The dreams, they're killing me, please help

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

You guys. Im about 2 weeks post break up, we've had a few days NC (although she works in the same building as me one time, got a weak "hi" but that was it) and I'd like to think that Im making some really good progress. But, there is one thing that brings me completely down all over again, and that's dreaming about her.

It doesnt happen every night, but when it does, the next day is absolute HELL. They usually occur right before I wake up. I make myself feel better by analyzing exactly what it is that bothers me, and I think I figured it out. Besides seeing her, its always the "old" her, shes skinnier, happier, more... . personality, I guess. Not the her now. So thats something I consider, this isnt what we had, this is something we can never get back so dwelling on it isnt helpful. The other thing that gets me is sometimes I dream we are still in the middle of the break up, or Im in the phase where Im trying to beg and plead with her to come back home, crying, and in these dreams, I think its the feeling of everything being out of control that bothers me. The same flavor of feeling you get right during the break up, but it ebbs away. I dont have control over the situation in my dream, and it leaves me waking in a panic, crying, wanting to kill myself. My dreams are more emotion-based, rather than situations, I think? Its hard to explain. I wake up feeling like theres a huge hole in my chest, that my insides are sick and heavy from being rotten and gross, and I yearn for physical "scooping out", like a pumpkin, to remove all these heavy sickly organs from me.

I use marijuana to limit my dreams/nightmares, and it usually works very well, however, for the morning after, its worn off, and the last dream I have before I wake up is susceptible to these bad feelings. So I wake up and immediately its just a fresh wound, miserable day, etc etc, and days like that are really hindering my progress days. I spent all day in bed just being pathetic and I cant afford to lose the time/concentration, so then I feel guilty about taking the time to emotionally process.

To fix this, any time I see her/think about her, Im going to initiate a "real life check" any time i see her or think about her (anyone who has worked on trying to lucid dream will recognize this, you just try to do something that in reality you wont be able to do, but will work in a dream, like holding your breath for a really long time without breathing or something) because once I recognize in a dream that I am in fact dreaming, I usually wake up. Im hoping thats going to work, but I honestly doubt the effectiveness. Does anyone here have better ways to crush these awful dreams? Im tired of waking up with that rot in my chest.

[HerPerpetuallyTornLover]

You guys. Im about 2 weeks post break up, we've had a few days NC (although she works in the same building as me one time, got a weak "hi" but that was it) and I'd like to think that Im making some really good progress. But, there is one thing that brings me completely down all over again, and that's dreaming about her.

It doesnt happen every night, but when it does, the next day is absolute HELL. They usually occur right before I wake up. I make myself feel better by analyzing exactly what it is that bothers me, and I think I figured it out. Besides seeing her, its always the "old" her, shes skinnier, happier, more... . personality, I guess. Not the her now. So thats something I consider, this isnt what we had, this is something we can never get back so dwelling on it isnt helpful. The other thing that gets me is sometimes I dream we are still in the middle of the break up, or Im in the phase where Im trying to beg and plead with her to come back home, crying, and in these dreams, I think its the feeling of everything being out of control that bothers me. The same flavor of feeling you get right during the break up, but it ebbs away. I dont have control over the situation in my dream, and it leaves me waking in a panic, crying, wanting to kill myself. My dreams are more emotion-based, rather than situations, I think? Its hard to explain. I wake up feeling like theres a huge hole in my chest, that my insides are sick and heavy from being rotten and gross, and I yearn for physical "scooping out", like a pumpkin, to remove all these heavy sickly organs from me.

I use marijuana to limit my dreams/nightmares, and it usually works very well, however, for the morning after, its worn off, and the last dream I have before I wake up is susceptible to these bad feelings. So I wake up and immediately its just a fresh wound, miserable day, etc etc, and days like that are really hindering my progress days. I spent all day in bed just being pathetic and I cant afford to lose the time/concentration, so then I feel guilty about taking the time to emotionally process.

To fix this, any time I see her/think about her, Im going to initiate a "real life check" any time i see her or think about her (anyone who has worked on trying to lucid dream will recognize this, you just try to do something that in reality you wont be able to do, but will work in a dream, like holding your breath for a really long time without breathing or something) because once I recognize in a dream that I am in fact dreaming, I usually wake up. Im hoping thats going to work, but I honestly doubt the effectiveness. Does anyone here have better ways to crush these awful dreams? Im tired of waking up with that rot in my chest.

[Fool for Love]

It doesnt happen every night, but when it does, the next day is absolute HELL. They usually occur right before I wake up.

I am 1 month NC and split... I still have these sometimes... I had one this morning and messed up my whole morning... that feeling of missing her... but as the day goes on it goes away... I have noticed when a friend ask me how I am doing... and we talk a little bit about the situation is when I have them... I need to limit my talking about it sometimes ... I think it has to do with triggers... the other day a song on the radio came on... it was one of my favorites to her... I was stupid and listen to it instead of Turing the station... that really MESSED me up that night... I had very vivid dreams ... woke up sweating ... I think as time goes on they will stop... its amazing how much damage they do and they are not even around hang in there    just letting you know you are not alone  

[Dog biscuit]

Maybe the dreams are your way of proccesing things and emotions? I understand that it feels awful when you wake up and feeling this hole in your chest again, but I consider dreams to be cleansing and a form of processing stuff on a deeper emotional level.

I dont know of a way to stop those dreams, maybe the only way is to get trough them and accept that it is your way of processing things.

Does it help you to write them out?

[Waifed]

Dreams/Nightmares are very painful and do make waking hours difficult.  They will eventually pass.  Dreams are a way for your mind to process what you have experienced.  It is the minds way of repairing itself from PTSD / Trauma.

[HealingForMe]

Dreams/Nightmares are very painful and do make waking hours difficult.  They will eventually pass.  Dreams are a way for your mind to process what you have experienced.  It is the minds way of repairing itself from PTSD / Trauma.

Maybe the dreams are your way of proccesing things and emotions? I understand that it feels awful when you wake up and feeling this hole in your chest again, but I consider dreams to be cleansing and a form of processing stuff on a deeper emotional level.

+1. They are a way for you subconscious mind to process what your conscious mind has to deal with

I dont know of a way to stop those dreams, maybe the only way is to get trough them and accept that it is your way of processing things.

Yes, it's all part of the grieving process. I would suggest you try not using cannabis to quench your dreams. Using the 5 stages of grief theory, it is a form of denial & will prolong your recovery.

I understand what your going through is very traumatic. I believe you are suffering from PTSD. Do you have a T to help? Discussing your dreams with a T can be very beneficial

I have noticed when a friend ask me how I am doing... and we talk a little bit about the situation is when I have them... I need to limit my talking about it sometimes ... I think it has to do with triggers...

At a family gathering for my birthday on Sat, 2 family members asked how I was going... . I just said OK & turned away. Its too painful to discuss it with anyone but my T

I think as time goes on they will stop... its amazing how much damage they do and they are not even around hang in there    just letting you know you are not alone 

Im tired of waking up with that rot in my chest.

My dreams arent so confusing & painful anymore. I used to wake up empty inside too, but thats getting better now.

Stay strong, you are not alone & I'll say a prayer for you & everyone else who is having these crushing dreams. But know they will get easier to cope with & one day stop