No way to respond?

[FigureIt]

When I have a lot on my mind, I guess I talk in my sleep. Although the talking is not actually words, it is mumbles & groans.  I have been blamed for waking my SO due to my sounds and keeping him up. Therefore I have told him to just wake me and tell me and I'll roll over. 

Also, he has come to the conclusion (assumption) that because these are sounds of groaning/mumbling, not actual words, I am having "sex" dreams.  I Wish... . ! (I have had 1 or 2 of those over the years and I always wake up.) Never have I remembered anything when my SO claims I have been talking.  So defending myself is useless when I don't know!

Last night, he woke me and told me I was talking. I said sorry rolled over and went back to sleep.  I 'm guessing because he woke me in mid dream I actually remembered what I was dreaming. I was dreaming of passing papers back to my students and talking about the topic to them... . (real exciting!). So, when I told him this am what I remembered his response was "that's not what it sounded like."  I didn't even respond... . I can't defend something that isn't true and most of the time I don't have any recollection about!

Should I even acknowledge his irrationality?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Wrongturn1]

FigureIt: well that is a difficult situation, and I'm not sure there is any sure-fire "correct" response that you could give.  It would be within the range of reasonable for you to ignore it and go back to sleep immediately (or pretend to still be asleep and not hear his comments). 

Alternatively, if you want to try talking about it when it happens, you could try some validation approach along the lines of saying to him something like, "it sounds like you might be upset, are you feeling sad or angry?"  Then let him explain what he is thinking/feeling.  Try to identify the emotion he is feeling, and validate/normalize, maybe with, "gee, that does sound very upsetting - if I thought my SO was dreaming of having sex with someone else, I would feel angry and sad too.  The good news is that I was actually dreaming about handing back papers to my students, but I can see how you would feel upset if you interpreted my noises a different way.  Good night, sweetie."  And resume your sleeping.

Good luck!

[an0ught]

Hi FigureIt,

I would stick to what you are doing unless it disrupts your sleep. Broken record - stick to your lines. You strongly believe those lines are true so they come across true when you are sleepy. You can't fight silliness with reasoned arguments if the other party is acting silly due to their limitations.

Of course his behavior points towards insecurity, jealousy, sexual insecurity and fear of abandonment. Can't hurt to validate those once in a while when you sense them.