Lack of trust

[empath]

Recently, uBPDh and I were watching a television show, and afterward, he commented that companies don't really care about their employees anymore. He has been having a difficult time at work in the recent months, and one of his work friends was let go for an incident. He thought it was unfair, and the situation left h without a friend at work. So, then he says that in general companies don't take care of their employees anymore and that he can't trust his employers. The only one that he can trust is himself which is why he has been 'self employed' and changed jobs quite often. Then, I said that it seems like it is hard for him to trust people in general. He affirmed that -- he was emotionally abused by his dad and his mom didn't stick up for him. So, he was left alone to deal with things. He feels like everyone will let him down and he cannot continue in a situation when people have disappointed him personally.

We've had a number of additional stresses lately, and he has said that if there was another job open he would apply for it. That is the normal way that he 'deals' with his trust issues with employers; change jobs. (of course, it doesn't usually help in the long term) He is also feeling like he has been a failure in his career because he couldn't stick with a job. Our son is graduating from university soon and is searching for a job. The ones that he is applying for are in prominent companies with a lot of potential -- which triggers husband's feelings of regret and failure.

Earlier this week, husband was getting the children up for school, and he yelled at dd to get up. He started acting very 'grumpy' through the day. When I came in to help dd get ready, she mentioned 'dad's anger issues' that she was scared about. I decided not to wait until he asked for help at the last minute (which just makes me upset because he waits until the last minute to tell me that he wants help).

We were also talking recently about his 'visions' of hurting himself. He has been having these fairly often and is distressed by them. He said that they seemed to be dissociative visions that he experiences as if they were real including physical sensations. I expressed concern about those -- he did, too.

Oh, and he has been keeping me up late at night.

I just keep these things in my head... .   I suspect that if others put these things together, his future career plans may be jeopardized.

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[Livestrong97]

Hi,  I can relate as I too have an uBPDh and kids who don't understand that it's a disorder.  I'm not much help to you other than a sympathetic ear as it seems we are in similar situations.  I can say that stressful situations such as money or big decisions are always triggers.  Mine never talks about hurting himself but he does have nightmares on a regular basis that I can't get him to talk about.  How do you help your kids?  Best of luck with the job hunt. 

[empath]

With the kids, I usually try to be the parent that they see most often and to be a safe place for them. I also have to talk to h about the kids, what they need, how they react to things, and who they are. (the idea that they are different than he is) A few weeks ago, my d and I talked a bit about 'dad's anger issues'; she remembered an incident from a few years ago.

My parenting style tends to be pretty open and honest about things that happen in an appropriate way; I figure that the kids need to be able to learn about life while being supported and taught.

[Livestrong97]

That's great.  Me too.  I hope that since our kids have us we will help them to know positive techniques to handling stress.  It's crazy, when my kids stress out my husband stresses more and throws a temper tantrum.  Good luck - stay in touch if you want to bounce things off of one another.