What the word "objectify" means in psychology?

[arn131arn]

So, my P tells me I am a "left brain" thinker. I mostly use analysis, logic, and objectiveness to solve problems. So, since I use objectiveness to sort things out can someone tell me what the word "objectify" means in psychology and how that relates to a BPD relationship?

[2010]

Well, my first question would be why you are seeing a psychiatrist rather than a cognitive therapist, but perhaps these discussions with your psychiatrist are leading you onto something that's important for you to solve. Your question actually concerns existential ethics; which discusses the differences between objectiveness and subjectiveness.

Objective statements are facts that can be verified while subjective statements are merely personal opinion. They are not the same as objectification in psychology.

Objectification in psychology is the process of turning oneself and others into an object that then uses others as objects or misuses them. Borderlines often objectify themselves as offerings to people who objectify them. These people also objectify themselves but "subsume" the object into their own grandiose idea of reference concerning themselves.

When the objectified partner rebels, the grandiose idea of reference is deflated and this creates a narcissistic injury to the false self and obsession for the needed object and objectification (of the self and others) to return. Objectification goes hand in hand with idealization and can be considered a coping mechanism to ward off depression about the true self's sense of defectiveness.

Hope that helps. 

[arn131arn]

My P has a doctorate in psychology and we work every Friday with CBT.

I suck at psychology and philosophy as well as relationships. Just not my cup of tea. Sometimes I cannot wrap my head around it all.

I used to think I was an alpha male but this relationship with my son' smother the past 14 years has proven that wrong.

2010, thanks for your response, unfortunately I will have to read it very slowly 10 times ti comprehend it! Lol  

Arn

[2010]

I suck at psychology and philosophy as well as relationships. Just not my cup of tea. Sometimes I cannot wrap my head around it all.

This statement would be an example of subjectiveness. It owes itself due to your beliefs and cannot be proven as fact.

I used to think I was an alpha male but this relationship with my son' smother the past 14 years has proven that wrong.

This statement would be an example of objectification of yourself based on a fallen grandiose idea of reference (a narcissistic injury) due to the withdrawal of a secondary object.

The bottom line is: what you are experiencing is an identity crisis of huge proportions that needed to happen in your life. The only way out of this is through the realization that it had to happen even if you are neck high in quicksand. It doesn't need a worldwide pilgrimage, you can begin to ask the hard questions of yourself now rather than in isolation. What is needed is stability, safety and talk therapy with someone who presses you on your ideas of reference, most specifically on why you put yourself down and why you compare yourself with a replacement when he will likely suffer the same fate as you.  This isn't about his success, it's about yours.

Keep talking to your guidance counselor and if you have any questions about objectification and more specifically, the false self, read James Masterson's book, "search for the real self." It can likely be found at your local library as it's been in print for many years. 

[Happy1]

Hi arn131arn, maybe I can help put it in lay terms for you. Finally grasping the concept and meaning of objectification was a huge epiphany to me a couple of months back.

I read another poster her talking about how his wife objectified him. I'm paraphrasing, but he said that whenever he expressed his needs to his BPDw, that is when her raging came out or the relationship would get difficult. The same was true in my case. As long as I sort of went along with my BPD's "plans" for things, things would be fine, but the moment I expressed my "needs" or desires things quickly spun out of control.

So, for me, and my understanding of objectification comes down to, my BPD always wanted to be in control. The analogy that I like to think of for my BPD is, "playing doll house." As long as she can have "the objects" me, the kids, pets, etc. aligned as she wants them for her world, then things run smoothly. But as animate beings (as opposed to objects) we all express our own free will when unrestrained. To my BPD this was intolerable. She needed control of nearly everything and everything should have its place or she would become upset. So, in that sense, she was "objectifying" most animate things in her life through her intense efforts to control our behaviors, etc.

Hope that helps.

[fromheeltoheal]

When the objectified partner rebels, the grandiose idea of reference is deflated and this creates a narcissistic injury to the false self and obsession for the needed object and objectification (of the self and others) to return. Objectification goes hand in hand with idealization and can be considered a coping mechanism to ward off depression about the true self's sense of defectiveness.

This truth has been profound for me.  Within this frame, she was objectifying herself to me during the idealization phase, as a means to affect an attachment, and I was eating it up, objectifying her and myself but not seeing it that way.  And then, when she flopped to devaluation, it was an attack on my false self, I got massively defensive for a while, and then staged a rebellion of my own, which exploded the relationship.  And under all that was the confirmation once again that who I really am is defective, less than, not good enough, same old crap, brought to the fore as the facade I'd created came tumbling down once the Trojan horse of a boundary buster let loose her venom.  Fck.  Now what?  Realize that what I got from her was the gift of perspective, what I do with it I'm not entirely clear on yet, but life seems entirely different.  One day at a time.

[arn131arn]

Holy crappola.

I am glad I asked this question. I tried several times getting sober through our relationship. Last summer My drinking was out of control. Completely out of control. She was distancing and had given me the silent treatment for 6 months. The more she was silent the more resentful I got, the more I drank it seemed. I would tell her I needed help, I couldnt stop on my own. To please help me. She laughed and said something about being a loser in front of my son. I don't think she wanted me to quit drinking, she would have lost the person who made her "the victim"