immediately deactivate your FB account for a few days, week, whatever? Never hurts to unplug sometimes if you can. Then when you come back on, she's blocked. This way she doesn't see you up, having blocked just her. I tend to take the Buddhist stance if at all possible, and sit still. I try not to trigger or engage my exBPDbf unless i'm itching to get recycled? I like to play dead, or he comes sniffing around if he thinks any memories have faded, or I'm lonely and vulnerable. Or you could just block her … Let us know how it goes. SMH

[bossanover]

I have a question about the mechanics of blocking on facebook that's been bugging me for a while actually...

My ex blocked me first, so that meant I couldn't block her.

But I blocked her email address on facebook, which is connected to her account. So is that the same thing? If she were to unblock me and contact me fishing for a recycle, would my email block stop her from seeing me?

Is there such thing as a mutual block or is it just whoever gets in first?

[ShakinMyHead]

Boss, I think it's whoever gets to it first. My exBPDbf blocked me while we were FB friends, but didn't unfriend me. This way he can unblock and block whenever he wants, but I can't unfriend him unless I see his profile up and I'm not blocked. So, he is in total control. He is deactivated now. But I know he can troll in the middle of the night. He reactivates his FB profile, unblocks me, and I show up back on his friends list.  I can't even catch him up, let alone, unblocked, to unfriend him. Ugh... .

[Aussie0zborn]

It's not immature at all to block an ex on Facebook - it's part of a successful "No Contact" strategy. Don't forget to make your page "private (friends only)" and also make your friends list "private (friends only)" - these are two separate actions.

[Dutched]

Bossanover and shakingmyhead

If she blocked you first, consequences are that she can’t see anything of you.

Point as you mentioned is, she is in control.

But, when she unblocks you to peek, she can’t block you for a 48 hrs.

For you, she will show up when you search for her.

At that moment the initiative is on your side to block her an be in control.

It’s then the effort of checking regularly.

[bossanover]

Boss, I think it's whoever gets to it first. My exBPDbf blocked me while we were FB friends, but didn't unfriend me. This way he can unblock and block whenever he wants, but I can't unfriend him unless I see his profile up and I'm not blocked. So, he is in total control. He is deactivated now. But I know he can troll in the middle of the night. He reactivates his FB profile, unblocks me, and I show up back on his friends list.  I can't even catch him up, let alone, unblocked, to unfriend him. Ugh... .

Bummer. I thought that was the case... I'm expecting to receive unwanted messages in the future.

Do you happen to know what the email blocking does? Probably nothing I suppose

[Narellan]

Im also deliberating about the blocking issue. Ive had no contact for 10 days, but he is posting stuff to get a reaction from me, and deliberately posting flirty comments and propositions on lots of his female friends photos... . also i think to get a reaction. If i block him, he wins cos he gets the reaction. Prior to this he deleted me twice in a 2 month period, over photos of me out that looked like i might be having too much fun. and so i refused to accept his friend request again for about a month. So i think if i block him it will trigger an outburst and things could get nastier. So im just sitting tight. Reading everything he posts and getting to know him so much more than i did. Its heartwrenching, but i need it to be because up until yesterday i still would have taken him back.

[Onmyown]

I have blocked my ex is every aspect I can.

It's purifying to say the least as I'm taking care of myself!

It's none of our business what our ex's think of us.  They were mean, hateful and condescending and took us on the worst mind roller coaster of our lives.  So who cares if they can't "find" us.  WooHoo 

I no longer wonder what he's doing or who he is with.  I'm free.  I laugh and have re-connected with family and friends who I lost.  You know what?  They love me more than ever because they see me growing, changing back into the strong, loving, caring woman I was before I met him. 

When I didn't block, I was looking at his FB page cover photos and making myself miserable.

I couldn't heal move on or look at the happiness that was waiting for me.

I have given myself the best gift ever,  "ME" and boy do I love her 

So block them, take away their controlling, manipulating ways - free yourself and finally let the happiness you deserve wrap you up in it's arms.

[tinkerbell09]

"What about the mixed signals we send ourselves when we go back and forth about taking care of ourselves?"... myself was on fire!

That makes so much sense to me. How can we move on and heal when we keep ourselves in the limbo of mixed signals? We can't. Hope is a good thing... . but it can also be a trap that we keep setting for ourselves with someone.

... . even in the healthiest relationships, people don't want to admit there's no hope of things working out when that's the reality, so in BPD relationships that hope gets as skewed as everything else, I'm thinking.

You have to do what is right for you, but blocking someone can help YOU move on and heal. Keeping a wound open and raw doesn't help it get better. I hope that helps.

[Reforming]

It's a difficult decision. For me it was part of the whole process of letting go.

My ex didn't use Facebook much.

But I was still conscious that we had the ability to look into each other's lives and reconnect.

Whenever I went on Facebook her name kept popping high up on my chat bar but she never seemed to be online. This is usually an indication that someone's viewing your page etc

Then one day she popped up live.

It felt so strange and sad to think of her sitting at a computer a few miles away.

And I felt such a strong compulsion to reach out but I knew that to move forward I needed to let go.

I closed my browser...

The next day I decided to unfriend her and block her.

I didn't do it in anger - I felt very sad

I did it to protect myself and give myself a safe place to grieve and move on.

And I did it to send her a clear message that it was over

I didn't block or unfriend our mutual friends.

So if she wants to find out she knows I'm okay.

Today I got a Facebook request from young girl who works in the same company as her.

I don't know this girl and I don't know why she's trying to friend me on Facebook

My instinct is that it's some indirect recycling attempt

I deleted the request

Be honest with yourself about your intent and do what feels right for you

The best of luck

[Phoenix.Rising]

No.

[1BrickShort]

Bummer. I thought that was the case... I'm expecting to receive unwanted messages in the future.

Do you happen to know what the email blocking does? Probably nothing I suppose

No, no no.

Using their email address in the blocking section is effective. If it's the address they use for Facebook, they will be blocked even if they unblock you.

Of course, they can change their address and your block will then be rendered ineffective, but up until that time, you're in good shape.

[allinasmile]

60 days after 8 years of the pull and push!  NC is the only way you will and can move on. Not immature it is what you have to do to become untangled from there web. From the many years I have suspected and read about BPD I came to the realization that my exBPD was what  I was dealing with. Although from no acknowledgement on his part that he had anything wrong with him, because It was always the crazy "woman" he was attracted to. 3 failed marriages and many failed relationships   They will not change until they choose to.  You are only filling the temporary and always endless hole of emotion that occurred through their birth, pre adolescent or post adolescent childhood experiences.  I had to realize that I am not capable of  fixing my ex BPD especially since he cant not acknowledge this issue and I am pretty sure you can't either.  Along with y years of researching his crazy

chartersistics , what i read was to make sure your affairs are in your order and leave under the premise that's it's you and not them. This avoids the battle and they think you will be back. I said to my exBPD after eight years that I needed a break which he was used to me saying, but I then blocked him from fb, text cell, emai.  That enabled me to never having to hear another mean thing that he could say to me. Short of  him showing up at my door which they don't do. BPD never think they do anything wrong and because they feel we so enadmired of them we will be back. I am fairly confident that he is out of my life for good.  But you and I have the choice to keep them out of our lives.  It is not easy but really try to reflect how good were  the good times vs how many times they kicked you in the gut with negative unsupportive mean nasty statements.