Friends vs relationship..

[Narellan]

A common theme here is that BPDs do not understand the term friendship. How so? Im pretty new to all this, but a general run down is my "friend" of 4 months exhibits many BPD traits and i am reading up on here to diagnose him i guess. I thought we were in love, certainly we were passionate lovers, told each other we loved each other, i was what hed been waiting for his whole life, made for him etc etc. I recently travelled to spend time with him out of state where he now works, and he flooded facebook with pictures of us kissing cuddling, being together, hand holding, and replied  with smiley faces to all who asked were we together. After my trip he continued posting photos. I told him a friend of mine had commented how nice it was to see that id met someone and used the words "new man". Well... . total flipout. No anger, no communication, he just deleted every damn photo, and i rang him to ask whats up as the photos had also gone from my page, and he said "were not in a relationship, were just friends" followed by a couple of other things, but i could sense his withdrawal from me and i said i feel so hurt and humiliated that hed publicly announced our relationship then changed his mind. No reply to my hurt text, and no contact for 2 weeks. Just lots of posts on fb how much he loves his life.

This is our third split in 4 months.

What do people mean by they dont understand friendship? ive certainly never had a "friend' before that  loved me so passionately and was so adoring and affectionate , and extremely sexual.

I think sometimes i misread him?

[woodsposse]

No one here would be able to guide you to diagnose anyone.  Besides, that would be totally unfair since we don't know him and most of us are not qualified to do a diagnosis (and certainly wouldn't do it via the internet and message boards).

But my question for you is... . what do you want?

And why is it you see no problems with breaking up three times in 4 months?  I mean... . 3 times in 4 months and somehow that is equating to love, passion and adornment?

I would challenge you to spend a little time, focus on you for a bit.  Maybe you can find what you are misreading if you ask yourself what is it that you want or what is it that you want to see which tells you that this type of behavior is something you want in your life.

That is not to suggest that you don't or that there is anything wrong with it... . for you.

I'm just suggesting you spend a little time looking at you.

[Narellan]

It seems to be in my personality. I have been separated for 2 years from my ex husband, who i spent 23 years with and raised a family. He had bipolar disorder and was mostly depressed the whole of our marriage. Most days he could drum up enough anger though to give my self esteem a battering. Very rarely did i feel loved in this relationship, and certainly never respected and adored. So I left, bought a house and spent 2 years recovering and loving my 3 teenage boys.

Enter on the scene an old friend i have known since childhood, and his attentiveness, and openly loving personality, and for the first time in my life i believed in a soul mate. Of course i was on a pedestal, but the affection and love this man gave me, made me feel like id never been in love before. I feel stupid at times that i fell for him so quickly and recognise my contribution here, and bottom line, if he calls me even now i will take him back in a heartbeat. I still have sadness at the failing of my marriage, that i couldnt work through all those problems. Which is probably why i am persisting with my new friend. I dont know if he has BPD or not, but it helps explain a few things.

You see i have no idea what a normal relationship feels like... . And i think im overly tolerant because ive had to be. On paper you see me as an idiot for persuing this, but mix in how happy actually to the point of euphoria i feel to be with him, i need to give it some more time to see how it plays out. But no contact now for 2 weeks. It may have just run its race.